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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

225 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:09

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too...
But...
We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

OP posts:
Sunsetsandroses · 15/05/2021 13:11

I think saying only go to one is fine tbh. Would only be an issue if you said not at all. Especially with 2 babies

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/05/2021 13:16

I know this is theoretical but do you think he would be happy for you to leave him in sole charge 2 weekends in a row?

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 15/05/2021 13:18

1 is plenty.

AyyMacarena · 15/05/2021 13:33

I think as an adult he shouldn't be expected to choose which friend he has to disappoint because his wife said he can't go. I would be extremely annoyed if I was forbidden from doing something if I was fair and helpful and it wasn't a regular thing.

It should also be fair in that he would also look after the kids for you to go away.

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:36

@AyyMacarena it's the same friend. He is having two stag do weekends.

OP posts:
SlipperyDippery · 15/05/2021 13:38

I think him going to one is a very reasonable compromise.

ClarkeGriffin · 15/05/2021 13:38

Oh god two stag dos? Shock No he can go to one only, it should be one only anyway. He should probably pick the bigger one, would be more fun I'd guess.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/05/2021 13:39

I’d bank it and look forward to two weekends away with friends.

Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 13:40

Any family who could help you?
I wouldn’t stop my other half going tbh.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/05/2021 13:41

I’d find it quite controlling and a red flag. Does he do the same and restrict you going out?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 13:41

2 full weekend stag do's is a fucking piss take. What is it with all these self indulgent people that want to go on week long holidays abroad, weekends long parties , and expect people to spend a fortune for their stag and hen do's. Taking time away from family and work. What happened yo a good old fashioned night out!

Hankunamatata · 15/05/2021 13:42

Nope one is fine. Ridiculous his friend is doing two weekend on a row

Mandsy100 · 15/05/2021 13:44

Yanbu he should go to the smaller one. And only one. when did this now become a two weekend thing. Honestly so glad everyone I know is married.

PandaLady · 15/05/2021 13:45

I have now reached the stage where I hate practically everything to do with weddings, such a fucking fuss on!

One night on one weekend is more than enough to ease the stag into married life.

Yanbu.

Aprilx · 15/05/2021 13:51

I have never heard of anyone holding two stag dos before!

KM38 · 15/05/2021 14:00

@Ilovedmybed1985 Friend is ridiculous for having 2 in the first place 🙄
To be honest, I wouldn’t ask my DH not to go, but I know he wouldn’t ask me not to go either, he’d encourage me to go and have fun with my friends so I guess it depends how he’d be with you if it was the other way round.
I would expect him to come home in a decent enough state from each weekend that he could spend Sunday evening with the family though. And he would expect the same of me.

MinnieMountain · 15/05/2021 14:04

If it was different friends, I’d say get through it as best you can.

But having 2 stag dos is ridiculous.

Your DH should pick one.

HalzTangz · 15/05/2021 14:15

@AyyMacarena

I think as an adult he shouldn't be expected to choose which friend he has to disappoint because his wife said he can't go. I would be extremely annoyed if I was forbidden from doing something if I was fair and helpful and it wasn't a regular thing.

It should also be fair in that he would also look after the kids for you to go away.

If he was half decent he would go to each stag but only one night. He doesn't need to go both nights both weeknds
WhereYouLeftIt · 15/05/2021 14:15

Two stag weekends? On consecutive weekends? For the same groom?

His friend the groom is a total fucking arse and/or self-absorbed. He really thinks that this is an acceptable ask? Is every other friend/stag-attendee a single man with no responsibilities?

I would definitely point out to your husband that him going away on two consecutive weekends means he is leaving you on your own with two under-twos for these two consecutive weekends - NINETEEN DAYS IN A ROW WITHOUT A BREAK (the two weekends and the three weeks around them) . And having pointed it out, I'd expect him to choose not to do that to you, and I'd be very disappointed if he didn't see the problem immediately and back out of at least one of these self-indulgent weekends. If he needs any help making the decision for himself, ask him to consider how he would manage if you went away Friday to Sunday for two consecutive weekends.

It seems to go past some mostly men people that being a parent of young children is not the same as being single/married without children - being a parent comes with responsibilities, and these responsibilities are not only to the children but also to the co-parent.

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2021 14:15

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I’d find it quite controlling and a red flag. Does he do the same and restrict you going out?
Controlling is the most 9verused word on here.

She has two very young children. She is not trying to stop him going away at all, she would just prefer it if he just chose one.

Not unreasonable

MaryPat · 15/05/2021 14:19

One weekend is plenty.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 14:19

Are you able to take two consecutive weekends for yourself and will you be doing it?

If the answer is no because he wouldn't cope or you're BF then he doesn't have a leg to stand on. You're not the default parent.

midsomermurderess · 15/05/2021 14:20

8 posts in, and the 'controlling' and red flags have arrived. Ooh, the drama

Rainbowqueeen · 15/05/2021 14:20

I’m with you op, one is plenty.

Notaroadrunner · 15/05/2021 14:23

YANBU. One stag for the same person is enough. His friend would be unreasonable expecting anyone to attend both.

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