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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

225 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:09

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too...
But...
We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

OP posts:
Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 16:35

YABU. If you need help with your DC do you have any family who can help?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:39

@Checkingout811

YABU. If you need help with your DC do you have any family who can help?
A family member who can help 5 out of 7 weekends? That's a nice family member.
Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 16:40

@Checkingout811 no, the nearest family I have are a 3 hour drive away

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 15/05/2021 16:41

5 out of 7 weekends devoted to two weddings that you’re not invited to? That’s taking the fucking piss.

Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 16:43

@MrsTerryPratchett I’m assuming OP only needs help the odd time? Surely DH works in the week and she manages the children fine then by herself?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:44

You don't think it's piss taking @Checkingout811

Really?

MrsDoctorDear · 15/05/2021 16:44

@GCAcademic

5 out of 7 weekends devoted to two weddings that you’re not invited to? That’s taking the fucking piss.
Agree with this.
Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 16:47

@MrsTerryPratchett I think it’s been a shit 18 months of restrictions and this is the result.. her DH didn’t organise them so he isn’t taking the piss, no.
18 months of cancelled weddings & stag/hens and this grouping of events is now a very common theme. People are all booking weddings now that they can. We’ve got 5 consecutive weekends next year all taken up by weddings, I’ve got 6 hen dos in a 3 month period that should’ve originally been spaced over 2 years and DH has the same. It’s not anyone’s fault. Certainly not the bride and groom how many children someone has.

autumnboys · 15/05/2021 16:48

My husband missed his own brother’s stag because my Dad had died, I was pregnant and we had a 1yr old and I wasn’t coping. Neither he, or his brother, have ever said a single reproachful word about it to me because they are both good men.

I think one stag is enough to be honest. But I would just say that to him and let him decide for himself.

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 16:50

@Checkingout811 I realise a lot has been planned into a small period, but the post was about two stag dos for the same friend on two consecutive weekends when we have small children... if they were a bit older, or we didn't have any I wouldn't be bothered at all. Do you have small children and would have to sort out childcare?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:51

We’ve got 5 consecutive weekends next year all taken up by weddings,

That you aren't going to, just your partner?

And have your friends who missed their weddings all organised two stags and hens each? Because that's a dick move.

LittlestBoho · 15/05/2021 16:51

MrsTerryPratchett

newnortherner111

YANBU, suggest the second one. At least it's not the stag or hen weekend where people go to some resort or capital city in Eastern Europe, increase the carbon footprint and Ryanair's profits, and behave expecting everyone to speak in English and have no regard for locals.

And these cities are the prostitution capitals of the world but none of the stags are ever going for that. Not one of them.

No, no, you have such a suspicious mind. They're going for the beer. It's the cheap beer you see, only £1 a pint. So that makes it worth flying to Prague / Riga / Budapest for the weekend. The beer. Nothing else, zilch, nada. Not the easy access to tens of thousands of trafficked young women and a culture of secrecy between the stags so they can do whatever they want with no 'real world' repercussions. It's the beer. Definitely.

Hmm
HalzTangz · 15/05/2021 16:51

@LyndaMcLynda

Bunch of absolute fun sponges on here. It's quite normal to have two stag dos when one is abroad - it means anyone who can't go to the abroad one can still help you celebrate - people who can't afford it or older relatives.

Why would you stop him? Give your head a wobble ffs they're your children and you can't cope with them on your own for two nights? Seriously?

Expect neither is abroad,one is indoors one is outdoors
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:53

True @LittlestBoho I'm a joyless harridan.

Must educate myself about beer.

girlmama32 · 15/05/2021 16:58

I think having two stag weekends is a bit ridiculous but I don't think I'd stop my DH from going. He works away a lot though so I'm used to just cracking on with it. Would he be ok with you doing the same if it was the other way around?

Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 17:03

@MrsTerryPratchett DH is only attending one alone. The others were all going to.
@Ilovedmybed1985 yes I’ve got 2 DS, one is 3 and the other 1. I know it’s crap but the timing can’t be helped and it’s not your DH fault.
Thankfully only 1 of ours clashes; but it’s only a spa day for me when my eldest DS will be at nursery and my mum will collect him and have my youngest.

Candleabra · 15/05/2021 17:08

It's all about fairness in a partnership. You have to make sacrifices when you have small children. One of the main things you miss out on is maintaining a good social life. But if one partner doesn't realise that, then that's how resentment builds.

Lots of our friends got married when our children were very little. We pretty much missed all the hens/stags and some of the weddings themselves if they required overnights or whole weekends. It was never an option for one of us to go, to be honest. The though of bring stuck at home for multiple consecutive weekends with tiny kids, with a hungover partner returning, plus all the expense - just not fair. We went to plenty of weddings together when the children were older and family were willing to look after them overnight.

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 17:13

@Checkingout811 so both your children are older than mine (4 months and 20 months old). AND you live near family so probably get help quite a lot (as you have said your mum will be picking your child up)... massive difference there. I don't have family near by so won't ever have extra help like you do.

OP posts:
Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 17:15

I don’t get a lot of help no as my eldest son is disabled and won’t stay out anywhere so has never had a sleep over or stayed anywhere other than our house. She’s picking him up from nursery and having him for 30 mins but okay you win the competition.

Checkingout811 · 15/05/2021 17:15

And in fairness, you knew that before you decided to have a 16 month age gap. Surely you knew you’d have them on your own at some points?

CheeseIsMyJam · 15/05/2021 17:16

Personally wouldn't bother me but depends how often he has weekends away I guess. For us, we would then ensure the other person got some equivalent weekend away fun time in the future.

Clymene · 15/05/2021 17:17

[quote Checkingout811]@MrsTerryPratchett I think it’s been a shit 18 months of restrictions and this is the result.. her DH didn’t organise them so he isn’t taking the piss, no.
18 months of cancelled weddings & stag/hens and this grouping of events is now a very common theme. People are all booking weddings now that they can. We’ve got 5 consecutive weekends next year all taken up by weddings, I’ve got 6 hen dos in a 3 month period that should’ve originally been spaced over 2 years and DH has the same. It’s not anyone’s fault. Certainly not the bride and groom how many children someone has.[/quote]
It's absolutely nobody's fault to have hen/stag weekends (although two in a row for the same bloke when you're not even invited to the wedding is a joke) but it isn't reasonable to expect to go to back to back weekend long events when you have two babies.

That's a dick move.

OppsUpsSide · 15/05/2021 17:18

I wouldn’t put the kybosh on the stag do’s personally and I would resent a partner who did.

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 17:19

@Checkingout811 well you have emotional support there anyway.
And no I just thought we would be home all day every day 🤨... obviously I knew I would be looking after them by myself. I have not said I don't think he should go out or to any stag dos. I have just asked opinions about the two in the original post.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 15/05/2021 17:20

Depends on how close they are, how helpful he normally is & if you have any help you could rope in.