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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

225 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:09

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too...
But...
We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 15/05/2021 14:49

I wouldnt like it if as an adult someone told me I couldn't go. If the roles were reversed and you wanted to go away for 2 weekends in a row , what would his reaction be?

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 14:51

He DH appears to be unwilling to look after his children AT ALL never mind alone.

Hiw on earth have you managed to tale that from OP's posts? Presumably, as she will miss his support so much, he is usually a fairly hands on father, otherwise why would it be more difficult than usual for her to cope without him?

LowlandLucky · 15/05/2021 14:53

I don't see what the problem is ? You will have your children for a couple of nights in a row not a couple of months. Why can't you manage that ?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 14:55

@NewMatress

He DH appears to be unwilling to look after his children AT ALL never mind alone.

Hiw on earth have you managed to tale that from OP's posts? Presumably, as she will miss his support so much, he is usually a fairly hands on father, otherwise why would it be more difficult than usual for her to cope without him?

It's was a reductio ad absurdum (sic). If PP's theory is that OP doesn't want to look after her children alone because of the two weekend, it follows that the DH doesn't like to look after them at all based on the same two weekends. I was assuming about PP, not the DH.
NewMatress · 15/05/2021 14:56

Ah OK, went right over my head Grin

LyndaMcLynda · 15/05/2021 14:57

Bunch of absolute fun sponges on here. It's quite normal to have two stag dos when one is abroad - it means anyone who can't go to the abroad one can still help you celebrate - people who can't afford it or older relatives.

Why would you stop him? Give your head a wobble ffs they're your children and you can't cope with them on your own for two nights? Seriously?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 14:59

@NewMatress

Ah OK, went right over my head Grin
Grin

It wasn't amazingly clear!

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 15:02

It's quite normal to have two stag dos when one is abroad

Someone could feasibly have, according to this theory, an engagement party, two hens, two stags, both including an abroad piece, a wedding abroad and a wedding in the UK. And people have more than one friend who might do this crap. So a couple could be spending thousands on what used to be one evening and one day.

It's self-indulgent twaddle.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:03

Also, imagine actually telling another adult "no, you're not allowed to do that."

No, it's not like that. It's more a case of passing him two tiny children and saying "Do what you like but obviously these children will need you to care for them as they're your responsibility, not just mine."

Anyone complaining they're not allowed to go to something because they have childcare responsibilities should not have had children. But it's too late now. He's got them and he can rail against the universe when they're asleep like civilised women do.

Coyoacan · 15/05/2021 15:03

I’d find it quite controlling and a red flag. Does he do the same and restrict you going out?

So you believe that being a parent comes with zero responsabilities? To me, controlling is when you can't things you would be able to do if your partner wasn't around, but where would this father dump his children for two weekends in a row?

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 15:05

It does sound very much like OP's husband has asked....Assuming he's not away numerous weekends during a normal year and he wouldn't object to her doing the same of course he should go, if he wants to and finances comfortably allow.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:05

lowland

Maybe she's in fragile health and finds out taxing to have full parental care on three hours broken sleep? More to the point, why should she be able to handle it when she's not a single parent?

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:06

he wouldn't object to her doing the same

And he is competent if she were to actually do it...

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 15:07

Oh yes of course, OP would have posted hoping for advice that she was reasonable to refuse, without mentioning her multiple health conditions Grin

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 15:08

@namechangingforthis19586

he wouldn't object to her doing the same

And he is competent if she were to actually do it...

If he's incompetent how is it that she's going to miss his help so much? Grin
AyyMacarena · 15/05/2021 15:09

Two stag dos that are a full weekend? That's so strange. Stagzilla?

I take it back. 😂 he can pick one.

andivfmakes3 · 15/05/2021 15:09

Are they local? And are they 2 different activities?

andivfmakes3 · 15/05/2021 15:10

@LowlandLucky

I don't see what the problem is ? You will have your children for a couple of nights in a row not a couple of months. Why can't you manage that ?

I agree with this

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 15:11

@namechangingforthis19586 riiight, so if OP wanted a weekend away with friends while her husband was available to look after their children but he said 'no, you have childcare responsibilities' and she complained on here, you'd tell her she shouldn't have had children, would you? Hmm.

newnortherner111 · 15/05/2021 15:14

YANBU, suggest the second one. At least it's not the stag or hen weekend where people go to some resort or capital city in Eastern Europe, increase the carbon footprint and Ryanair's profits, and behave expecting everyone to speak in English and have no regard for locals.

Cantrecall · 15/05/2021 15:16

Is there a specific reason you can’t manage two under two alone for a few nights?

AnneElliott · 15/05/2021 15:17

I don't really see the controlling aspect of expecting not to be left alone with two very young children 2 weekends in a row- and for the same friend FFS.

H and I often had robust exchanges of views where he would suggest that I shouldn't 'tell him what to do' but my view was his freedom To do what he wanted shouldn't have consequences for my life.

And as for op being a single parent then what if her DH was? No way would he be getting childcare for 2 whole weekend in a row!

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 15:18

@newnortherner111

YANBU, suggest the second one. At least it's not the stag or hen weekend where people go to some resort or capital city in Eastern Europe, increase the carbon footprint and Ryanair's profits, and behave expecting everyone to speak in English and have no regard for locals.
And these cities are the prostitution capitals of the world but none of the stags are ever going for that. Not one of them.
Fatladyslim · 15/05/2021 15:18

I wouldn't stop dp going to both, we share the childcare and housework 50/50. I know if I asked the same he wouldn't have an issue so I wouldn't either.

coffeefi · 15/05/2021 15:20

Friend sounds like a childish twat

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