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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

225 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:09

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too...
But...
We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

OP posts:
daisyducky · 15/05/2021 15:22

One is more than reasonable. It's not just the weekend, it's the couple days after to recover if he's anything like my DH

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 15:22

I really hate the way people assume OP couldn't possibly leave OH with DC, that had be unwilling or incompetent. OP hasn't suggested that at all, you're all projecting.

I went on an almightly piss up awards thing with work, in Monte Carlo for a week when DC were small. DH was more than happy that I should go and everyone even survived!

fruitloop2021 · 15/05/2021 15:22

Mmmm, I'd book yourself into a spa hotel the following weekend for a child free and husband free weekend.

If he says no YANBU.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:22

NewMatress

I didn't mean health conditions, rather that works of tired sleep deprived vulnerability that mothers of multiple small children often function in. Two weekends alone could seem overwhelming. Are you really so callous and removed from parenting small children that you can't grasp that?

The difficulties of being completely alone in a situation versus having a partner around to help out are stark. However that doesn't mean he'd be competent to manage alone, necessarily.

As an aside, why are you crying with laughter? Don't you get out much yourself? This doesn't seem highly entertaining to me. Your bar must be set very low!

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:23

world

Noidea2114 · 15/05/2021 15:24

Is the bride having 2 hen parties. If he goes to both stags you can go both hens.
See what his reply to that is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 15:25

OP doesn't look like she's coming back soon so of course everyone is assuming!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/05/2021 15:26

I’ve just asked my husband and he said would only go to one. He wouldn’t even consider a double weekend away from the kids as it’s his time with them.
I’d be the same. I’d never have two weekends away on the bounce.

Would you have two weekends away on the bounce? Would he think it reasonable if you did the same as he’s planning?

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:28

really hate the way people assume OP couldn't possibly leave OH with DC, that had be unwilling or incompetent. OP hasn't suggested that at all, you're all projecting.I went on an almightly piss up awards thing with work

I don't think anyone's projecting but 'banking it' is sometimes not an option so one shouldn't assume it is. Otherwise only one partner can use this bank.

I wouldn't want to do what you did. Fair enough if it was that important to you but... That's just you. It doesn't have to be anyone else's normal.

wobblyweasel · 15/05/2021 15:28

I had 2 Hen dos. One for family, and the other far more riotous one for friends. Although these were years ago. I'd let him go to both, get a friend or family member over to help with the children, and 'bank' 2 child free weekends 🙂

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 15:33

so if OP wanted a weekend away with friends while her husband was available to look after their children but he said 'no, you have childcare responsibilities' and she complained on here, you'd tell her she shouldn't have had children, would you?

If either partner demands to be 'allowed' to behave like they have no children (which is effectively telling the other parent they're only 'allowed' to be a nanny for that period of time) I'd be inclined to hand them the children until they agreed it was a shared responsibility and no one is not allowing anyone to do anything else simply by refusing to do sole care.

Charley50 · 15/05/2021 15:36

I don't think it's that big a deal if he's a good parent generally, e.g. he does bed and bath times as much as you do.

Depends on your set-up really.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2021 15:38

Have you told him you think one is reasonable and if so what did he say?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 15:43

I would think any decent parent or partner would come to the conclusion that 2 consecutive full weekends away on the same person's stag do was unreasonable, and ott.

Unsure33 · 15/05/2021 15:47

I would say yes as long as he signs a declaration that he will have both children on his own for two weekends within the next 12 months .

Then book yourself sometime away with friends and family .

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/05/2021 15:54

@LyndaMcLynda

Bunch of absolute fun sponges on here. It's quite normal to have two stag dos when one is abroad - it means anyone who can't go to the abroad one can still help you celebrate - people who can't afford it or older relatives.

Why would you stop him? Give your head a wobble ffs they're your children and you can't cope with them on your own for two nights? Seriously?

It’s only considered normal or reasonable by the self absorbed
pictish · 15/05/2021 15:59

I had two under two and I have to say this wouldn’t have bothered me...I’d have encouraged him to go. I’d get the time back when I next wanted to socialise with my friends.

pictish · 15/05/2021 16:05

“I’d never have two weekends away on the bounce.”

I would. Sounds brilliant, like a good run of it. I’m pretty sure I must have had consecutive weekend events occur when mine were tots...wouldn’t have given it any thought if I wanted to go to both, I just would.
Disclaimer: I don’t actually go ‘out out’ very often at all. Just not seeing the problem with it if I did. Dh and I were both able to look after little ones without the other one there.

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 16:13

Sorry for the late response, he is at another stag do today (just for the day) so have been busy. Thank you for all your replies. It seems very split between the two.
He says he would look after them overnight, but I don't have as many friends as he does, so he knows that won't happen any time soon at all. He has another stag do after these two 2 weeks later, and is away for a wedding thr week after that. I wouldn't mind AT ALL if it was for a different friend, I just thought 2 stag dos for the same person is a bit much when you have responsibilities. Noone going to the first stag do (the one with 6) has any children, he is the only one.
I know they are my children, but surely you have to make some sacrifices to your social life when you have young babies at home?

OP posts:
Sarahsteedman · 15/05/2021 16:13

Why does red flag and controlling come up all the time on posts which are clearly asking an opinion on a matter, I would just ask myself if it's worth the fallout and am I really that bothered, I personally wouldn't be as I would just enjoy the extra peace which the evenings will hopefully bring. I know things aren't always as simple or easy as that though. I had to spend a whole week with the flu while looking after our then new born and 2 year old while DH was bedbound following an operation. We couldn't have anyone else round to help but I got through it and didn't have nay issues other than being tired.

MsTSwift · 15/05/2021 16:14

Not when kids little and hard work not on

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:15

So out of five weekends he has stag, stag, home stag, wedding?

And you're either not invited or not going to the wedding?

Oh and today is a stag too?

Original poster
Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 16:18

@MrsTerryPratchett correct, and then 2 weeks after that another wedding. Nope not going to either wedding

OP posts:
Lucylivesinamushroomhouse · 15/05/2021 16:32

Wow I think 2 stag dos for the same person when you have small kids is a BIG ask. He would be unreasonable to go to both in my opinion.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 16:33

Stag, stag, home, stag, wedding, home, wedding?

Would he be happy, actually happy not just saying it, if you did; spa, spa, home, spa, mini break, home, mini break,home.

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