Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

225 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 13:09

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too...
But...
We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

OP posts:
briarsandbrambles · 15/05/2021 14:25

Jesus your DHs 'friend' must like himself OP! YANBU

HappyMeal654 · 15/05/2021 14:26

I guess the best way to work it out is to ask yourself this, would you find him unreasonable if you had two to go to one weekend after the other and he said no or pick one I can't do two weekends in a row?

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:27

I'd just bank it as pp says. I really don't get why people are so reluctant to look after their own children alone for a bit. What if you separated?

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:33

Two stag do weekends? For the same guy?!

No YWNBU to say one weekend is enough.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 14:34

@CirqueDeMorgue

I'd just bank it as pp says. I really don't get why people are so reluctant to look after their own children alone for a bit. What if you separated?
He DH appears to be unwilling to look after his children AT ALL never mind alone.
CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:34

Also, imagine actually telling another adult "no, you're not allowed to do that."

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:34

@CirqueDeMorgue

I'd just bank it as pp says. I really don't get why people are so reluctant to look after their own children alone for a bit. What if you separated?
Well if they separated then dad would probably have the kids every other weekend so wouldn’t be able to go to both, would he?

When people are part of a family you expect there to be some compromise to ensure one person’s life isn’t made harder to support your leisure. It’s a reasonable compromise to say one out of two weekends away from the family on a jolly is ok.

Crankley · 15/05/2021 14:34

Two is OTT but I wouldn't stop him going, just ensure I had same opportunity.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:36

@JackieTheFart does he?? OP has posted only twice and I'm not sure which post you've gleaned that bit of info from tbh.

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:37

@CirqueDeMorgue Have you never been in mutually respectful adult relationship before?
That’s not how conversations work Hmm

Thatswatshesaid · 15/05/2021 14:37

He’s an adult you can’t tell him he’s not allowed to go somewhere. You can tell him you’d rather he didn’t but unless he’s out every weekend I think YABU
Get yourself a girls weekend booked in so he can do the work another weekend.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:37

Oops I meant @MrsTerryPratchett but @JackieTheFart if the DH would 'allow' OP to do the same, she shouldn't have a problem with this. It's two out of many, many weekends.

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:38

@CirqueDeMorgue does he what?

sumpplneedshaking · 15/05/2021 14:38

I'd let him go to both and book two weekends away with friends at some point.

user1488622199 · 15/05/2021 14:39

@CirqueDeMorgue

I'd just bank it as pp says. I really don't get why people are so reluctant to look after their own children alone for a bit. What if you separated?
Presumably if you separated you would share custody and have alternate weekends or something, allowing a break. The point is though, they’re not separated and they have a lot on with two young children.

I think it’s a bit much op but would probably rope in some help from somewhere and expect the same time away later. I’d also be looking to my H to make it as easy for me as possible so organising to go only one night/asking family or friends for help/helping me to make sure the house is organised and there’s shopping in etc.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:40

[quote JackieTheFart]@CirqueDeMorgue Have you never been in mutually respectful adult relationship before?
That’s not how conversations work Hmm[/quote]
Ugh predictable patronising rubbish. Yawn.

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2021 14:40

He DH appears to be unwilling to look after his children AT ALL never mind alone

Does he? She hasn’t said that. I’d definitely bank it and have a long childfree weekend during the summer.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:42

Presumably if you separated you would share custody and have alternate weekends or something, allowing a break. The point is though, they’re not separated and they have a lot on with two young children.

Why can't OP have a 'break' now though? She hasn't said her husband wouldn't allow her to do the same.

AliceMcK · 15/05/2021 14:44

I think the biggest problem is that you need to say anything to him in the first place. Surely he should understand 2 weekends away in a row for the same persons stag do it totally unreasonable and he should have said he will only be going to one with out you needing to say anything in the first place.

I’m guessing there will also be a wedding to attend after this too. That is a lot of expense when you have a young family to take care of.

JudyGemstone · 15/05/2021 14:44

This is the kind of thing my exh would have done without thinking twice, and I was too young at the time to have said anything about.

Hypothetical now but these days I would make sure he knew it was a piss take but agreed on the proviso that I got the exact same opportunities. And then start planning said opportunities immediately!

Poptart4 · 15/05/2021 14:45

The groom is taking the piss having 2 stag dos but I wouldn't stop him from going. Especially if it's a once off and not a regular thing. As others have said just make sure you get a similar break soon.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/05/2021 14:45

Fwiw OP, two stag dos IS ridiculous.

Pastnowfuture · 15/05/2021 14:46

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If he has just assumed he will go to both without any discussion I think it's quite thoughtless of him. I would be honest and say I'd prefer you don't go to both as I'm worried I'll struggle. No 'telling' or 'demanding'. If it's really important to him to be at both then maybe you could discuss how you can make it work eg. only one night at the smaller one, taking the day off on the Friday so you can have a morning pamper and coming home straight after breakfast on the Sunday so you can chill. Perhaps you could book a weekend away the following week so you have something to look forward to.

3CCC · 15/05/2021 14:46

Is your dh best man, v. Close friend or brother of the groom? If yes yabu

If no yanbu

NewMatress · 15/05/2021 14:48

2 stag dos is ridiculous, but I wouldn't be the wife who said no, assuming he's usually a kind and considerate husband and father. I'd take DC to stay with my parents or my sister or a friend for the weekend and have my weekends off another time.