Page 6 | To ask him to miss out on his friends stag?

Ilovedmybed1985 · 2021-05-15T12:09:55+00:00

I know we have been in lockdown, and I know he needs to live his life too... But... We have two children under two. His friend is having two stags Friday to Sunday two weekends in a row (one is a small indoor one with 5 friends, one is an outdoor event with more people). Aibu to ask him to just go to one? It is so hard with two under two, and i don't know if I can do the nights alone two weekends in a row. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Or should I say its fine to go? I know ultimately it is up to him just wanted to know opinions.

murbblurb · 15/05/2021 17:26

having kids means there are things you can't do. Having two kids very close together means there are more things you can't do for a few years.

as always - he should have thought of that before removing the condom.

SemiFeralDalek · 15/05/2021 17:36

@GCAcademic

5 out of 7 weekends devoted to two weddings that you’re not invited to? That’s taking the fucking piss.

This. Especially with a four month old and a 20 month old.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 17:57

@Checkingout811

And in fairness, you knew that before you decided to have a 16 month age gap. Surely you knew you’d have them on your own at some points?

I assume her DH did too.

Concestor · 15/05/2021 18:27

For me, even setting aside the time issues (and that many weekends away would be a hard no from me anyway) the issue would be the cost.

Will you be getting the same amount of cash as he is going to spend on these weddings, to spend on whatever you want? It must amount to at least 1k if not more.

The lack of thought and care from him regarding his family commitments would have me furious.

And WHY aren't you invited to these weddings??? That is so rude. My husband would decline a wedding invitation if I weren't included. He seems to have very little regards for you OP.

This for me would be about that fundamental issue rather than the almost red herrings of stag dos.

Naunet · 15/05/2021 18:43

I’d find it quite controlling and a red flag. Does he do the same and restrict you going out?

Ahh controlling, ok. And what is it when one parent decides the other must look after their children single handed for two weekends in a row, restricting their freedom? What’s that called? Male privilege?

Caterina99 · 15/05/2021 20:19

I wouldn’t expect my DH to go to 2 stag dos for the same person that took a full weekend each on consecutive weekends. Not when you have such little kids and so many other weekends where he’s away. That’s ridiculous.

If it was just an afternoon or night out then fine, but a whole weekend away is too much.

For all those people saying you can’t manage your kids for a weekend. It’s not about that. I’m a sahm. I look after my kids alone 5 days a week for 10 hours or whatever it is. I’m perfectly capable of dealing with them for a weekend by myself. But when they were so young I was exhausted by the end of the week. The weekends are when I get some help from DH and some time to myself, so no I wouldn’t be happy to lose that 2 weekends in a row so he could celebrate the same person! Especially when I knew he had several other weekends away coming up

Pick one weekend seems very reasonable

LowlandLucky · 15/05/2021 20:23

namechanging As the OP hasn't said she has fragile health i take it that is not an issue. Why should she be able to handle it ? The OP choose to have 2 children close together, if her partner/Husband walked out of the door/was ill/died she would have to handle it. There are many thousands of mothers across the country that have to cope for months on end because their Husbands/partners are away for 6 months at a time, even when they have newborns and other children in the house.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/05/2021 20:35

@LowlandLucky

namechanging As the OP hasn't said she has fragile health i take it that is not an issue. Why should she be able to handle it ? The OP choose to have 2 children close together, if her partner/Husband walked out of the door/was ill/died she would have to handle it. There are many thousands of mothers across the country that have to cope for months on end because their Husbands/partners are away for 6 months at a time, even when they have newborns and other children in the house.

Her partner also chose to have those children. What would he do if she walked out on him and left him with the children or walked out of the door/was ill/died? He wouldn’t be going on all these weekends away that’s for sure! What a facile argument. They made a choice to have children in close ages together. She should be left with all the responsibility of that.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/05/2021 20:38

Shouldn’t *

Original poster

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 20:48

@Caterina99 thank you for your reply. I could have written this myself.... even though I am with the children at the weekend, having my husband with me gives me a slight break... even just being able to have a shower in peace!!

OP posts:

Newmum29 · 15/05/2021 20:51

Yanbu, I can’t believe he’d even ask to be honest when he has that many other weekends taken up. Also why aren’t you invited to either wedding? seems very rude not to give someone important enough to come to the stag a +1 for the wife and mother of his children. Unless you don’t want to go or can’t because of sorting childcare in which case fair enough. I’d say go to one of those and I will be booking some weekends with my friend or visiting family and then actually put them in the diary now (even if 6 months away when your youngest is less reliant on you).

Original poster

Ilovedmybed1985 · 15/05/2021 21:03

@Newmum29 as there is a limit on the number of people attending weddings (30 on the date of their weddings) both friends have said he is not allowed a plus one :(

OP posts:

Lemonpink88 · 15/05/2021 21:17

OP def not being unreasonable. I have two under two and it is exhausting work. These stags might be once off special occasion but my goodness isn’t this one of the hardest stages of your life, you need him and that is what it comes down too. I think when your not living with two (or more!) babies you forget/don’t understand how exhausting it is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 21:19

[quote Ilovedmybed1985]@Newmum29 as there is a limit on the number of people attending weddings (30 on the date of their weddings) both friends have said he is not allowed a plus one :([/quote]
Frankly I'd be pissed off at the expectation that I'd facilitate three weekends of fun for a wedding I wasn't good enough to be invited to. Petty but it would absolutely make me annoyed.

toocold54 · 15/05/2021 21:22

YABU he’s going away for a couple of nights surely you can cope on your own like most people do.
If it was all of the time then it’s different but he needs to go and let off steam just like you should too. Maybe plan something with your friends for a few weeks time. We all need a break sometimes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 21:24

If it was all of the time then it’s different

RTFT.

It's 5 out of 7 weekends. It is all the time.

Newmum29 · 15/05/2021 21:28

Sorry but in that case an even harder no. I had a wedding with 30 people. Every person was invited as a couple or if they were single I made sure they knew another friend or colleague and would be happy to attend without a plus one. No one with a partner was asked to come alone let alone a parent!

NakedBanana · 15/05/2021 21:38

Wait , have I got this right? He's going on 3 stag dos and a wedding over the next 6 weeks. By himself?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 21:41

@NakedBanana

Wait , have I got this right? He's going on 3 stag dos and a wedding over the next 6 weeks. By himself?

Three stags and two weddings by himself.

toocold54 · 15/05/2021 21:44

Wait , have I got this right? He's going on 3 stag dos and a wedding over the next 6 weeks. By himself?

I’ve just read the update to say he’s got more weddings/stag dos, all ones OP still isn’t invited to. One guy is having two stag dos- who does that? And who isn’t allowed to bring a plus one!

So he’s basically staying away most weekends.
I’m sorry OP but I don’t believe he’s even going to stag dos/weddings.

SaturdayRocks · 15/05/2021 21:56

I don’t understand why people start threads on topics like this - because surely 100 x more infuriating than the selfish, stag do-obsessed man-child husbands, are all the mindless types who rush onto the thread to say YABU and ‘controlling’ (🙄🥱).

OP - you know how you feel about it. You know your husband is being unreasonable to expect to be catered for in this way, when there’s ZERO chance of him ever returning the favour.

Why bring idiots into the mix to tell you he’s entitled to be such a dick?

It’s not helpful. Go and talk to your husband. Explain how this makes you feel, and what you think is a reasonable compromise. And either he agrees or he doesn’t.

Then, you know where you stand re: his dickishness and care and consideration for you and your DC, and you can move on.

mabelmint · 15/05/2021 22:18

I think it's fine. It does seem a lot but this is a product of lockdown and no events for ages. And yes I'v had two under two living hundreds of miles from family and both myself and DH had weekends away.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 22:19

The OP choose to have 2 children close together, if her partner/Husband walked out of the door/was ill/died she would have to handle it.

What a misogynistic perspective.

They chose to have two children close together. Both of them did the deed and are stuck with the outcome together. Yes I suppose he'd get a free pass if he died but he hasn't.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2021 22:22

@mabelmint

I think it's fine. It does seem a lot but this is a product of lockdown and no events for ages. And yes I'v had two under two living hundreds of miles from family and both myself and DH had weekends away.

If we're playing Top Trumps I live thousands of miles away from family and DH went to Vegas for a week when DD was small.

I still think three weekends for one wedding she's not invited to is twatty.

namechangingforthis19586 · 15/05/2021 22:22

Ahh controlling, ok. And what is it when one parent decides the other must look after their children single handed for two weekends in a row, restricting their freedom? What’s that called? Male privilege?

Exactly.

And the theoretical notion that she will waltz out for two consecutive weekends at some mythical future date does not make it fine.