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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say women can have it all?

205 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 05/05/2021 15:37

  1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship
  2. Gorgeous kids
  3. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
  4. Close family and friends
  5. Fantastic and high paying job.
OP posts:
inmyslippers · 05/05/2021 15:38

By all means say it

denverRegina · 05/05/2021 15:39

Is that "it all" to you then?

EssentialHummus · 05/05/2021 15:40

Yes, but not all at once.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/05/2021 15:40

Yanbu to say it. Like one of those 'positive thinking' type of things but of course women can't have it all because that's just not largely how the world works for most women. But this type of 'girl boss' feminism can be inspirational, I guess.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/05/2021 15:41

The phrase 'having it all' is eminently unreasonable, as is any idea that a career and a family are mutually incompatible if you happen to have a vagina.

Women have only ever asked for what men have always taken for granted as theirs by right.

CarlottaValdez · 05/05/2021 15:41

I have all that I suppose (just one kid). I’m not sure it’s that unusual?

VWcamperT5 · 05/05/2021 15:42

I guess "having it all" will be different for everyone depending on what it is you actually want

Macncheeseballs · 05/05/2021 15:42

Yes of course

CarlottaValdez · 05/05/2021 15:42

Oh and what counts as high paying? I may or may not qualify

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 05/05/2021 15:43

I've got 4.5 out of 5 of those - my job is fantastic but not high paying at the moment (could become so in time, though by no means guaranteed!) And I have a cousin who appears to have all 5, though you never really know how good someone's marriage is from the outside, only the people in it really know that.

So yes, it's possible, but most people don't have it. I think for most people 3 out 5 is considered pretty good.

Postern · 05/05/2021 15:46

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

The phrase 'having it all' is eminently unreasonable, as is any idea that a career and a family are mutually incompatible if you happen to have a vagina.

Women have only ever asked for what men have always taken for granted as theirs by right.

Well said, @MarieIVanArkleStinks. Exactly.

OP, whether or not your children are ‘gorgeous’ or your job is either ‘high-paying’ or ‘fantastic’ is surely pretty subjective?

greeneyedlulu · 05/05/2021 15:46

Yes but with an entourage of staff (cleaner, nanny, gardener etc) and if they had all that but ugly kids, would said woman be seen as not having it all? Strange way to describe the kids

HenryHooverIII · 05/05/2021 15:46

Technically, yes they can.

But in reality, a lot of it is down to chance. Particularly actually having children and a decent relationship. And usually the children, nice home and good career need some form for hired help to assist in propping them up.

Babysharkdododont · 05/05/2021 15:47

I do alright for myself, but I don't have a fantastically high paying career, I'm a HCP so I'm paid reasonably well, but get lots of satisfaction from my work.
I feel really quite lucky with my lot, and do feel like I "have it all".

CarlottaValdez · 05/05/2021 15:48

Yes but with an entourage of staff (cleaner, nanny, gardener etc)

No you don’t need all this to have a high paying job and children if your husband pulls his weight.

Love2cycle · 05/05/2021 15:49

Sounds stressful!

CarlottaValdez · 05/05/2021 15:49

Good point on the children’s looks actually - DS is cute now but I’ll withdraw my having it all application if he grows up a minger like his mum.

Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 05/05/2021 15:50

Is it not the case then that facebook lives are actually real lives? We always get told how it is all fake, the smiling happy photos but surely that is not always the case?

OP posts:
denverRegina · 05/05/2021 15:51

What are you on about? Maybe they leave the ugly kid off fbook.

Tal45 · 05/05/2021 15:52

I guess it depends what works for you. I would find a high paying full time job extremely stressful and would never feel I had enough time for my 'gorgeous' kids as I'd always be worrying about my job. I guess if I'd found a job that I thought was fantastic maybe things would be different but mostly they're same shit different day to me.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/05/2021 15:52

Well if you're Kate Middleton this is exactly what life should be like. The majority of women, not so much. And of course facebook isn't a true depiction of real life. It's facebook.

ComDummings · 05/05/2021 15:53

No

ComDummings · 05/05/2021 15:53

Women cannot have it all. Maybe a few do but generally no.

CarlottaValdez · 05/05/2021 15:55

Women cannot have it all. Maybe a few do but generally no.

Which of the things on OP’s list do you think are wildly difficult to achieve?

UnforgottenPunk · 05/05/2021 15:55

Ok, so on face value in that case I may "have it all" as I probably tick all those boxes.

It doesn't mean life is a piece of cake though. It's tough. Health issues, ageing parent worries, bereavement, kids being bullied, school issues, the list goes on.

It's those things that don't generally make it to peoples Facebook posts. Even if people do have it all on the surface, there is almost guaranteed to be things going on in their lives behind the scenes.

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