To say women can have it all?

[BlossomOnTrees]

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship
2. Gorgeous kids
3. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
4. Close family and friends
5. Fantastic and high paying job.

Depends if that’s what you want. I have it “all” in that I have all I want:
Gorgeous daughter
Loony dog
Close knit family
Wonderful friends
High paying senior professional job
Nice guy friends for dates etc.. when I’m in the mood!

I no longer have a husband (yay) and don’t want another one

Huh

Where's :

1. Eating crisps while watching the Office in the middle of the day

THATS IT 'ALL'

"Having it all" is subjective, depending on what happiness means to that person.

Some people don't want children. Some people are happy with their vocational albeit low paid job (I am a nurse and am fulfilled and happy). Some people don't want to be married.

What an odd post. I'll assume you are writing an article or something and are looking for comments or soundbites.

Of course some will have everything on that list, most will not and most will have their own perspective of “it all”

My list would be very different, with probably 80% of boxes ticked which is enough to allow me to feel content with life as it is.

Your list of "having it all" is very different to mine

But your missing a few key things if having it all

• enjoying plenty of time off for hobbies

Amongst others

I believed I could have it all

I had the career, the husband, the beautiful babies, the friends and the house with plenty spare for holidays

But it was a busy life. I had to cut back my hours.
I now feel like I do have it all as I have 4 days off a week, 2 to myself, work 3 days in a Stimulating career, and have spare money.
But the cut in hours has meant less spare money and a smaller house

Have it all- I wish. Due to circumstances outwith my control Ive never 'had it all' . The world is a very different place to when I was young.

@EssentialHummus

Yes, but not all at once.

Absolutely this

That list is missing a pony.

I think "having it all" is wildly subjective. To me it's comfortably balancing having a family and satisfying job/career, because the notion stems from a time women were expected to stay home and the belief you can't do everything therefore you can't have everything. I personally think it's entirely possible to do both, I feel I have achieved it myself, it's achievable for me as I don't have a DH who shirks his own responsibilities and I have a career that easily fits around family life, I have a good work life balance and am generally happy. I think your list is a bit more demanding, though could tick them all myself (depending on definition of high salary!)

Well, women and men can have a selection of “it all”. Neither can have absolutely every possible aspect of life covered as there aren’t enough hours in the day and night!

You can’t physically both be at home throughout your child’s infant years and continue to be at work throughout that said period, but you can have happy and contented children (however you go about it) and a career that either remains good throughout or picks up after a brief hiatus.

Having good friends is a little bit luck of the draw, plus making an effort with those you meet!

And also, a fantastic and high paying job will most likely mean not a huge amount of time spent with said 'gorgeous kids'.

Is that the list we should aspire to have?

@BlossomOnTrees

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship

1. Gorgeous kids
2. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
3. Close family and friends
4. Fantastic and high paying job.

Yeah, try saying all that to an infertile widow who's just been made redundant and see how far you get.

what if the kids aren't gorgeous but just normal looking ?

@hotblacktea

what if the kids aren't gorgeous but just normal looking ?

Keep trying?

Obviously that’s a bad shot at a joke from me

@Rewis

Is that the list we should aspire to have?

I aspire to a downstairs toilet and a kinky weekend away without the children occasionally

I have neither at the moment

Must try harder

Hahaha get yourself on stage op, you have a new career as a comedian beckoning.

@hotblacktea

what if the kids aren't gorgeous but just normal looking ?

If you are a high earner, I'm sure you can pay for a surgery or just buy some gorgeous kids?

I have all that. We also have DH crazy ex adding unnecessary stress, both have a parent with cancer, haven’t seen our close family for over a year due to being expects in a pandemic. I think as others have said, it’s really subjective and it’s also transient, things can change so quickly!

@BlossomOnTrees

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship

1. Gorgeous kids
2. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
3. Close family and friends
4. Fantastic and high paying job.

But some people don’t want what you’ve described as it “all” or want more. 1) some people don’t want to be in a relationship 2) some people don’t want kids and some people unfortunately can’t have kids. 3) financially stable means different things to different people. To you, that could mean being mortgage free and having £100k in the bank. To another person, it could mean clawing their way out of debt or keeping a roof over their head. 4) some people have truly awful family members and are better not being close to them. 5) high paying job doesn’t always equal fantastic job. Sometimes people do jobs that they love, that are fantastic to them but that are lower paid: health and social care, teaching, non-profit roles, emergency services. Some people prefer to take lower paid jobs with more job security, for example choosing to work in the public sector rather than a riskier consultancy. Some people suffer with burn out and prefer working a lower paid job with less responsibility and stress.

You are also missing many other things that people might want from their lives:

• travel
• experiences
• being free of responsibility
• material possession and the latest gadgets

The list of what people want from their isn’t just defined by those 5 things that you want from your life.

I don't think there are enough hours in the day to have it all in a balanced way - for me anyway. I think I need to delegate more though.

I think the key point you've missed off the list is:

1. Completely equal divide of the mental load and domestic duties without paying for significant domestic help

That obviously is linked with number 1, but you can have a loving and strong relationship without having solved number 6, especially if you both work full time. Certainly I have everything on your 5 point list (except children, I'm expecting my first shortly) but still struggle with number 6 even before having kids, and expect it to worsen afterwards.

Only people i know who achieved this utopia had their mum and other family members pitching in at any time to raise the children and do the housework for them. Worked for them , but for most people decent affordable childcare and wraparound care stops so many women from having it all.