To say women can have it all?

[BlossomOnTrees]

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship
2. Gorgeous kids
3. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
4. Close family and friends
5. Fantastic and high paying job.

I would say I have it all, I am genuinely very happy and feel extremely lucky to have the life I do. It’s not what other people would consider having it all I’m sure, but do have it all- I have everything I have ever wanted, I’m loved, I love and me and my family are happy.

Personally I think liberal feminism has done women an immense disservice in teaching teaching them that all is positive and warm and fuzzy, girl power, "you do you"

Completely agree. “If you want to get your vag out on Only Fans, you go girl! It’s your vag, OWN IT!”

Life can change in the blink of an eye.

I feel I have all this, however it takes a lot of hard work, being organised and a supportive husband/partner who you can be a team with to share all home and family commitments.

But for some people ‘a lot of hard work’ equals a lots of stress and it sounds exhausting. That’s not having it all.

It’s different things for different people.

God, my idea of ‘it all’ goes way beyond that. I think it’s sexist and deeply bizarre that being a woman with a career, a relationship and children — normal male ‘achievements’ — is viewed as some kind of impossible pinnacle of totality.

And to the poster who cast doubt on women being the sole breadwinner while their partners were the SAHP, I’ve done that, admittedly briefly, when DH was in a hiatus between jobs, and I know three longterm male SAHPs. One has just returned to work when his youngest child started secondary, the other is at home with a three and a nine year old, one has six year old twins. It’s not something I could ever do.I’d choose sole breadwinner any way, if it came to a hard and fast choice.

I wish

Yes, I think I have this though possibly not the salary! I also have a brilliant husband who is 50/50 with me in managing all of this. We’re not stressed though we do have a cleaner!

I'll have whatever you've been smoking...

Feminism is about choice, and the ability for women and men to make choices equally..

Feminism isn't about choice. It occupies some of the most bitterly contested political ground, and it's often fiercely combative within and amongst its own factions. Where its various strands do agree is that's about levelling a playing field that's been skewed against women since the year dot by a society in which every single strata is systemically, institutionally and socially set up to benefit men. It's about redressing discrimination against women, and preserving our hard fought-for sex-based rights to enable protection from violence at the hands of the physically stronger sex (a problem which is still, sadly, all-too pervasive).

In a society like that, these are factors which may well determine the choices we make: in every way from the pay gap between the sexes to maternity legislation to the 'glass ceiling' often experienced by female professionals.

If those injustices are redressed and free choice later happens as a natural consequence, all to the good. But choice alone has never been the real objective of feminism.

And if women don't want all of those things?

God, my idea of ‘it all’ goes way beyond that. I think it’s sexist and deeply bizarre that being a woman with a career, a relationship and children — normal male ‘achievements’ — is viewed as some kind of impossible pinnacle of totality.

Amen.

@inmyslippers

By all means say it

Hahahaha!

I finally feel like I 'have it all'

• a happy child
• 1 ex husband who is a good Dad and has changed his work pattern so he can do pretty much 50:50
• happy to be single
• brilliant and close friends & family
• working for myself and earning enough while still having the flexibility around my DD and my own need for time.

Yes, but rarely is life that generous

You may have just been made redundant
Your DH may have had to relocate to a new area for work and you don’t know anyone
Your dc may have a mental/physical issue

Life is not always in your control

All you need is to add “work/life balance” to your list and you’d have all the bullshit bingo squares filled.

I don’t think you can have it all.
Something has to give.

@BlossomOnTrees

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship

1. Gorgeous kids
2. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
3. Close family and friends
4. Fantastic and high paying job.

Are you one of The Real Housewives of Cheshire?

@BlossomOnTrees

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship

1. Gorgeous kids
2. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
3. Close family and friends
4. Fantastic and high paying job.

Have you failed to have it all if your kids are plain looking? Or you've risen above a poor family background?

Frankly your mystical "woman who has it all" sounds irritating.

Nothing about personality or kind heart. She's probably a smug cow.

Not many people (men or women) are going to have that, although I'm sure there are a handful that do. And sometimes 'having it all' comes with periods of guilt because you can't stretch time.

I have quite a lot I suppose. My marriage is currently stable, I think my DC are gorgeous and more importantly they are healthy. My job and DH job pay well enough that we have a bit of a financial buffer and we don't lose sleep over money. I have lovely family and friends. I fall down on point 5 as my job is neither fantastic or high paying but it's adequate for my life.

So right about the liberation vs liberal feminism. Liberal feminism gives us tight T shirts with slogans on for men to stare out.

We should be aiming for liberation.

I have those things on the list but things I would like are :
-to travel the world by myself
-be a spy, or a diplomat, or both

• command a ship

-write fascinating books that are read the world over, on philosophy or new discoveries. -have something named after me -be elevated to the house of lords -record an album -go on tour -design a building

I reckon if I did all those I'd 'have it all'

You have to have some luck in there. Sure decisions we make affect outcome, but a large proportion of jobs - probably more than 50% have below average wage. Accommodation prices have also grown faster than wages, so not achievable by many (but I do believe some people do genuinely have all of those things).

Plus health problems might affect kids, job and financial stability.

I couldn’t cope with having all that. It looks fucking knackering.

@CarlottaValdez

Yes but with an entourage of staff (cleaner, nanny, gardener etc)

No you don’t need all this to have a high paying job and children if your husband pulls his weight.

Yep. So many accept though that even when back at work after maternity leave its a woman's job, sad.

Looks stressful and exhausting. So bloody bored of this tick box list of achievements that has come to define what it means to be a successful woman. As stifling as the 1950s housewife ideal.