To say women can have it all?

[BlossomOnTrees]

1. A strong and loving marriage or relationship
2. Gorgeous kids
3. Financially stable with lots of extra left over
4. Close family and friends
5. Fantastic and high paying job.

@VWcamperT5

Your list of "having it all" is very different to mine

Me too.

I wouldn't want your life OP.

I’ve got 4 out of 5 ...... and to be fair it’s easier single than it was in a relationship

Some women can, lots can't.

The women who can are probably privileged (white, financially comfortable background, good education etc).

I think the point is you can’t have 5/5 of those things and lots of time off/time-consuming hobbies/all the things you had before children, or not without the opportunity cost factor of less time with the children or spouse or sleeping. Something has to give somewhere.

1,2, and 4 will do for me, although we do have money left over, just not copious amounts from not wanting no5.

1. Health
2. Interests and hobbies.

I also hate the phrase having it all until I saw either the crown or meryl Streep as Maggie thatcher cooking eggs for the lads because she was a woman and a man? Having it all means being a stay at home parent and housewife simultaneously as having a full time career. It's bullshit. You can't have a full time career, take on all the household labour and do childcare for your kids. It is literally not possible. Also please not men don't want it all, it's not an aspiration, because who wants to have all the home shit on top of work?

I didn't hate the phrase ' having it all' until .....

I have all of that but it's mostly luck.
Structurally it's very hard for women to achieve that. We're paid less, expected to be at home more and pick up all the wife work.
It's a vicious circle-the flexible well paid work is only available to the university educated, house prices are a huge squeeze without parental help.
The only thing that's helped me over and above a big dose of privilege is pushing for flexible working and being confident that I add value as an employee.

I now earn more than an average salary but for school hours which is really a very fortunate position.

Oh and my Dh does most of the wife work, that's my true blessing!

I don't see how it's possible personally. I've just made a choice between going to uni to pursue a career and my family and my family won as it isn't possible to do both as well as I'd want to. That's not to say some can't do it, it depends on so many factors, how many kids, how pressured the career, supportive partner etc to make it all work I'd have thought

Do you realise some woman do not want all the things on that list?

How depressing that, on item 2, your emphasis is on the children being "gorgeous"

Personally, I don't value / judge my children on their looks

Of course they can op.

The key thing though is the good relationship (if in one). And sometimes the heart is blind and we hobble ourselves.

Also key I think is self belief. Look how many people on this thread alone don’t think it is possible 🤷🏻‍♀️

@RJnomore1

Of course they can op.

The key thing though is the good relationship (if in one). And sometimes the heart is blind and we hobble ourselves.

Also key I think is self belief. Look how many people on this thread alone don’t think it is possible 🤷🏻‍♀️

No matter how much I wish or believe it is not possible for me to do the career that I trained and am university education for because I'm the primary carer for 2 disabled children.

I could hand them over to a nanny and still have a career, i suppose, but given the nature of the disabilities I feel it would be letting them down massively.

How do you suppose Self Belief will assist with this problem?

How do you know your own circumstances won't change?

BTW I used to think as you did and then things happened that weren't part of the plan.

Sorry university educated!

Do you have no partner who can take on the childcare?

Also you’re freely admitting you could get child care but choose not to.

That’s not a criticism but it does give you more choice than you’re admitting to there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would consider I have had it all. To be fair it’s overrated and I have now semiretired and I am much happier. I watched “Keeping Faith” recently and the scenes where she has outbursts are very accurate I know she is going through a meltdown but it the default method of letting off steam when you are being pulled in every direction possible.
At times it feels like organised chaos.

Yes they can have all of those things, apparently they haven't worked out how not to sound like a twat though.

I have all those things but certainly wouldn’t say I have it all. Having a high paying job for example has a trade off...much less time spent with my boys as I would wish.

Children can be 'gorgeous' and not happy/emotionally stable.
Of course the OP and many others will argue they have it all. I've a friend who's an Ed Psych who will tell you otherwise (he's obviously not told me any details but has said he's as many cases from the 'Mum and Dad have it all' areas as from the very poor areas.

1. Yes but he earns more than me in the same career because he didn't take maternity leave periods. It is not financially sensible for him to be the full time carer and not me. Equally he does not have the same bond and understanding of the children's needs. He couldn't do my role.

1. Yes and No, my children's disabilities are such that they would struggle with a nanny. The nanny would have to be specialist trained and it is likely that my entire salary and some of my partners would have to go on it. My children can't attend school specialist or otherwise due to their disabilities so I am a reluctant educator as well so the care would be 24/7. So I have considered this but ruled it out as unviable.

I have no choice, no one with my career would want to be only entitled to carers allowance !

Many many people are in this position.

Gorgeous kids is surely a genetic lottery so not sure how you can guarantee that.

Seriously? How shallow you sound. A woman is only successful if she is married, has kids, has a high paying job with tons of money left over and has close family and friends?

I have none of the above and never will. Good to know I'll never be closed as successful.

Classed not closed

I have a good marriage & think my dc are gorgeous. We have a good income but would always like more. My job is great on that it's flexi, I'm tto & p/t but I don't get paid loads. I do have good friends & family.

What I will say that the willingness of my family to help out with childcare, babysitting, DIY etc as massively facilitated me being able to work. I do have cleaner despite DH pulling his weight & an occasional gardener.