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Original poster

Sil takes comforting dino out of DD(2yo) hands to give to a 5yo boy who had just punched dd

209 replies

UmmMaryam2019 · 03/05/2021 17:54

We were at my in-laws, who empty every toy box they have for the 3kids (Dd, her great uncles 5yo son and 2yo daughter) to play with in a spare room.
Dd enjoys holding teddies, she found 1 soft toy - a dino and held on to it for most the evening.
(I had left Dd at in-laws for first time alone that morning for 30 mins, while I had a blood test. We stayed there for most the morning and got invited to this bday meal for the evening. I think she had the dino then too)
The 5yo boy is spoilt and gets away with a lot, even hitting his sister and so obviously we keep a close eye on our dd.

It got very late and the girls were settling down but the boy was agitated. He punched Dd who defended herself 'don't punch me, I don't like it' she said. Btw he was not told off for that. Then dd snuggled up to sil with the dino. Continuing with his mission of snatching anything she has he snuck up behind them and tried to take it. Dd didn't let him take it but sil pulled it out her hands! I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me, eventually said 'no-one can have it' and thrust it under her. She tried to distract Dd with her mobile when dd asked for the dino back.

Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly.
Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her.

5 mins later sil took the dino to the boy into the spare room, where apparently he was given the entire birthday cake to compensate for not getting his way. But he still lashed out kicking punching screaming when his dad tried to stop him completely ruining the cake.

Am I really in the wrong here? Shouldn't she have explained not to snatch and to ask if he can have a turn now. Instead of screaming at me!

Dd did not forget, for 2 weeks in her sleep she would ask for the dino back.
We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours.

It seems teaching children how to share and take turns it's out the window and punishing their only grandchild/niece for not giving in to a boys will it the next step forward.

I was incredibly mad, I wanted to buy the same dino for her myself. Would it be so bad if I did?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 03/05/2021 17:57

Do it
He sounds horrible and they all enable him

FrenchBoule · 03/05/2021 17:57

No. Buy your DD a dino and reduce your visits.

AlmostSummer21 · 03/05/2021 17:59

Your SIL is a twat.
Little shit boy needs some decent parenting.

Buy DD the Dino if you can find one & keep the little delight far away from Dd.

Crazycatlady83 · 03/05/2021 18:00

Buy the dino!

AnUnoriginalUsername · 03/05/2021 18:01

Yeah I'd buy her one, poor thing.

You can't change how others parent, just reduce visits as much as you're comfortable with and advocate for her, show her that you don't let people treat you badly no matter who they are. They're happy upsetting a kid, you don't need to worry about upsetting them.

TheWernethWife · 03/05/2021 18:02

Buy your DD a dino and reduce your visits

Bloody good advice OP - obviously in-laws won't defend your DD and enable the spoilt 5 year old.

Turtles4543 · 03/05/2021 18:02

Absolutely buy the Dino, buy two. Horrible behaviour by sil.

WaltzingBetty · 03/05/2021 18:04

What did your DH say when your child was punched and you were screamed at?

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 03/05/2021 18:04

Buy the dino! Don't take her there again.

EL8888 · 03/05/2021 18:04

Another vote for buy the Dino. SIL and her child both sound vile. I would also step back from in-laws

HelloDulling · 03/05/2021 18:05

Buy the toy, go there less often, they obviously value boys above girls.

Is your partner on board?

RachelRaven · 03/05/2021 18:07

If have already bought the dino. And i wouldnt have taken her back.

RemyMorgan · 03/05/2021 18:08

I would have taken the Dino from SIL and returned it to the child, personally! And then left. What a cow.

Your poor DD! I wouldn't be around them again and when asked why I'd tell the truth!!

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 18:09

He'll meet his match in school.

Buy her a Dino and Block these fuckers.

LuaDipa · 03/05/2021 18:09

Yanbu. Buy the dino and keep your dd away from that shitshow.

Seeline · 03/05/2021 18:11

Obviously the boy was wrong to punch, and SIL behaved badly. However, you say children should share. Your DD had had the toy all day from your description. Perhaps you could have encouraged her to share too?

LittleOwl153 · 03/05/2021 18:12

I wouldn't take DD there again at all. The lack of toys on your last visit seems to have suggested they have demonised a 2yr old! What did you DH have to say about it all - as I assume it's his family you are talking about.

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 18:13

@Seeline

Obviously the boy was wrong to punch, and SIL behaved badly. However, you say children should share. Your DD had had the toy all day from your description. Perhaps you could have encouraged her to share too?

🙄

LittleLadyCece · 03/05/2021 18:13

What an absolute brat. No good will come of that child if the parents/family continue to enable him. I'm shocked the family turned on you and then hide the toys the next visit! Another vote for buy the Dino and limit the visits from now on!

Plumbear2 · 03/05/2021 18:14

Just looking at this another way. Your dd had the toy for the majority of the day, had tbe boy requested a turn at some point? It's not appropriate to hit but 5 is still very young and you should be encouraging your child to share.

Herja · 03/05/2021 18:15

Buy it and fuck them off. Buy many. Ensure every time they see you (though that wouldn't be often if I were you...) that DD has the dino.

Wankers.

MoiraNotRuby · 03/05/2021 18:17

When you have a 2yo, all 5 year olds are huge savage monsters. They are actually still too small to play nicely all the time and you never know what else is going on. So yes buy a dinosaur and yes reduce your visits but don't hold a grudge that upsets the family for a long time to come.

AliceMcK · 03/05/2021 18:22

I’d have already bought it, stuck her name on it and made a point that she dose not have to share it with anyone. I’d have also made a point of going LC and when they ask why I’d tell them you thought their behaviour was unacceptable and your not sure you want your child growing up around such an environment.

YoniAndGuy · 03/05/2021 18:24

Keep on turning down the invites.

'I dino if we can make that date :) '

Make sure the passive aggressive smiley is in there.

Bunch of fuckers.

apalledandshocked · 03/05/2021 18:24

@MoiraNotRuby

When you have a 2yo, all 5 year olds are huge savage monsters. They are actually still too small to play nicely all the time and you never know what else is going on. So yes buy a dinosaur and yes reduce your visits but don't hold a grudge that upsets the family for a long time to come.
They are still very small. They are also learning. However, that last word is crucial - they are learning - so the adults need to teach them. It is completely normaly behviour for them to snatch and even (ocassionally) to hit although they shouldnt. It is completely rubbish if the adults around them excuse that, and teach them that that behaviour is OK. So I would be judging the SiL (and granddad) far more harshly than the little boy.