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Original poster

Sil takes comforting dino out of DD(2yo) hands to give to a 5yo boy who had just punched dd

209 replies

UmmMaryam2019 · 03/05/2021 17:54

We were at my in-laws, who empty every toy box they have for the 3kids (Dd, her great uncles 5yo son and 2yo daughter) to play with in a spare room.
Dd enjoys holding teddies, she found 1 soft toy - a dino and held on to it for most the evening.
(I had left Dd at in-laws for first time alone that morning for 30 mins, while I had a blood test. We stayed there for most the morning and got invited to this bday meal for the evening. I think she had the dino then too)
The 5yo boy is spoilt and gets away with a lot, even hitting his sister and so obviously we keep a close eye on our dd.

It got very late and the girls were settling down but the boy was agitated. He punched Dd who defended herself 'don't punch me, I don't like it' she said. Btw he was not told off for that. Then dd snuggled up to sil with the dino. Continuing with his mission of snatching anything she has he snuck up behind them and tried to take it. Dd didn't let him take it but sil pulled it out her hands! I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me, eventually said 'no-one can have it' and thrust it under her. She tried to distract Dd with her mobile when dd asked for the dino back.

Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly.
Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her.

5 mins later sil took the dino to the boy into the spare room, where apparently he was given the entire birthday cake to compensate for not getting his way. But he still lashed out kicking punching screaming when his dad tried to stop him completely ruining the cake.

Am I really in the wrong here? Shouldn't she have explained not to snatch and to ask if he can have a turn now. Instead of screaming at me!

Dd did not forget, for 2 weeks in her sleep she would ask for the dino back.
We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours.

It seems teaching children how to share and take turns it's out the window and punishing their only grandchild/niece for not giving in to a boys will it the next step forward.

I was incredibly mad, I wanted to buy the same dino for her myself. Would it be so bad if I did?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/05/2021 19:17

[quote OhShitShit]@WorraLiberty

Fear OP and her daughter are in for a shock when she starts nursery. Grin[/quote]
Oh God yes, didn't think about that! 🙈

Namechangedzzz · 03/05/2021 19:19

Buy a dinosaur make sure it has her name on it which cannot be removed if you see them then they cannot say it is their one. Please say your daughter that she doesn't have to share her special thing. It sounds like they will always favour him over your dad 😟

Namechangedzzz · 03/05/2021 19:19

DD not dad

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 19:21

Looks like SIL and friends have found the Thread 😂

Iamaperiwinkle · 03/05/2021 19:22

@FrenchBoule

No. Buy your DD a dino and reduce your visits.
I go further don't visit.
Yesmate · 03/05/2021 19:24

Why do people stay places when someone has screamed at them?! I would have got my DD and my stuff and left. Do not let people treat you that way. As for your DD, buy her a bloody dino

ClarkeGriffin · 03/05/2021 19:26

Never mind reducing contact, it'd take a lot to get me to have any contact with family like that again.

This. Reduce contact? More like stop it altogether. That kid is going to get way worse, he's being praised for punching a 2 year old. I'd hate being his teacher, bet parents evenings are hell.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 03/05/2021 19:29

Please say your daughter that she doesn't have to share her special thing
But the toy wasnt hers.
I agree a 5yr old shouldn't punch or snatch and sil should have calmly told him so but a lot of posters are acting as if the boy took the toy she had had from birth and the mother burnt it.most likely encouraged by the op suggesting her daughter cried I'm her sleep for a dinosaur for 2 weeks Hmm
She had had the toy (which wasnt hers) for one day

Lilymossflower · 03/05/2021 19:30

Yes buy the dino !

Also I personally would limit contact with the boy and his family

DishingOutDone · 03/05/2021 19:30

@Yesmate

Why do people stay places when someone has screamed at them?! I would have got my DD and my stuff and left. Do not let people treat you that way. As for your DD, buy her a bloody dino
This x 10. Why did you just sit there and let it happen? Just don’t go again 🤷‍♀️
Bracknellite · 03/05/2021 19:31

Buy the Dino, ditch the family.
Sorry but it’s that simple. They are toxic.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/05/2021 19:32

"Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly. Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her."

"We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours."

So, it's not just a batshit SIL and a spoilt nephew, the whole family collude in this behaviour Sad.

Fuck the lot of them, I would not subject my daughter to this. I would rebuff future invites and tell them why.

What has your husband got to say about how his family treated his child?

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 03/05/2021 19:32

This is probably one of the only times I'd have done really loud, performative parenting "oh I know DD that you've been playing so nicely with dino but this 5yo can't seem to wait like we've taught you to".

I'd also buy her an identical dinosaur if you can. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about other people's sub-par parenting.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/05/2021 19:33

And of course - buy your daughter a dino.

Footloosefancyfree · 03/05/2021 19:39

All this over a soft Dino. Christ she had it majority of the day should could have let him play with it and gave her something else. Just wait until your two are fighting over something.. as a mother of 3 dc I couldn't give this any headspace. Children that age aren't the best at sharing and it's all a learning curve they've all spent the best part of a year into days with little interactions with other kids.

Allwokedup · 03/05/2021 19:40

But her the Dino, it all sounds a bit strange.

LolaSmiles · 03/05/2021 19:42

Buy your DD a dino and reduce your visits
I agree with this.
Life is too short to be around people who want to teach young children than the male of the species can lash out, get his own way and it's the female of the species who is at fault.

StillRailing · 03/05/2021 19:43

The punching and screaming are the problem not the toy.

BumCat · 03/05/2021 19:45

God. Yeah. Get that dino for her.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 03/05/2021 19:45

Definitely buy her a Dino!

Because life is too short to be around spoilt brats and dickhead parents, there's a couple of families I've cut out my life because every visit consisted of their little darling getting their way at the upset and expense of my own kids, my DC being either hurt or called names and nothing being done, and the worst one where I actually walked out on a friend and have never seen her again...her (very spoilt) DD and my DD, both 6 at the time, went to open a door but grabbed the handle at the same time. Her DD's hand was underneath my DD's and she made the world's biggest deal about it. It was obviously an accident (not even that, it was 'one of those things' really) and DD apologised. 25 minutes later the other child was curled up in a ball screaming that her hand felt like it was on fire and my DD did it on purpose. I was Hmm and ignored her but her mum said to my DD "Lucy's hand really hurts and she thinks you did it on purpose - I want you to admit you did and give her a proper apology" Shock I stepped in and said "No DD you don't have to apologise, clearly it was an accident and her hand is fine, don't let anyway make you feel like you've done wrong you haven't". Well Merry hell broke loose, my friend held her sobbing over reacting DD on her knee as she said to me how could I be so cruel she's obviously in extreme pain. We had it out a little, i left and never went back.

logithio · 03/05/2021 19:46

Was it the 5 year old's birthday and they felt you had ruined the birthday and that that was why the 5 year old got upset and had a meltdown? And that was why they were going easy on him?

Were you telling the birthday boy off because he wanted the dino back? Or did the other adults want you to gently remove dino from your 2 year old and give back to birthday boy?

Even if not, i think you might have missed out something somewhere along the line, not on purpose, you have missed something and their version might be different from yours.

I think buying a dino is fine but you should try to work out whether you did do something to really upset them all - as opposed to them all being just irrational or dysfuctional.

HyacynthBucket · 03/05/2021 19:49

Sounds like this is a very boy-centric family. I feel sorry for the boy's sister as well as your dd, OP, as she is always going to come second by the sound of it. Is this a cultural issue, OP? Is that why your DH seems not to have made an input here?

KenAddams · 03/05/2021 19:50

@YoniAndGuy

Keep on turning down the invites.

'I dino if we can make that date :) '

Make sure the passive aggressive smiley is in there.

Bunch of fuckers.

Brilliant UV made my night lol
SunshineCake · 03/05/2021 19:57

I don't get why you need to ask if it is okay to buy your child a toy she has asked for.

Loopylobes · 03/05/2021 20:03

I don't get why you need to ask if it is okay to buy your child a toy she has asked for.

She was asking for people's thoughts, not their permission.

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