Sil takes comforting dino out of DD(2yo) hands to give to a 5yo boy who had just punched dd

[UmmMaryam2019]

We were at my in-laws, who empty every toy box they have for the 3kids (Dd, her great uncles 5yo son and 2yo daughter) to play with in a spare room.
Dd enjoys holding teddies, she found 1 soft toy - a dino and held on to it for most the evening.
(I had left Dd at in-laws for first time alone that morning for 30 mins, while I had a blood test. We stayed there for most the morning and got invited to this bday meal for the evening. I think she had the dino then too)
The 5yo boy is spoilt and gets away with a lot, even hitting his sister and so obviously we keep a close eye on our dd.

It got very late and the girls were settling down but the boy was agitated. He punched Dd who defended herself 'don't punch me, I don't like it' she said. Btw he was not told off for that. Then dd snuggled up to sil with the dino. Continuing with his mission of snatching anything she has he snuck up behind them and tried to take it. Dd didn't let him take it but sil pulled it out her hands! I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me, eventually said 'no-one can have it' and thrust it under her. She tried to distract Dd with her mobile when dd asked for the dino back.

Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly.
Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her.

5 mins later sil took the dino to the boy into the spare room, where apparently he was given the entire birthday cake to compensate for not getting his way. But he still lashed out kicking punching screaming when his dad tried to stop him completely ruining the cake.

Am I really in the wrong here? Shouldn't she have explained not to snatch and to ask if he can have a turn now. Instead of screaming at me!

Dd did not forget, for 2 weeks in her sleep she would ask for the dino back.
We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours.

It seems teaching children how to share and take turns it's out the window and punishing their only grandchild/niece for not giving in to a boys will it the next step forward.

I was incredibly mad, I wanted to buy the same dino for her myself. Would it be so bad if I did?

It seems the snatching was done by a 37yo SIL.

DD had had the toy throughout, and the little boy gets called greedy for wanting a turn?

I agree, some sharing would have helped the situation.

He shouldn't have been trying to snatch Dino but it was his toy and you could have removed it from DD once you noticed the trouble stirring.
He's 5 he probably thought she wanted to take Dino home.
Both adults should have defused the situation much earlier.
SiL was probably agitated while you sat there long before removing the toy.

Wow, sounds like a guide to raising another misogynistic, entitled, violent male, just what the world needs.

I’d keep well away from her OP.

In all seriousness many parents go through the stage of being outraged at 4 and 5 year olds' behaviour towards their PFB 2 year old, I did too...but, honestly, your dd will probably have her moments when she is 5 too.
That is truth IME too.
You'll think back to this when DD is 5 and would like a turn but will be ignored while a 2 y.o cuddles the toy, driving the 5 y.o to madness.
I'd bet you'll wish the 2 y.o would learn to share then 😉
It's an important lesson taking a turn.
You could have stopped it escalating.

Is this real?

was it the boys dinosaur? Is that why he was so desperate to take it?

I'm glad you bought DD a dinosaur. Buy her one for every day of the week and a shirt to match!

The SIL has issues. I wonder be going around anymore.

When your DD is a year or 2 older, enrol her in a martial arts class.

Dh was right next to Sil, the boys mum and dad were sat across Sil. His dad told him to leave the toy with dd, dh was telling sil to leave it with dd. It was his mother that had said (before her son crept behind sil and dd to take it) 'if they they can't share it, take it off both of them'. Spurring me to go pick dd up.
It's just as I pick Dd up sil pulled it out her hands, I try to lift it back, didn't mange with dd on my hip, so asked her to return it. she said no, I said don't make her cry (she gets weirdly attached to cuddly toys.
I think it was unfair the 2 dad's insisted the boy be ignored and not try compromise a share.
You're massively unreasonable not talking to DD about sharing in that moment, you allowed it carry on until his DM said it should be put away.
That's a rule if you won't share or play nice item is removed.
Even at that point you kicked off at SIL, you weren't willing to sort the situation by upsetting DD but are happy for the little boy to get upset being denied repeatedly.
He was wrong to hit DD but you an adult were unreasonable.
I wouldn't want you visiting again.

I think it was unfair the 2 dad's insisted the boy be ignored and not try compromise a share.
You're massively unreasonable not talking to DD about sharing in that moment, you allowed it carry on until his DM said it should be put away.
That's a rule if you won't share or play nice item is removed.
Even at that point you kicked off at SIL, you weren't willing to sort the situation by upsetting DD but are happy for the little boy to get upset being denied repeatedly.
He was wrong to hit DD but you an adult were unreasonable.
I wouldn't want you visiting again.

I agree that OP should have encouraged her DD to share but honestly can think of much worse things people have done with their kids than simply not tell them to share, without it being "not welcome back in the house" territory.

Honestly, a child that hits and is not punished but instead offered treats is a much worse thing to be around.