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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sil takes comforting dino out of DD(2yo) hands to give to a 5yo boy who had just punched dd

209 replies

UmmMaryam2019 · 03/05/2021 17:54

We were at my in-laws, who empty every toy box they have for the 3kids (Dd, her great uncles 5yo son and 2yo daughter) to play with in a spare room.
Dd enjoys holding teddies, she found 1 soft toy - a dino and held on to it for most the evening.
(I had left Dd at in-laws for first time alone that morning for 30 mins, while I had a blood test. We stayed there for most the morning and got invited to this bday meal for the evening. I think she had the dino then too)
The 5yo boy is spoilt and gets away with a lot, even hitting his sister and so obviously we keep a close eye on our dd.

It got very late and the girls were settling down but the boy was agitated. He punched Dd who defended herself 'don't punch me, I don't like it' she said. Btw he was not told off for that. Then dd snuggled up to sil with the dino. Continuing with his mission of snatching anything she has he snuck up behind them and tried to take it. Dd didn't let him take it but sil pulled it out her hands! I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me, eventually said 'no-one can have it' and thrust it under her. She tried to distract Dd with her mobile when dd asked for the dino back.

Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly.
Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her.

5 mins later sil took the dino to the boy into the spare room, where apparently he was given the entire birthday cake to compensate for not getting his way. But he still lashed out kicking punching screaming when his dad tried to stop him completely ruining the cake.

Am I really in the wrong here? Shouldn't she have explained not to snatch and to ask if he can have a turn now. Instead of screaming at me!

Dd did not forget, for 2 weeks in her sleep she would ask for the dino back.
We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours.

It seems teaching children how to share and take turns it's out the window and punishing their only grandchild/niece for not giving in to a boys will it the next step forward.

I was incredibly mad, I wanted to buy the same dino for her myself. Would it be so bad if I did?

OP posts:
Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 03/05/2021 18:45

Are they the in laws toys to be shared across all grandchildren?
In which case everyone needs to take turns. Adults need to help with this as they are all so young.
Could it be that the boy always used to play with the dino and once got tired and overtired wanted the comfort and then (wrongly) snatched. An overtired 5yr old isnt good at communicating.
Sil actions were out of line and as for fil comments -????
I would reduce visit times and try to leave before everyone gets tired and fed up (children and adults)
What did the in laws say when you asked where the toys were on your last visit?

mam0918 · 03/05/2021 18:48

This feels like a one sided story... this 'story' makes no sense at all, so you and DD did absoloutly nothing wrong (you are angels and the others are devils) and you are being (even in your own words 'oddly') punished by EVERYONE for no reason?

I garantee there would be a different story from the other side, this isnt an argument between you and the just the boys parents over kids fighting etc... and usually if everyone else is saying your in the wrong and adjusting their behavior to you then its usually you not them.

ElphabaTWitch · 03/05/2021 18:49

That’s rotten. Your poor dd is being made a scapegoat for that spoilt little shits brats behaviour. They should all be ashamed. Buy her the Dino. Then tell her she can share if she wants with friends but NEVER with him if she doesn’t want to. What a horrible way for a five year old to turn out. His parents must be awful and for the rest of the family to enabler their behaviour is terrible. Your poor dd actually visited and they DIDNT BRING OUT THE TOYS?? they actually did that to a child?? What absolute arseholes.

wildeverose · 03/05/2021 18:49

This is all very, very odd.

wildeverose · 03/05/2021 18:51

If she's been asking for a soft toy dinosaur for two weeks in her sleep, why have you not just got one already if she's that traumatised by it? The whole story is really odd tbh and I feel like there's a lot missing.

Definately · 03/05/2021 18:51

Sounds like you all kept the kids out far too late and they were very over stimulated which always ends in arguments.

Topseyt · 03/05/2021 18:54

I’d just get her the dino and then stop going there, at least for the foreseeable future.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 03/05/2021 18:57

Buy the Dino. Reduce contact. Make sure the Dino is obviously hers if you have to see them again so there are no ‘mistakes’ in removing it.

MyDogIsDrivingMeMad · 03/05/2021 18:57

I'd really want to buy her a dino, mark it somehow (put a bow on it, for example), take it with you next time you visit them, and make a big show of it.

What I'd actually do: Buy a dino for your daughter, speak to your husband about the incident, reduce contact drastically, and stand up to your horrible in-laws. I wouldn't care if they liked me or not, after that. They don't sound worth the effort of biting your tongue and keeping the peace.

Viviennemary · 03/05/2021 18:59

It was handled badly but the toy didn't belong to your DD. Dont go again.

OrchidLass · 03/05/2021 18:59

Sounds like an awful situation. I would have left as soon as the boy had punched my DD and SIL had shouted. I wouldn't have stayed after that. If a child punched one of mine and the parent acted appropriately then fair enough, it happens, but no, no way would I have hung around after that.

Buy the dino for your DD and limit contact to as little you dare.

HappyMeal654 · 03/05/2021 19:00

They gave him the whole cake?! It all sounds horrible I'd keep my child away from those situations, definitely buy the dino poor little thing

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2021 19:00

This all sounds very odd

Possibly also the sort of situation where you'd have to hear from all the adults present, in order to gauge what really happened.

I'm not saying your version isn't true OP, but often the parent of the wronged child will have a different recollection.

I'd probably buy them both a dino and be done with it.

FilthyforFirth · 03/05/2021 19:01

If you dont buy it for your dd, I will! Absolutely buy it for her and keep poor dd away from them. What sort of message are they sending that only the boy in the family gets to do as he pleases?

I would not want my dd in that environment.

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2021 19:01

And how did you react to your SIL screaming at you?

You've left that out of the OP completely.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 03/05/2021 19:03

What a bunch of nutters. Nothing good will come of this.

Definitely buy DD a massive f*ckoff expensive build a bear or similar dinosaur!
If I knew you IRL I'd be buying her one too! Your ILs sound unhinged OP.

ViciousJackdaw · 03/05/2021 19:04

I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me

What, she actually screamed? Not a loud or firm voice, not a stern tone, not even a shout but an actual scream?

MeridianB · 03/05/2021 19:04

@SoThisisMe

If my SIL behaved like that I'd take my child and leave. She screamed at you and no one said anything? Didn't tell her son off for hitting his younger cousin? Why is it relevant that he's male? Buy her the dino and see them all as little as possible in future because they sound like twats.
This.

I wouldn’t expect many 5yos to behave like this with much younger children. Your SIL sounds vile and the rest of the family sound like idiots. There’s no way I’d be leaving DD alone with them or going back with her any time soon. Definitely buy the Dino! 🦖

NewlyGranny · 03/05/2021 19:04

That's a dysfunctional setup right there, and I'd minimise the time DD spent there and it would never be without her DM!

We have odd ideas about 'sharing' possessions, demanding more of tiny children than we do of ourselves. Does SiL 'share' her car nicely with her friends? Does she take turns with her TV, allowing neighbours to walk off with it? No? Why not?

Sometimes you just need to scoop your child into your lap, leaving if anyone tried to bully you. Get her the fluffy Dino!

OhShitShit · 03/05/2021 19:06

Your two year old daughter asked for the Dino not to be taken from her in her sleep every night for two weeks did she?
Hmm

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2021 19:10

@OhShitShit

Your two year old daughter asked for the Dino not to be taken from her in her sleep every night for two weeks did she? Hmm
Yeah I raised an eyebrow at that too

It wasn't even hers Confused

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/05/2021 19:10

Buy 3, at least one will dissappear (be given to the boy).

OhShitShit · 03/05/2021 19:12

@WorraLiberty

Fear OP and her daughter are in for a shock when she starts nursery. Grin

MouseholeCat · 03/05/2021 19:13

This story has so many strange elements that make me feel like we're missing a lot of the picture.

The SIL actually screaming at OP. Everyone being angry at OP. The FIL mentioning that he's the only boy. The child being brought the whole cake. The DD mentioning the dino in her sleep for 2 weeks. This is all just weird stuff that bucks normal human behavior.

Pixie2015 · 03/05/2021 19:14

I would buy her 2 - sounds like a nice birthday celebration!