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Original poster

Sil takes comforting dino out of DD(2yo) hands to give to a 5yo boy who had just punched dd

209 replies

UmmMaryam2019 · 03/05/2021 17:54

We were at my in-laws, who empty every toy box they have for the 3kids (Dd, her great uncles 5yo son and 2yo daughter) to play with in a spare room.
Dd enjoys holding teddies, she found 1 soft toy - a dino and held on to it for most the evening.
(I had left Dd at in-laws for first time alone that morning for 30 mins, while I had a blood test. We stayed there for most the morning and got invited to this bday meal for the evening. I think she had the dino then too)
The 5yo boy is spoilt and gets away with a lot, even hitting his sister and so obviously we keep a close eye on our dd.

It got very late and the girls were settling down but the boy was agitated. He punched Dd who defended herself 'don't punch me, I don't like it' she said. Btw he was not told off for that. Then dd snuggled up to sil with the dino. Continuing with his mission of snatching anything she has he snuck up behind them and tried to take it. Dd didn't let him take it but sil pulled it out her hands! I told Sil to return it, she started screaming at me, eventually said 'no-one can have it' and thrust it under her. She tried to distract Dd with her mobile when dd asked for the dino back.

Fil added he's the first boy in the family since my youngest son(26yo) and that kids forget quickly.
Rest of in-laws, who were all watching(boys parents,my mil,fil,2 other sils, bil and their 2 aunties) seem pissed off at me. Obviously DD asked for the dino, they all pretended not to hear her.

5 mins later sil took the dino to the boy into the spare room, where apparently he was given the entire birthday cake to compensate for not getting his way. But he still lashed out kicking punching screaming when his dad tried to stop him completely ruining the cake.

Am I really in the wrong here? Shouldn't she have explained not to snatch and to ask if he can have a turn now. Instead of screaming at me!

Dd did not forget, for 2 weeks in her sleep she would ask for the dino back.
We finally revisited them after delaying many invites. This time it was only us visiting (odd), all the toys were hidden away (also odd), when dd asked for the dino she was told that's not yours.

It seems teaching children how to share and take turns it's out the window and punishing their only grandchild/niece for not giving in to a boys will it the next step forward.

I was incredibly mad, I wanted to buy the same dino for her myself. Would it be so bad if I did?

OP posts:
DonnaDonna01 · 03/05/2021 20:10

What did your husband say and do while this was going on? I take it it’s his family?

SonicStars · 03/05/2021 20:14

Sounds like they bought the Dino for their grandson, but your daughter didn't know that and you didn't know that. They assumed you would because Dino's are for boys duh!

Horrible attitudes all round.

I hope you buy her lots of Dino's and books about Dino's and Dino dresses and glittery Dino hair clips and then when she's an adult she thanks you for supporting her and getting her into paleontology. Or you know, that she just enjoys cuddling her new Dino

Aprilshowersandhail · 03/05/2021 20:17

Whenever I took dc to ils sil and her dc were there. My dc never got a look in with the toys /treats /or even the ils themselves! When I couldn't take it anymore I spoke to ils. Who spoke to sil. She agreed to stay away Monday and Thursday from 330 til 5
..how fucking gracious..
Dc never really had any sort of relationship with ils ...
When me and their ds divorced they saw the dc as he took them there when he cba to look after them himself..

apintofwhine · 03/05/2021 20:20

How old is DD?

Startingagainperson · 03/05/2021 20:24

I”d take any hitting really seriously. No matter how young they are. It would be a firm ‘no’ and then asking them to apologise.

If SIL ignores this and you feel like you cannot intervene when they are hitting, I don’t think you should go there anymore. Your DD only has you to defend her. No-one else. She it smaller and totally dependent on the adults to protect her. You must protect her, and a ‘punch’ sounds pretty severe. I’d never take my child there again.

Crosstrainer · 03/05/2021 20:29

Sounds like they bought the Dino for their grandson, but your daughter didn't know that and you didn't know that.

This was my thought too; they’ve told the little boy that it’s for him. Your DD has got hold of it and of course, no one can then say “oh, it’s for Harry”. So when “Harry” finally loses it over not being able to have his toy, they side with him.

But your DD the dinosaur she wants - and think twice about going there again....

AmyDudley · 03/05/2021 20:30

How old is DD?

I think she's maybe about 83 ............. oh no wait a minute it clearly says in the thread title that she's 2

Horehound · 03/05/2021 20:34

Id never send my child there again. They sound awful. Deffo buy the Dino!

GreenDahlia · 03/05/2021 20:36

@Crosstrainer

Sounds like they bought the Dino for their grandson, but your daughter didn't know that and you didn't know that.

This was my thought too; they’ve told the little boy that it’s for him. Your DD has got hold of it and of course, no one can then say “oh, it’s for Harry”. So when “Harry” finally loses it over not being able to have his toy, they side with him.

But your DD the dinosaur she wants - and think twice about going there again....

I thought everyone was meant to be SHARING though 🤔

Aprilshowersandhail · 03/05/2021 20:37

Buy the Dino and send pics to all the relatives.... They all sound awful..

shouldistop · 03/05/2021 20:47

What did your SIL actually scream at you?

I think the boy was probably told the Dino toy was for him or maybe he'd been asking for a turn all day and kept being asked to wait.

Who's birthday was it?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 03/05/2021 20:53

@AmyDudley

How old is DD?

I think she's maybe about 83 ............. oh no wait a minute it clearly says in the thread title that she's 2

😂😂😂
Cryalot2 · 03/05/2021 20:56

Your poor dd. Buy 2 (for washing and in case 1 gets lost)
Never mix with these rude people again.
How dare they treat your dd like this.

Italiangreyhound · 03/05/2021 21:02

Agree with OrchidLass

"Sounds like an awful situation. I would have left as soon as the boy had punched my DD and SIL had shouted. I wouldn't have stayed after that. If a child punched one of mine and the parent acted appropriately then fair enough, it happens, but no, no way would I have hung around after that."

Buy the dino.

Limit contact.

Tell them why you are limiting contact. They need to know what they are doing wrong.

MrsDSalvatore · 03/05/2021 21:17

They sound awful.. Buy her 10 of them Grin

Evanna13 · 03/05/2021 21:20

Was it the little boys birthday? Was the dino a birthday present?

It all sounds very strange and we are only hearing one side of the story.
However your SIL should have corrected her son for hitting/ grabbing etc And as for giving him a whole cake at bedtime????

It sounds like it was a the end of a very long day and everyone was tired.

Yes, buy your DD a dino, she obviously loved it. However there may be other stuff going on with the family so try not to hold a grudge. Maybe cut back and keep your visits shorter in future but they are still your daughters grandparents, cousins etc so try your best to avoid conflict with them.

babbaloushka · 03/05/2021 21:30

@OhShitShit

Your two year old daughter asked for the Dino not to be taken from her in her sleep every night for two weeks did she? Hmm
Tbf, my eldest once found a "special squish" that was a sea anemone she'd scraped off a rock at the beach and hid in her pocket. She was literally inconsolable when I chucked it and would cry randomly about it for weeks after. Kids are weird. Not discounting the possibly of fabrication, though.
1WayOrAnother2 · 03/05/2021 21:33

You will always want to be on your DD's side - but life is full of little injustices. She will cope.

Get her a dino - she liked it. (Why would you not?)

babbaloushka · 03/05/2021 21:34

Can we have a link to a dino lookalike, I want to get one for DN now. Grin

Startingagainperson · 03/05/2021 22:28

I’m not sure why anyone is focusing on the Dino, including the OP.

She said that her 2 year old was punched and no one, including the OP, said anything. All SIL did was shout at the OP.

That is seriously messed up and no child should be punched or hit without immediate adult intervention, consequences and in the future keeping your child safe OP. Which is not being punched anyone. Poor kid!

Startingagainperson · 03/05/2021 22:30

@1WayOrAnother2

You will always want to be on your DD's side - but life is full of little injustices. She will cope.

Get her a dino - she liked it. (Why would you not?)

Being hit or punched isn’t a ‘little injustice’, especially if you are a child and you are hit in front of adults who do absolutely nothing.
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/05/2021 23:00

I dino if we can make that date
😂😂😂😂.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 03/05/2021 23:07

No. Buy your DD a dino and reduce your visits.

^^ Totally this

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/05/2021 23:17

Why are you asking if its okay to buy your own DD a toy dinosaur.

I must say I actually feel sorry for this little boy. How is he expected to act properly when he's pondered to never said no to and allowed to behave any way he chooses. It's going to come as a shock to him when he realises the world isn't going to pussy foot around him.

Skysblue · 03/05/2021 23:29

If I had a 5 yo who punched a 2yo I would go MENTAL at the 5yo. Probably say 5yo gets no tv or sugar for a week at least. (This is why my child is well behaved.)

They’re gonna have a nightmare teenager. 🤷‍♀️ Sounds like a horrible family tbh. Was she really screaming at you?! In my family we don’t raise our voices. Sounds like they are pretty horrible and that you don’t fit in, which is a good thing.

You don’t need our permission to buy your dd the dino. I would have already done it 🤣