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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude?

260 replies

Lucidas · 03/05/2021 11:46

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

OP posts:
poppycat10 · 03/05/2021 13:17

I agree he was rude and he wouldn't have behaved like that to a (white) man.

But if you need to check your route, get out of other people's way and then check it. There are usually plenty of side roads to pull into.

mn81987 · 03/05/2021 13:18

Also yes he was rude but he's prob sick to the back teeth of people like you piss arsing around!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/05/2021 13:19

I agree he was rude and he wouldn't have behaved like that to a (white) man.

I am sorry but ee absolutely don't know that. I've seen many men telling other man to get a fuck on/move/fuck off finally/shut it etc.

Catdogmum · 03/05/2021 13:19

It sounds like there were two spaces available at the front of the queue so presumably his detour to come and berate you also delayed the queue more than him getting out of the way and allowing the next person into the space he vacated? It’s a bit annoying when people faff getting back in their cars at petrol stations/tips etc but definitely better that that the people who try and do it while driving.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/05/2021 13:19

You... could have set your sat nav up to take you to your destination via the tip.

However, he was VERY rude, he'd already dumped his stuff but instead of minding his biz, he holds up the queue further to berate you about holding up the queue...

Yes i think its likely he shouted at you because you are female and he isn't, I doubt he'd have taken it upon himself to shout at another man.

themalamander · 03/05/2021 13:19

Do not have a voice controlled sat nav you could just ask to see home as the destination? Or did you not set it as a two stop trip to get you there and back?

Really, hitting "new route" and "home" iis 2 taps of your finger on the screen while your phone is mounted infront of you. Sitting in sitting queue, not moving, really there was no risk.

It is irritating when people are not efficient, or make choices which cause other people to wait longer. It just is annoying so you cant pretend you didnt realise you were annoying. However, it's no excuse for someone to shout at you. Both of you were being a bit bad.

Puffalicious · 03/05/2021 13:19

Why has it got to be down to your religion, race or sex? You were annoying, he was annoyed and reacted badly- end of story.

TheLastLotus · 03/05/2021 13:19

You were both rude but not sure if his behaviour was driven by the hijab

Tambora · 03/05/2021 13:25

You have to book a slot at our local tip, they don't just let you queue to get in. If there was a 5 minute wait, then you sitting there fiddling about on your phone for a minute made it a longer wait for somebody else.

themuttsnutts · 03/05/2021 13:26

Yes, you could have checked yor sat nav elsewhere given the queue but he was an absolute arse for banging on your window

AbsolutelyPatsy · 03/05/2021 13:26

@rwalker

You were rude and in the wrong the guy's managing a que everyones waiting and your pissing about on your phone . Rather than pull round the corner you make the entire que wait for you RUDE
none of his business, he was not managing the QUEUE
Gingerwhinger1 · 03/05/2021 13:26

I think he’s an impatient twunt, but from his perspective there’s a queue and you’re holding it up by messing about on your phone, he wouldn’t know you were using it to get directions.
I can’t see why you couldn’t just exit tip and find somewhere safe to pullover and do it there. It’s a bit inconsiderate to do what you did and I’d be cursing you (under my breath) if you did it to me.

Namenic · 03/05/2021 13:27

He was rude and shouldn’t have done that.

toocold54 · 03/05/2021 13:29

He was rude especially after such a short amount of time but you were on your phone which usually means you’re texting.

Many people wouldn’t think twice about sitting in their car for 20mins even if there is a queue so he probably just thought you were one of those type of people.
I would usually leave and then put it in the sat nav but it’s not always possible.

SofiaMichelle · 03/05/2021 13:29

Is there a particular reason why you didn't drive out of the site and stop somewhere else to programme your sat nav?

To me, what you did was like going through a supermarket checkout but not picking up your bags and moving out of the way before making a phone call.

You were unnecessarily blocking other people's progress, whether it was 30 seconds or 5 minutes.

MrsTophamHat · 03/05/2021 13:31

Both unreasonable.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2021 13:32

Honestly it’s really inconsiderate to sit and look for directions when people are waiting. And I’m going to bet it was much longer than that because it would have taken him longer to see you weren’t moving and to get to you.

It’s nothing to do with your dress or religion, it’s simply people were queuing behind you and you were inconsiderate.

KatherineJaneway · 03/05/2021 13:41

My question is, were you blocking others in?

From what you have said, it sounded like he could to get past you.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/05/2021 13:44

Absolutely nobody can say how he would have behave

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/05/2021 13:46

Try again,

Absolutely nobody can say how he would have behaved towards anyone else in the car. Yes he could have been more polite, but you should not be sat in your car blocking people whilst you are s

redcarbluecar · 03/05/2021 13:47

He was rude - there’s no excuse for speaking to someone in that way. Forget about him.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 03/05/2021 13:47

If there was a queue of almost five minutes to get in to the tip why didn't you sort out the satnav then?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/05/2021 13:47

Ffs
Sat in your car, which by your own admission was for quite a while. You were in the wrong.

SeaShoreGalore · 03/05/2021 13:48

I bet it was very much linked to you wearing a hijab. Women wearing a hijab have an image of being very meek and weak, so he probably felt pretty confident he wouldn’t get a mouthful back.

Freddiefox · 03/05/2021 13:49

@araiwa

Don't be a selfish CF if you don't want to be told off
If this had been a man looking at a map the other man wouldn’t have uttered a word.