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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this man was rude?

260 replies

Lucidas · 03/05/2021 11:46

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

OP posts:

Freddiefox · 03/05/2021 14:16

@BadLad

Well I don’t because I wasn’t there. But I’ve seen plenty of man speak to women in a bossy tone and be nice as pie to men to jump to the conclusion that he wouldn’t have banged on a mans window and tell them to move on

I think we all know it's a farted out comment that you don't actually know and can't possibly know. It's just funny that you stated it as if it were a fact.

It’s just a different opinion from yours though. Which are always healthy for discussion. I absolutely believe that men are ruder to women than men, and often treat men with more respect.

I don’t believe that this man would have spoken to a man the way he spoke to the op. But seeing as neither of us were there, we’ll never know.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 03/05/2021 14:17

Both of you were unreasonable. He shouldn't have been rude , absolutely not but this sort of faffing around always comes across to me as incredibly entitled. Our waste recycling site is incredibly busy and it would be a very entitled thing to do to faff taking up a space. If you really were so unsure of your journey hone I'd be seriously questiong your common sense. You could have found somewhere nearby (its incredibly silly to wail that you could be driving for a while. .I mean seriously ...most urban areas would have a place shortly to pull over ) .

I don't think any of us or you can comment on whether the hijab or the fact you are female factor in. There simply isn't enough information 8n the encounter to make a judgement wither way but no matter what he shouldn't have been aggressive or nasty.

Gingerwhinger1 · 03/05/2021 14:18

i think it’s a fair assumption to make. Knocking on a guy’s windscreen and saying “MOVE, now!” may well risk an altercation. Women in general are more complaisant. I can’t see it happening.

He may well have thought that, but I’ve known men that are equally aggressive to other men.
You were holding up the queue and he’s rightly told you to move on.

Original poster

Lucidas · 03/05/2021 14:18

@Gingerwhinger1

She wasn’t holding people up That is exactly what she was doing and it is utterly thoughtless and inconsiderate. And i would question the ‘less than a minute’ if the bloke has managed to get suitably irritated, out of his car and over to hers in that time frame.

But what was he doing sitting in his car for more than a minute, with a queue waiting, instead of heading out? Isn’t he adding to the problem?

Anyway, I’ll let it go. No I won’t do the same next time because I hate being shouted at by strangers. Will have to find an alternative.

OP posts:

Pricklykaktus · 03/05/2021 14:25

People always want to get in and and out as quick as possible, I’d have been annoyed to see someone not moving away as soon as they were finished. Sorry this man made you feel uncomfortable but it would have been better for you to move away first before sorting out your directions.

BadLad · 03/05/2021 14:25

It’s just a different opinion from yours though. Which are always healthy for discussion. I absolutely believe that men are ruder to women than men, and often treat men with more respect.

It's a stupid opinion. Lots of men do kick off with other man, and there's no way of knowing whether this man is one such man or not. Talking such nonsense out of your arse isn't actually healthy for discussion.

Freddiefox · 03/05/2021 14:30

@BadLad

It’s just a different opinion from yours though. Which are always healthy for discussion. I absolutely believe that men are ruder to women than men, and often treat men with more respect.

unlikelytobe · 03/05/2021 14:32

Women in general are more complaisant.

Do you mean compliant? You may have a point and I think it's more to do with being a woman than you being identifiable as a Muslim but most of all it's to do with you taking your own sweet time about things in a queueing situation. Get your SatNav sorted out as PP informed you or pull in somewhere but get out of the way and then bolshy people won't have a go at you.

He was a bit rude and you were a bit hapless and thoughtless!

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 03/05/2021 14:33

If men didn't shout at other men in cars, there'd be a lot less road rage. So yy it's stupid to pretend anyone knows if he would have shouted at a man or not.

The man was rude to shout but you were rude to block access. Lots of tips run short appointment systems and if you're not in on time, you miss your slot. Currently it's over a week to get a slot near us. Obviously it sounds like your tip doesn't run an appointment system but since others do, people expect users to be considerate and be as quick as possible.

SeaTurtles92 · 03/05/2021 14:34

He was rude but so were you.

eurochick · 03/05/2021 14:34

He was rude; you were inconsiderate.

LaBellina · 03/05/2021 14:35

Another shiny example of male entitlement.
He wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move but the way he did it just screams male entitlement. If this ever happens again tell them to fuck off because their agressive attitude can not hide that they’re very likely behaving this way as a compensation for the lack of having something else (whilst smiling and waving your little finger).

SeaTurtles92 · 03/05/2021 14:37

@LaBellina

Another shiny example of male entitlement. He wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move but the way he did it just screams male entitlement. If this ever happens again tell them to fuck off because their agressive attitude can not hide that they’re very likely behaving this way as a compensation for the lack of having something else (whilst smiling and waving your little finger).

So does that make OP having female entitlement? She was inconsiderate also. What's that then?

WorkplaceLlama · 03/05/2021 14:39

Well not only was he being rude, but HE was also delaying the queue by banging on your window instead of just leaving.

CervixHaver · 03/05/2021 14:41

@Lucidas So any time anyone is rude to, or critical of you, you immediately brand them 'Racist' because you're a Hijab wearing Muslim?

Right, ok.

LaBellina · 03/05/2021 14:41

I don’t think being clumsy in where you park is comparable to trying to intimidate a woman by behaving like a male bully @SeaTurtles92. I very much doubt he would done this if the OP had been a big guy with huge shoulders and tattoos in his neck.

Padton · 03/05/2021 14:42

Do you really think it’s ok to stop in the unloading area and start programming your SATNAV? It’s a bit entitled, don’t you think?

funinthesun19 · 03/05/2021 14:43

Yanbu. Sometimes I despair at people’s raging need to confront people and have a go at them.

ButtonMoony · 03/05/2021 14:43

@LaBellina

Another shiny example of male entitlement. He wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move but the way he did it just screams male entitlement. If this ever happens again tell them to fuck off because their agressive attitude can not hide that they’re very likely behaving this way as a compensation for the lack of having something else (whilst smiling and waving your little finger).

You can't be serious.

Chances are he would have told anyone to move.

I would have. I don't care if they were male, female, black, white or a unicorn. If they were inconsiderate and holding others up I would have gone over and told them to shift - as would lots of other people.

Making out this is a male female or religion thing ludicrous. Its a human being telling another inconsiderate human being to shift out of peoples way. Thats all.

Coldwine75 · 03/05/2021 14:44

I agree with him, you were holding others up, just set the sat nav in the q??

Neonprint · 03/05/2021 14:45

@araiwa

Don't be a selfish CF if you don't want to be told off

It takes 30 seconds to put directions in your phone. Hardly a selfish cf.

People here are unbelievable. How do you manage in the real world with minor inconveniences. Ffs

LordEmsworth · 03/05/2021 14:47

Well, I am so glad we've realised that there is definitely no such thing as sexism, racism, Islamophobia or bullying. That's a big weight off my mind. Thanks to everyone who's pointed out that these cannot have been a factor here because they don't exist.

It's good to know that wherever I go and whatever I do, a white man will pop up and tell me off for looking after myself and not prioritising other people instead. He was an extremely generous, selfless and brave person to be watching out for the people in the queue behind, and to be willing to get involved by sticking his beak in and shouting at someone he deems to be acting inappropriately. How can we arrange to get him the OBE he so clearly deserves?

Rillington · 03/05/2021 14:49

You were very rude to hold up other people who were queuing. You could have set it up when you were queuing to get in yourself. You would have already been at your destination. Not everything is about your race sometimes it's just because you are selfish.

Chitaufree · 03/05/2021 14:51

Yabu

Boxtroll · 03/05/2021 14:51

Yanbu. I never set off driving before I have the satnav set up (if I don't know where I'm going).

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