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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude?

260 replies

Lucidas · 03/05/2021 11:46

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

OP posts:
Alternista · 03/05/2021 12:52

As an aside, my sat nav has these options:

  1. Pre-save “home” as a rapid select option
  2. Set a route as circular, so it would automatically take you home after your mid-point
  3. Set an itinerary at the start of the first journey with several destinations listed.

Obviously no help today but worth checking yours- might help you in future?!

Original poster
Lucidas · 03/05/2021 12:53

@Alternista

As an aside, my sat nav has these options:
  1. Pre-save “home” as a rapid select option
  2. Set a route as circular, so it would automatically take you home after your mid-point
  3. Set an itinerary at the start of the first journey with several destinations listed.

Obviously no help today but worth checking yours- might help you in future?!

Thank you Grin Will look into this.
OP posts:
Original poster
Lucidas · 03/05/2021 12:55

@Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout

You should have sorted your sat nav whilst queuing to get in. The majority of MN think YABU for sitting there and that it has nothing to do with what you look like.
I accept that MN think I was BU. Hence why I started this thread. But I’m more surprised that people don’t know the following:

When the engine is running and you are in control of the car, it is illegal to touch your phone.

The laws really are very strict about this now and you can’t just set your satnav in a moving queue.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 03/05/2021 12:58

I’m really surprised by the voting here. It’s not ok to rap on strangers windows and get cross with them unless you are actually being paid to police the queue. At worst your behaviour was mildly irritating. His was dreadful.

Carolduckingbaskin · 03/05/2021 13:00

He was OTT but is is Bloody annoying when someone in a queue situation starts faffing. Same at petrol stations.

woodhill · 03/05/2021 13:01

Yes he was rude, I understand you felt you needed to know where you were going but could you not have moved to somewhere else to do this

I have been irritated when I have been sat at a petrol station and waiting for person in front to move so I can fill up and they have been taking a phone call before paying for their petrol but I would only mutter to myself

Viviennemary · 03/05/2021 13:02

You were rude. You needed to move on immediately you had dumped your rubbish.

MoreOnlyMore · 03/05/2021 13:03

He was very rude but you were being annoying and ignorant.

You can make as many excuses as you like but you are wrong for sitting there for even minute.

Looubylou · 03/05/2021 13:06

You weren't very thoughtful, but he was rude. We'll never know if he is sexist or racist - some people are rude and aggressive to everyone they meet. It's not nice to be on the receiving end, what ever the reason's behind the behaviour may be. Having to drive away with your heart racing isn't great. 💐

WallpaperLady · 03/05/2021 13:07

@AlmostSummer21

YABU you were disorganised & inconveniencing others

He wasn't rude to ask you to move

& YABU to link it to being Muslim & wearing a hijab which he probably couldn't even see before he reached your car.

I don't think OP is being unreasonable to suggest the Islamic attire made this man more aggressive. My friend is always targeted and I've actually been with her when one incident happened. It isn't wrong to assume Muslim women are not targeted because they are Muslim, the same way anti-semitic attacks happen. Aggressive men DO see Muslim women as oppressed and find them an easy target.

I've seen it first hand so don't dismiss the OPs concerns on whether that could have been a motive because you were not there to witness it (and I'm guessing you probably haven't ever witnessed it with a close friend/family member). My guess is OP has had similar experiences or know of someone else who has so no need to be rude. The only AIBU is your response!!!!

RedAzalea · 03/05/2021 13:08

you are being difficult and defensive here now as well....you've learnt your lesson, maybe move on from it now

pollylocketpickedapocket · 03/05/2021 13:08

@Laiste

He was rude but you were being annoying.
This!!!!!
SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/05/2021 13:08

I was about to do something similar last time in a skip. Waited over half an hour to get in, then saw a guy to go back to the car, close the door so we moved towards that space and... Fucking nothing.
Meanwhile two cars from spaces behind us at that point finishef but we couldn't back in there. He started driving just the second I started to take off my seatbelt.
Honestly. It's busy. Get a move on fgs whatever your genitals or dress attire is.

Charm23 · 03/05/2021 13:09

Nosey twat. He needs to mind his own business. No idea why he thought he had the right to tell you to move if he didn't even work there.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 03/05/2021 13:09

i believe he had seen the hijab already

HugeAckmansWife · 03/05/2021 13:10

Bloody hell. I really don't want to live in a world where everyone is MASSIVELY put out by a minute's delay that wasn't an absolute life and death emergency. In this instance, which is the only relevant one, te queue wasnt long, 5 mins. The op could just as easily taken up more time empty g her boot slightly more slowly or having lots of different types of rubbish. Regardless, can everyone not just chill out just a tiny bit and stop calling the op rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate etc because she took 60 secs longer than she absolutely could have done. And I don't think for 1 second that man would have spoken to another man like that either.

Footloosefancyfree · 03/05/2021 13:11

You were rude I don't know why you would reference what you were wearing tbh it wasn't racial abuse he wouldn't have seen your appearance before he approached the car. You were simply holding the queue up and should have set off and allowed people to move up.

FortunesFave · 03/05/2021 13:12

This is like the people who use the cashpoint, take their money out and then stand there for a further 5 minutes putting their purse/wallet away and double checking everything. SO rude!

AbsolutelyPatsy · 03/05/2021 13:12

no putting your money away at the cashpoint is NOT rude, jeesus.

picturesandpickles · 03/05/2021 13:13

  1. He was definitely rude
  2. I expect your wearing a hijab does mean you get more hassle overall, hard to say whether it impacted this incident
  3. I would have been annoyed with you that you were faffing on your phone too - but I wouldn't have said anything

If I was in your position, I would have left the recycling centre and stopped at the nearest safe place to set the satnav rather than block the queue there. It was the equivalent of people who faff about with all their bags and purse etc at the checkout - not the end of the world but annoying.

Hope your day gets better, let it go now Flowers

OrchidLass · 03/05/2021 13:14

But if you didn't know how to get back presumably you must have set your sat nav to get there in the first place. Why not just reverse the journey? Why would it take even a minute to either do that or just to type in your own post code?

He was rude, but so were you for sitting there keeping everyone else waiting.

NoProblem123 · 03/05/2021 13:14

The cheeky oaf.

If you were a man it wouldn’t have happened.

gamerchick · 03/05/2021 13:15

The tip is a pain in the arse atm, a minute is a long time when you've been waiting for that sodden queue to go down. You should have done it before hand or moved out the way.

Confusedandshaken · 03/05/2021 13:16

I think you were both very rude. So swings and roundabouts.

rwalker · 03/05/2021 13:17

You were rude and in the wrong the guy's managing a que everyones waiting and your pissing about on your phone .
Rather than pull round the corner you make the entire que wait for you RUDE