To think this man was rude?

[Lucidas]

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

Omg it took this long to mention the....
Pandemic!

I don't really see the relevance if what happens at everyone else's tip. At the OPs it was a 5 minute queue, not thirty and not planning ahead and preprogramming the satnav for the round trip while probably thinking about going to an unfamiliar place is hardly on a par with an invasion of your space and an aggressive tone. It's just not necessary. It rarely is, but as evidenced on here, lots of people seem quite happy to 'have a word' with someone who dares to exist near their own life. All this 'be kind' stuff really is utter bollocks isn't it. A person needed 1-2 mins whatever it was to get directions, not put make up on, or generally faff. The op is new to the area. She doesn't know where the next nearest place to stop is. My tip happens to turn out onto a dual carriageway. I'd go pretty far wrong pretty much straightaway if I got on that not knowing where I was going. Are we really all so fucking uptight now that it's justified for someone to be aggressive and intimidating over such a minor lapse in perfect public space etiquette?

@Beebopawhop

Wow sorry you had someone shouting at you at quite close range during a pandemic (yes we are still in a pandemic). That would have been more my issue but also you were there less than a minute and yes maybe he thought let me shout at this woman for being on her phone why didn't he just start going instead of holding up his side of the queue? Instead he wasted the time of the person behind him lol what a dick

The OP said she opened her window very slightly. He was outside - might have been wearing a mask for all we know. I very much doubt that covid was much of an issue in these circumstances ...

You were being rude, you don't just sit and block people's exit. You should have some manners.

You were holding up the queue. You would’ve annoyed me, I don’t care if you’re wearing a hijab or a pineapple on your head, just move along

Exactly - why even mention what you were wearing?

@HugeAckmansWife exactly ...
Yes pandemic pandemic pandemic

@Lucidas glad you are letting it go it's not like you will go back and encounter him again anytime soon? But I hope you are ok because whatever happened it's making you think wtf happened. You took less than 60 seconds to look up destination he clearly was sitting there longer than that and then came up to you Thus wasting more time so yeah I hear you that he was adding to the problem (hoping people would actually read the thread and your replies)

@Loopylobes
It was suggested by one of the PP that OP should respond this way.

awa have you even read the op? She was not blocking an exit. She continued to occupy a space fractionally longer than she absolutely HAD to which is apparently a hanging offence and deserving of being yelled at by a grown adult.

I don’t think anyone thinks it’s a hanging offence or that the man wasn’t in the wrong ... but it’s definitely worth pointing out that OP was being annoying and putting her own needs before others.That is all. If everyone hung around for an extra minute, wouldn’t that be annoying? Let’s face it- if you were in the queue and knew everyone was sitting there sorting their Satnav, it would be annoying yes? There’s a lesson in here for OP that is all. I doubt very much we will ever hear from the rude man but hey if he’s here - you were bang out of order to shout at anyone, whatever gender, religion or skin colour. Next time park up elsewhere to sort yourself out, I’m sure you could have driven for one or two minutes without getting insanely lost. And the point of not being allowed to do anything with engine running - lol, so there was no queue at all and you don’t have home saved in favourites? It’s getting a little bit silly with the point scoring imo. I’d rather just accept the results of the AIBU and read the numerous comments saying you were both in the wrong, but he shouldn’t have shouted at you.

He was rude though! You can tell people off politely.
The OP being inconsiderate doesn't meant that he wasn't unduly rude.
Not sure whether hijab played a part tho OP , probably the fact that you were a woman

That would piss me off tbf, it's hardly the crime of the century, but he probably thought you was texting/on facebook etc.

For future, if you have an iPhone, you can say "hey siri take me home" (even in an older car without Apple carplay) and your phone will direct you home using the sat nav feature.

Other phones have a similar feature but I'm not sure how you work them (DH will know!)

Next time park up elsewhere to sort yourself out

From my local recycling centre to my home there are no suitable places to pull into. There is a garden centre but there are barriers and you collect a ticket for parking when you enter. My only option would be to stop at the side of a road with my hazards on and other drivers would have to go onto the other side of the road to pass me - which would inconvenience people a lot more than typing in your postcode at the recycling centre. Lots of people do this after they’ve filled up with petrol you wouldn’t expect them to drive on, find somewhere else to stop and then type it in when it literally takes a few seconds.

actually the OP has been called all sorts on here - it clearly IS a hanging offence according to many to act in such a way that you might fractionally impact on someone else for a matter of moments. I made the mistake of going to a retail park today - it was absolutely rammed and traffic was gridlocked. You could see people all around gesticulating and clearly getting wound up because OTHER PEOPLE had dared to do exactly the same as them and come out on a pissing wet day to one of the few places open. We are so massively intolerant of other people now I'm not surprised that so many of the posters on MN claim to have anxiety and depression - if you make the slightest error or dare to put your own needs before joe anybody you are inconsiderate, rude, annoying, irritating, ignorant, entitled - all things the OP has been called.

it clearly IS a hanging offence according to many

I absolutely disagree.

Chinese water torture would be more appropriate punishment imo

He should have asked you nicely but you shouldn’t have held up the queue.

You were very unreasonable to take your time in the offloading space especially knowing there was a queue,I don't believe there was nowhere else you could have safely set your day nav.
You are also unreasonable to use your attire to gain sympathy,his issue was with your car being sat there not with what you were wearing.

@accentdusoleil

Were you fasting while this happened ?

If you wear the hijab, you will understand the need for Patience and forgiveness during this month of Ramadan.

I don't know if this is a genuine post, but If someone is fasting for religious reasons and that means we should all forgive them being a bit below par in terms of patience or performance.amce - then they shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car

if you make the slightest error or dare to put your own needs before joe anybody you are inconsiderate, rude, annoying, irritating, ignorant, entitled - all things the OP has been called.

The thing is, though, that it wasn't a need. OP could perfectly easily have left the area and set her satnav somewhere else.

Jeez I feel like I live in a parallel universe on this site sometimes.

I go to our local tip quite a bit. I see people flatten their cardboard at the tip, instead of before they get there. People dusting off the car after emptying it when they could do that at home. People sorting their plastic bottles from glass bottles standing by the car. People stopping to talk to each other for 30 seconds, or chat to the people who work there. People taking routes between bins which are not the most direct. Somebody had the audacity to browse in the freecycle section recently. People spending 3 seconds turning their radios on before they drive off. I had the cheek to spend 45 seconds giving the guys who work at my tip some chocolates to say thanks for Christmas, I know i should be ashamed.

Almost nobody spends the absolute minimum time needed at a tip. Going to the tip involves queuing and waiting around. If people don’t have a spare 60 seconds to enable somebody to sort their directions home without getting into a rage, they shouldn’t be going to the tip.

And I don’t believe for a single second that all the people with their faux outrage on here have never had to rummage for their advantage card when paying in Boots, chatted to the cashier as they put their purse away in a supermarket, spoken to the doctor for 30 seconds at the end of an appointment when there are people in the waiting room, had a quick swig of their drink before leaving a full car park, slowed to look in a shop window so the people walking behind them have to slow down too etc etc. People do these things all day, everyday. It’s often a bit irritating. But it doesn’t give anybody the right to aggressively shout at them.

And to all those people suggesting that it’s crazy to propose that an angry white man might not be quite as aggressive to a man as a woman, or to a non-Muslim than a Muslim: seriously?! Yes of course he might have been just a big an arse to a big, white man, but it is less likely. Would be good to know if he spent his time also calling out any other time wasters at the tip, of which there will absolutely have been others - or just the OP.

And yes he knew what she looked like because they were side by side as they emptied their cars. And no she wasn’t blocking the exit to the tip for anyone, in fact his behaviour slowed both of them down and wasted more time for those in the queue than her putting her directions in!

Hope you are ok OP. Stuff like this is horrible.

@toocold54

Next time park up elsewhere to sort yourself out

From my local recycling centre to my home there are no suitable places to pull into. There is a garden centre but there are barriers and you collect a ticket for parking when you enter. My only option would be to stop at the side of a road with my hazards on and other drivers would have to go onto the other side of the road to pass me - which would inconvenience people a lot more than typing in your postcode at the recycling centre. Lots of people do this after they’ve filled up with petrol you wouldn’t expect them to drive on, find somewhere else to stop and then type it in when it literally takes a few seconds.

If that's really true and there are absolutely no side roads or anything similar you could turn into, it sounds like a very straightforward journey for which you wouldn't need a satnav anyway.

If I need to set my satnav after getting petrol and there are people queuing for the pumps, I 100% drive off somewhere else to do it. There's usually space somewhere on a garage forecourt or nearby.

That would have been more my issue but also you were there less than a minute

That's highly unlikely, given that there was time for the man to wait, get annoyed, decide to leave his car to have a word, and to do so. And, of course, for all he (and we) knew OP could have been there for much longer if he hadn't said anything.

shamoo bloody well said

I posted similar sentiments earlier on in the thread (but not as eloquently as you)

So nice when someone sane comes along to a thread like this -

And to all those people suggesting that it’s crazy to propose that an angry white man might not be quite as aggressive to a man as a woman, or to a non-Muslim than a Muslim: seriously?! Yes of course he might have been just a big an arse to a big, white man, but it is less likely. Would be good to know if he spent his time also calling out any other time wasters at the tip, of which there will absolutely have been others - or just the OP

Absolutely!

Oh dear. To suggest there is no evidence of how the man might have behaved to a man or someone not in religious dress makes a poster "not sane"?