To be so sick of hearing about my baby's sex?
AnUnoriginalUsername · 02/05/2021 07:20
Baby is due imminently, I'm very uncomfortable and tired, but I'm also so excited to meet this baby I've been growing for all these months, I already feel like I love them so much and they're perfect, which is probably affecting my judgement on this.
We didn't find out the sex because we don't bloody care, it won't affect the way we raise our kid, it doesn't change who we want them to be, it doesn't change the clothes and toys we buy.
Apparently it does change whether in laws want anything to do with them though. They want a boy. I've been told this approximately a thousand times. Because you can teach boys to play football. It's mainly because DN doesn't want a girl, so instead of telling him tough or that it's not his baby or whatever you tell a preteen sulking over the sex of their aunt and uncles baby. They're encouraging it. MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."
Now I feel like I don't want a girl or a boy! Because a girl will be treated as not good enough, and a boy will be spoilt and pushed to "boyish" things.
So there's my rant, stop complaining about my baby's genitals before they're born.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
eatsleepread · 02/05/2021 07:28
As a mother of 3 girls, I can tell you that I'd quite like to slap her!
I feel really bad for you, OP. They sound just awful. Where is your husband/partner in all of this? Can he stand up to them? You sound incredibly strong, but sometimes a bloke just has to protect his wife and child.
I wish you the best with the remainder of your pregnancy and beautiful new baby
Unanananana · 02/05/2021 07:29
You MIL sounds like a twat. Your DN sounds like a spoilt, indulged brat. Anyone that suggested drowning my baby would never see said baby and would be told why, loudly and repeatedly.
What does your DP say? He should be dealing with his nasty baggage of a mother, not you.
CrazyHorse · 02/05/2021 07:37
I was also going to say it's a vile thing to say. Absolutely awful to say this to a heavily pregnant, or any pregnant woman. I am so, so for you.
I hope you're OK
I would think very carefully how I played it after the birth with the in-laws. I would definitely restrict access and tell them why.
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 02/05/2021 07:37
MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."
WTAF!!! This would really, really upset me. I don't care if she's joking, some things you do not joke about.
I'd be giving them a very wide berth after this. What kind of misogynistic gender stereotype bullshit is this, wanting you(are you just a vessel to them OP there to deliver their precious penis cargo or are you human?) to give them a boy so their grandson can play football with him? If your DN is a preteen now I guarantee by the time your baby can play football he will be a teenager and won't be interested in the child at all.
I'd even go as far (if your OH is up for this) as cutting them out. They sound toxic AF and they will let this gender nonsense haunt your child for its whole life. I remember having to tell exFIL to STFU when he constantly laughed at my then 2yo DS for having a doll and a pram.
Re the football - my DD is 8 and is the best player in her school's (mixed and only) team. She absolutely runs rings round all the boys, some of whom are 3 years older than her, and scores at least twice as many goals than them every practice and game, her PE teacher says she has serious potential. But because patriarchy, this has pissed many a boy off and ive already made a complaint about the boys calling her names and kicking footballs at her face for having them audacity to be female and better than them. I imagine these boys are raised by morons like your ILs.
AnUnoriginalUsername · 02/05/2021 07:41
They're usually alright. It's been a tough few months and they've been really hard work. We're both feeling pretty tired and disconnected from it all. They just seem to be becoming more and more difficult to be around. But then maybe I'm just becoming less tolerant.
Neither of us said anything, which is so unlike me, because it was a conversation we were listening to, and it was just so wierd I couldn't really register a response. What do you even say to that?! No you can't drown my baby...
DH and I spoke about the whole gender thing later on and he completely agrees but like me, doesn't really know how to tackle it. We both agree how we want to parent and its not compatible with how his family want to behave. It's just going to be constant battles, fighting stereotypes constantly, fighting the favouritism.
HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 02/05/2021 07:45
Get a few stock phrases and lines you can use. No one could predict the drowning line so unless you want to raise it afterwards, leave it. But if you know they'll come out with sexist BS then start to challenge it now.
One of my phrases is 'oh yes having a penis means they are totally incapable of XXX'.
MarcelinesMa · 02/05/2021 07:48
It would be a cold day in hell before that lot even clapped eyes on my baby. Even as a ‘joke’ “if it’s a girl we’ll have to drown it” makes me feel sick to my stomach. And I assume it’s a joke anyway.
Try not to let these utter cunts ruin this time for you. Congratulations on your soon to arrive baby.
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