To be so sick of hearing about my baby's sex?

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

Baby is due imminently, I'm very uncomfortable and tired, but I'm also so excited to meet this baby I've been growing for all these months, I already feel like I love them so much and they're perfect, which is probably affecting my judgement on this.

We didn't find out the sex because we don't bloody care, it won't affect the way we raise our kid, it doesn't change who we want them to be, it doesn't change the clothes and toys we buy.

Apparently it does change whether in laws want anything to do with them though. They want a boy. I've been told this approximately a thousand times. Because you can teach boys to play football. It's mainly because DN doesn't want a girl, so instead of telling him tough or that it's not his baby or whatever you tell a preteen sulking over the sex of their aunt and uncles baby. They're encouraging it. MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."

Now I feel like I don't want a girl or a boy! Because a girl will be treated as not good enough, and a boy will be spoilt and pushed to "boyish" things.

So there's my rant, stop complaining about my baby's genitals before they're born.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I wouldn’t let this go. This is your opportunity to lay down the law.

[tara66]

Are they from a country where the culture is really only in favour of boys - which partly stems for things like having to provide dowries for girls, which some poorer people could not afford - so they did not want girls?

[Maggiesfarm]

You need to have a good conversation with your in laws. Seriously! I'm sure they don't mean what they say, they think it is lighthearted, but if they knew how it is making you feel, they'd stop.

Girls play football!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, you will have a gorgeous girl or boy who is much loved. Nothing else matters.

[Enko]

MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then.

[ThatIsMyPotato]

@KaleSlayer

If you have a girl I would be reluctant to let her anywhere near them.

People like this will do just as much damage to a boy.

That's true. Maybe start reducing contact now.

[steppemum]

please don't blame this on a generational thing.

My parents are 80, they would never ever have said anything like this.
My grandfather was born in 1899, and while he may have had a slightly more traditional view of girls and boys, he highly respected the women in his life and did a great job bringing up his 2 daughters.

I do get tired of people blaming vileness on being old. Vile people have existed through history. It is not her age that makes her vile.

[squiglet111]

Op, I feel you should be dealing with this now rather than later. I think you need to make it clear that statements like drowning the baby are unacceptable and out of order. You need to tell them that they will not see your child if they continue to have these views towards their own grandchild. I actually feel sad for your child if it's a girl having to be born to such nasty grandparents

[CutieBear]

Your DH needs to grow some balls and defend his unborn DC. He needs to tell them that he will love this DC, no matter their sex and if his parents won’t then they will NOT see their GC.

They mentioned drowning your baby. I would cut contact and prevent DC from ever visiting their paternal grandparents.

[greeneyedlulu]

God Lord, I hope you have a girl and tell your bitch MIL that she can't be trusted around your daughter so she can fuck right off!!

Good luck with the birth and tell your DP to keep his mother away as you don't want her around.

[Enko]

MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then.


Sorry on phone so posted to quick.

Anyone saying that to me would have swiftly been informed it was not OK and DN would have been told to grow up and deal with it.

My inlaws had a preference for a girl as they already had 4 gransons. However even if they said so they also made it clear of it was a boy he would be welcomed and loved unconditionally. Dd1 and dd2 followed to much joy by inlaws and when ds arrived he was greeted with equal joy and they were doting loving grandparents. That is what I would expect in a normal situation.

What did you say to that comment? I would have been so upset

[starrynight21]

There is a massive generation gap between us and their views are so out of date from mine

No, this isn't right. I'm from a previous generation from you, and their disgusting views have never been acceptable in any generation . Stop making excuses for them. If I were you I'd go NC now.

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

@NutellaEllaElla
I think it's a mix, there is deep misogyny in their family, it's wierd. Like they were once having a conversation slagging off single mothers. It got pretty heated when I explained that single mothers exist because of the men who have children with women then refuse to look after them.

MIL also has only boys herself so I think they feel wierd about a girl baby.

But primarily, DN doesn't want a girl, so this baby has to be a boy because DN says so.

[RainingBatsAndFrogs]

Time to state you case, clearly, calmly, directly.

Tell them all children are of equal value, all loved, all welcomed to become whoever they become. And you do not want to listen to any more of this as it is spoiling the enjoyment of sharing your anticipation of a baby with them. So they need to stop the conversation now.

And stick to it.

Any repeat: get up and leave.

I would have walked out at the ‘drowning’ comment or asked her to leave.

Your DH needs to be assertive with them.

They say what they like regardless of your feelings, how come you don’t get to say what you feel and what you want??

Being a parent and protecting your child means holding your boundaries.

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

There is a massive generation gap between us and their views are so out of date from mine

My mum is 74 and she would never talk about drowning a baby.

Please don't be ageist.

She is a twat. Regardless of age. Some people are just twats. Age has fuck all to do with it.

[StillMedusa]

There is only one thing anyone should say when a baby is born..and that is 'Congratulations!'
I'm a brand new Granny ..in my 50s. My Mum is in her 70s and the sex of the baby was unknown to us or to my DD and her dh. No-one cared remotely what sex the baby would be.. we all just wanted a safe delivery and a well baby. ( As it happened it was a tricky delivery and special care for a week but all is well now and baby is just fabulous.)
Your MIL is beyond dreadful...and does not deserve to have any relationship with your baby unless she can really apologise and absolutely change her tune.

I had two girls and two boys..oddly enough they all like different things, were brought up the same way and their personalities have nothing to do with their biological sex!

I'd be tempted to have a massive massive go at them and stop this right now.

[Mrsdarwin]

I’m so sorry you are having to put up with this. I’m impressed you haven’t exploded to be honest, but like you said it’s so odd that I guess you have the “did that actually just happen” moment.

I would reduce some contact, hope that they come round once baby is here if they are a girl.

I can’t believe someone would actually joke about drowning a baby that makes me feel physically sick.

I definitely wouldn’t be leaving them alone any time soon with baby.

Good luck for your upcoming arrival, you sound like you are going to be an amazing mum! 🥰

[Todaytomorrowyesterday]

With my second pregnancy we didn’t find out - we already had a daughter and honestly didn’t care whether the baby was a girl or boy.
My MIL made it very obvious that she wanted it to be a boy and a lot of people said oh bet your hoping for a boy - nope after struggling to get pregnant spending 9 months throwing up and suffering a heavy scary bleed early on in the pregnancy I was happy just to hold our baby!
When our baby was born we choose not to tell them until they visited the baby - my MIL meet our daughter and never mentioned any disappointment about it not being a grandson.
It’s sad that your mil puts such hopes on the baby being a boy.
You can’t pre-order a boy who loves football or other stupid defined gender type ideas people seem to perceive. My sisters son loves his computer games and hates football - his football loving Dad loves my nephew regardless.

[Tavelo]

Yes because boys are always born with an innate love for a game that has only existed for a few hundred years :/
Imagine if we valued people of either sex regardless of their interests, lol jk people are morons.
Tell your preteen nephew that whether the baby is boy or a girl, when they're your age they'll be too interested in their school friends to play with you and anyway you'll be out having to earn a living.

[ElphabaTWitch]

I honestly don’t understand this fascination with knowing the babies sex. I really don’t. It’s like the very last surprise on earth. You dint know until baby arrives. It adds to the enjoyment of the pregnancy I think. I didn’t care either way, and never wanted to know. I just dint understand why pregnant women dint want to wait to see who they are being blessed with to join the family! I know some cultures/ religions dint appreciate one sex over the other etc, but it’s like the only genuine surprise left on earth. And we’re such a high demanding we want it now society that we’re even ruining that. And to think that your extended family have any day over it is fucking Bonkers. Tell your nephew he clearly doesn’t deserve to be in babies life anyway. And your aunt is a sweetheart isn’t she?! I think you’re absolutely right not to want to know. Your baby. Your decision. Your family can naff off.

[Roselilly36]

This post didn’t need votes, no one in their right mind could consider you unreasonable, in these circumstances OP

What a spiteful comment to make, even as a joke, the baby you are carrying is her grandchild for goodness sake. Remind her that her son has decided the sex.

I have two DS’s and wouldn’t dream of making such an awful comment, I will just be over the moon to be a grandmother one day, regardless of the sex of their babies, and I would be devastated to upset their partners with such a hurtful comment.

Good luck OP, I hope that when your baby arrives he or she is loved and cherished by all family members as it deserves to be.

[GreatestSh0wUnicorn]

If it’s a girl please buy her full football, rugby outfits if it’s a boy refuse!! Just to see the look on their faces. My DD who is 10 loves football.

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

You're right. The generation thing is an excuse.

They're English, no culture issues.

We will be reducing contact, and they won't ever be alone with our baby, I don't trust them to keep a baby or child safe. But I also don't want them saying things unchecked.

I will be constantly correcting things they say, the sexism comes with all the "ism"s that I'll have to teach our child isn't correct. It's going to be exhausting.

[OverTheRainbow88]

I’m usually an advocate for working on relationships; especially with in laws: but I wouldn’t let this slide. I wouldn’t want them
Around my child.

[Nith]

What would happen if you pointed out that girls can play football, and that not all boys want to play football?

[StartupRepair]

My precious daughter is not a newborn. She is 19. And I gasped in shock when I read that drowning comment. This is not someone you want near your baby.