To be so sick of hearing about my baby's sex?

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

Baby is due imminently, I'm very uncomfortable and tired, but I'm also so excited to meet this baby I've been growing for all these months, I already feel like I love them so much and they're perfect, which is probably affecting my judgement on this.

We didn't find out the sex because we don't bloody care, it won't affect the way we raise our kid, it doesn't change who we want them to be, it doesn't change the clothes and toys we buy.

Apparently it does change whether in laws want anything to do with them though. They want a boy. I've been told this approximately a thousand times. Because you can teach boys to play football. It's mainly because DN doesn't want a girl, so instead of telling him tough or that it's not his baby or whatever you tell a preteen sulking over the sex of their aunt and uncles baby. They're encouraging it. MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."

Now I feel like I don't want a girl or a boy! Because a girl will be treated as not good enough, and a boy will be spoilt and pushed to "boyish" things.

So there's my rant, stop complaining about my baby's genitals before they're born.

[SteveArnottsCodeine]

My PILs really wanted a grandson. They’re shit parents to both their son- my husband- and their daughter and other son, so this longing for a grandson never made much sense to me, especially as once they had grandchildren, albeit female ones, they were crap with them. Whenever he said anything about wanting a grandson and boys being “better” both before and after DD1 was born we told him to put a sock in it.

Anyway, we had three girls. When DD2 was born my FIL walked onto the postnatal ward and said “I worry I’ll never have a grandson now”. My DH lost his mind, took him to one side and whisperedly told him to NEVER say anything like that ever again either in front of the new baby, our older daughter who was three and could now understand shit like that or any other kids we might have, male or female. We had made noises to him about not saying these things before but only my husbands rage in the postnatal ward got through. FIL got the message that time.

As it happens he eventually got a grandson who he is equally useless a grandfather to. Clearly the whole wanting a grandson thing was about something that was more important in fantasy than reality for him.

Whatever sex your baby is, shut down this shit ASAP.

[Allwokedup]

What!? She said she would drown your baby. She would be having no contact whatsoever if it was my baby. Sorry op they are awful.

[tedsletterofthelaw]

@CervixHaver

Do you all really, seriously believe this woman was genuinely suggesting drowning this baby if they're a girl?? Realllllly???

I am NOT defending the comment. I'm sure someone will relish in implying I am, but I am not! I'm just simply gobsmacked that so many of you think she was serious! 🤯🤯🤯

I don't think anyone is under the impression that she was serious.

It's still a vile comment and testament to how she would treat a girl compared to a boy (and I don't mean she would drown her, but a boy would have very obvious preferential treatment).

I wouldn't want my children around this kind of misogynistic influence, regardless of their sex.

[diddl]

@CervixHaver

Do you all really, seriously believe this woman was genuinely suggesting drowning this baby if they're a girl?? Realllllly???

I am NOT defending the comment. I'm sure someone will relish in implying I am, but I am not! I'm just simply gobsmacked that so many of you think she was serious! 🤯🤯🤯

It's the misogyny of the comment that it so awful.

Showing a preteen boy that he is important, that his ridiculous opinion is given any weight at all.

It's all incomprehensible.

[clpsmum]

I wouldn't be letting them see the baby regardless of the sex tbh

[Aprilshowersandhail]

Tell them it's a girl and dump their arses...

[Soubriquet]

I hope you have a bonnie little girl and the in laws decide they don’t want to be involved saving you from cutting them out

Disgusting comment even if it was in “jest”

Congrats OP

[theluckiest]

@BluebellsGreenbells

How to deal.

I find most of these types don’t ‘hear’ what they say and what you need to do is repeat back what they’ve just said as a question

‘You want to drown our baby?’

Keep silent

Wait for their response because they now have to justify their answer to you and to themselves.

Practice on DH until it becomes second nature to question.

I replied to say absolutely this. Call them out on it. It's not a joke as jokes are funny. Nothing funny about what your MIL said whatsoever.

That's one of the most ignorant, nasty and offensive thing I've read on here.

Yep. Turn it into a question. People like this don't apologise for their despicable comments but hopefully, asking them to explain what they meant will make them uncomfortable.

A puzzled or blank look while you say 'Drown my baby? I don't understand. What do you mean?'

If they reply 'Oh, it's just a joke.' Again...

'It's a joke? I don't get it.'

And repeat....

[Mammajilly]

They sound absolutely horrible, they should be glad their grandchild is healthy and nearly here, not concentrating on he sex of the baby.What selfish people they are If I was you I would be keeping contact to a minimum. Best of luck xx

[LividJabber]

Are you shitting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes when something so utterly outrageous happens, you can freeze rather than explode. So I get it.

But in your shoes, I'd be stewing up a MASSIVE explosion that would have them very clear that they wouldn't be having anything to do with me or my baby.

That is so far from okay.

[LagunaBubbles]

They have the potential to seriously damage your childs emotional health as they grow up, regardless if they are a boy or a girl.

[PastMyBestBeforeDate]

If the MIL said it as a joke, she needs to work on her timing and judgement. The DN is being ridiculous and needs to be told that clearly rather than in a roundabout way.

@AnUnoriginalUsername I too caused ripples (and then a tidal wave) in a dysfunctional family. Everyone just sort of tolerated it but the introduction of our child meant DH saw it clearly and suddenly it wasn't just a case of being a dutiful son. He had bigger responsibilities. We have nothing to do with them now.

[RedcurrantPuff]

@CervixHaver

Do you all really, seriously believe this woman was genuinely suggesting drowning this baby if they're a girl?? Realllllly???

I am NOT defending the comment. I'm sure someone will relish in implying I am, but I am not! I'm just simply gobsmacked that so many of you think she was serious! 🤯🤯🤯

I don’t think anyone thinks she will drown the baby bit even so it’s a wholly unacceptable thing to say and shows her attitude towards girls. That she thinks they are lesser than boys.

[amusedbush]

First of all, it's weird that you're DN cares so much because he's so much older. It's not like he needs his cousin to be a playmate.

Secondly, I agree with everyone else that you need to step back from them. Tell your DH about the hideous drowning comment and don't accept any cries of "it was a joke!". They are awful, misogynistic people and don't deserve house room.

The football thing is ridiculous. My brother is a "blokey" guy but has zero interest in football. I went to school with two girls who played it at a high level and one got a football scholarship at a US university.

[ArabellaScott]

OP, I'm so sorry. How rubbish, especially at this time, when you need support and comforting words, not ridiculous jokes and crappy attitudes.

Enjoy your baby. You sound like you'll be fantastic parents - considerate, thoughtful, and willing to stand up for your child when needed.

[Pythonesque]

Please please please expose your baby to lots of music whatever else you do. And maybe you'll end up with choristers like I did 😁

(I've actually got one of each, and its DD who has found a sport she loves; DS will engage with physical exercise but was grateful to pretty much leave team sports behind from the age of 12.)

[Soubriquet]

I agree that even if it’s a boy there’s no guarantee he will like football

I have one of each. My dd is more rough and tumble than my ds

Ds is more sensitive

[Theweedonkeeey]

Christ! We have 2 girls and another baby on the way. We don't know the sex and not one single person has mentioned anything about wanting a boy this time because we have nice normal family and friends.

[amusedbush]

Just noticed my typo there, I was obviously rage-typing

YOUR DN, not you're...

[WilsonMilson]

After the drowning comment, I would be cutting contact with them as much as possible. Awful.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@QueenAdreena

If my MIL had said that she wouldn’t be seeing my baby, regardless of their sex.

Same here!

What a disgusting thing to say, even as a "joke".

Your beautiful baby will be better without these vile people int his/her life. And so will you.

[RainedOn]

I will put my foot down the next time it comes up but I'll be battling this for the rest of their lives. You needn't be, you can step back.

In some ways I hope you have a girl and a greater incentive to do this. No way would I be letting my daughter spend much time with these people.

[BiBabbles]

BluebellsGreenbells's tips on how to challenge it are great. Working on this with your DH through the pregnancy will help in the likely case some of these types of remarks continue after the birth if you're going to around them. I'm not sure I could, but if you do, getting into the habit of challenging is important.

YANBU to be sick of hearing about it and with struggling to reply, even growing up around these types of remarks I'm not sure I could come up with something on the spot.

I'm just simply gobsmacked that so many of you think she was serious!

Possibly, but I'd rather take it seriously and be wrong than deal with what would happen if I assume it's a joke and am wrong.

In my case, it turned out not to be a joke as my mother did try to kill me, not when I was an infant (to my knowledge), but as is too often the case, violence increased as I started to go through puberty. I'll never forgive the family members who stood by with her remarks and did nothing because 'she isn't serious'. Even before she tried, no one taking it seriously left me feeling that my life didn't really matter to them and I think it impacted how some of my other relatives treated me, including my male cousins who I think definitely got the message that I was beneath them and expendable.

[Cherrysoup]

MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."

Holy fuck, I’d have walked out at that. Totally disgusting.