To be so sick of hearing about my baby's sex?

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

Baby is due imminently, I'm very uncomfortable and tired, but I'm also so excited to meet this baby I've been growing for all these months, I already feel like I love them so much and they're perfect, which is probably affecting my judgement on this.

We didn't find out the sex because we don't bloody care, it won't affect the way we raise our kid, it doesn't change who we want them to be, it doesn't change the clothes and toys we buy.

Apparently it does change whether in laws want anything to do with them though. They want a boy. I've been told this approximately a thousand times. Because you can teach boys to play football. It's mainly because DN doesn't want a girl, so instead of telling him tough or that it's not his baby or whatever you tell a preteen sulking over the sex of their aunt and uncles baby. They're encouraging it. MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."

Now I feel like I don't want a girl or a boy! Because a girl will be treated as not good enough, and a boy will be spoilt and pushed to "boyish" things.

So there's my rant, stop complaining about my baby's genitals before they're born.

[Parker231]

A friend had similar problem with the grandparents who insisted they needed to know whether the baby was a girl or boy so they could buy the right colour clothes.
My friend told them that the baby would be wearing babygros until they could crawl and that she liked the colour peach. The grandparents shouted ‘it’s a girl!’ . My friend said we don’t know but boy or girl it will be wearing peach because I like it. Lots of shouting followed that no grandson of theirs would be wearing peach. My friend followed up with that she also liked pastel pink.

The baby is a gorgeous little boy and does wear pink and peach babygros together with blue and red ones. The grandparents now have limited contact with their grandson.

[KarensChoppyBob]

YANBU at all OP

Speaking as the mother of a wonderful 16 yr old DS who 1. Never ever showed any interest in football and 2. I still didn't force him into it .

Ignore the sheeple 🐑, I do.

[steppemum]

Well, you know what to buy DN for next Christmas, a book about the English Women;s football team.

I think I would be calling DN out on it too, so when he says it I would very firmly come back and say

1. how his comment is both insensitive and rude
   
2. how he doesn't get to choose and girl or boy, you expect him to show kindness and love to them and a member of the family
   
3. he can try and play football with them girl or boy, but not everyone likes football

[JellyNo15]

When you hold your baby for the first time you will do everything to protect them from toxic people, even grandparents. Always have your child's back and if it means no or minimal contact then the grandparents have brought it on themselves.
Gender disappointment really makes me angry. People need to grow up and be thankful for a healthy baby.

[Wishing14]

I’d say to your MIL, “don’t worry so much, just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she’ll turn out anything like you”.

[HedgePutty]

They are horrid. I have a similar situation with my DP and in-laws and am guided by him. Sometimes he asks me to go NC and other times he is angry as he starts to process how they are with him.

Huge congratulations on your baby, you sound like you’ll be amazing fair and equal parents.

Go and see them together. Tell them the drowning comment is beyond and it stops now and you’ll see them if they behave if not they can fuck off

[ThatIsMyPotato]

I didn't know how to intervene (I'm autistic, speech isn't my best skill).
I totally understand. And I think sometimes these people thrive off being as shocking as they can knowing people won't know how to respond.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[MiddlesexGirl]

To be honest, I would be having the conversation with your pils now ..... if our child is a girl and you ever make a sexist remark again you will not get to see her while she's under our responsibility.

[lazylinguist]

They sound both stupid and very unpleasant. Their views are vile, and the importance they ascribe to whether or not a child will want to play football is staggeringly pathetic. Hoping your dh doesn't have views like this underneath from his awful family!

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

What a horrible thing for your MiL to say.
I’d certainly be giving her the cold shoulder after that. And if she says, ‘It was just a joke!’ she needs telling that such ‘jokes’ are in appalling taste and in any case not remotely funny.

As for the DN, it sounds as if he needs a resounding slap, and be told to keep his brat-opinions to himself.

[MargaretThursday]

I think this would be one time where I'd be tempted to tell them that we were going for the "modern trend" of bringing them up gender neutral and not telling anyone.

[WhySoSensitive]

My in laws were the same OP. We didn’t find out with our first and she spent the entire pregnancy saying ‘I really hope it’s a boy, imagine how disappointing if it’s a girl’
We told her to stop because healthy is all that matters and when he was born she said ‘thank god, wouldn’t have been nice to hate my own grandchild’

Awkward we’re now having a girl though.
YANBU at all.

[MargosKaftan]

I think you need to realise that your DH grew up with these people so until he becomes a dad, he might find it hard to realise just how unacceptable they are.

As a start, I would say you won't see them again until the baby is here, he can go alone.

I would send PIL a message (text /email, whatever way is easier) saying that you were very upset about their comment about drowning your child if its a girl, and while they might have ment it as a joke, you think they have crossed a line. You obviously would never feel comfortable leaving them alone with a female child now, and also don't want any male child thinking girls are inferior in the way DN has been taught by the family, so will also want to supervise them around any boy born.

Set your stall out now. Whats the worse can happen, they get upset? Well you are upset and you should matter.

[thatonehasalittlecar]

Have a read about the history of women’s football, and how the FA deliberately squashed it to protect the delicate male egos. Then tell them to go suck it, because your child will be well adjusted, smart and free from the constraints that they want to impose because of old-fashioned and pathetic patriarchal BS.

Even if it was a ‘joke’, it’s from an unacceptable and harmful place. You already sound like brilliant parents, to be planning on treating your child with respect regardless of sex.

[lunar1]

They would never meet my child after a comment like this. I'd also keep a close eye on my husband's behaviour, I don't know if you can even trust him when you aren't around. I'd be terrified he'd take your child to see them, he's grown up with them and doesn't see their behaviour for what it is.

I'd be keeping a record of everything in case this turns nasty with your husband and you have to try and minimise his contact at some point or even go for supervised contact.

I hope he is able to see their behaviour for what it is.

[ddl1]

Wow. I think DN is imitating his parents more than the other way around. What does your DP think of it all?

[RedcurrantPuff]

MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then.

Wtaf?!

What did you or your partner say to that?!

No baby of mine would be going anywhere near someone who said something like that even as a “joke”.

[ddl1]

Their obsession goes beyond common-or-garden sexism to near-craziness. Why should they care that much about the sex of their nephew/niece/cousin? Either their misogyny is truly extreme; or - it's occurred to me - they are doing this deliberately to tease and upset you, like playground bullies. Either way, they sound pretty nasty.

[RedcurrantPuff]

MIL also has only boys herself so I think they feel wierd about a girl baby

And there we have it. Jealousy and resentment because she had wanted one but didn’t get one, I’ll bet.

[Pinkyavocado]

Gobsmacked!

I’ve two boys neither of whom gave the slightest interest in anything sport related, they sound absolutely awful and I wouldn’t want them around my kids.

[WildfirePonie]

OP you should go no contact with them. Block their numbers.
DH can go very low contact. Minimal replies, he doesnt reply unless it's necessary.

No need to enter any discussion or see them again.

Drop the rope.

[Knittedfairies]

Whether your baby is a girl or a boy, you need to step way back from these idiots.

[ErrolTheDragon]

What's bothered me most is that it's affected how I feel about the sex, that I'm thinking what impact our baby's sex has on how they will behave, rather than just thinking about how amazing our baby is going to be.

Try to take it as 'forewarned is forearmed'. Your child, whichever sex, will doubtless come across idiotic sexist ideas about what boys and girls should or shouldn't do. Learning at a young age that some people have very silly old fashioned ideas isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[Wakeupsunshinex]

Good god, that's absolutely awful! I'm so sorry that they're ruining this special time for you. I don't think I could forgive a comment like that, even if it was meant to be a "joke".

I have two boys who both have zero interest in football or any sports for that matter. DN may be disappointed either way and they need to get over it!

[RosesAndHellebores]

Personally I think you just say "the baby will be male or female; it's 50/50. DH and I will be over the moon regardless and we expect family to treat the baby equally and respect and love a daughter as much as they would respect a son". If any of you have a problem with that there's no need to engage.".