To be so sick of hearing about my baby's sex?

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

Baby is due imminently, I'm very uncomfortable and tired, but I'm also so excited to meet this baby I've been growing for all these months, I already feel like I love them so much and they're perfect, which is probably affecting my judgement on this.

We didn't find out the sex because we don't bloody care, it won't affect the way we raise our kid, it doesn't change who we want them to be, it doesn't change the clothes and toys we buy.

Apparently it does change whether in laws want anything to do with them though. They want a boy. I've been told this approximately a thousand times. Because you can teach boys to play football. It's mainly because DN doesn't want a girl, so instead of telling him tough or that it's not his baby or whatever you tell a preteen sulking over the sex of their aunt and uncles baby. They're encouraging it. MIL said last night "well we'll have to drown it if it's a girl then."

Now I feel like I don't want a girl or a boy! Because a girl will be treated as not good enough, and a boy will be spoilt and pushed to "boyish" things.

So there's my rant, stop complaining about my baby's genitals before they're born.

Its also bad for a boy to hear the message that girls are inferior.

It could be you are becoming less tolerant of it, but I've found becoming a parent does make you less prepared to put up with shit, manly because when it was you being put down /insulted it's something as an adult you can deal with, but ita not ok when its aimed at your child. Wanting better for your child than you will accept for yourself is perfectly normal and you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to protect your child from it.

That's horrible. I come from a patriarchal, Middle-eastern origin society who literally calls baby boys "golden penis" for fun, and even I have never heard that awful nonsense about drowning. Don't minimise or excuse their behaviour, it is unacceptable. and let them know it.

Some of the best footballers in the uk are women

My very own parents made it very clear they wanted a boy, and how very disappointed they were that I wasn’t one - said explicitly when I was born, and made clear in other ways throughout my childhood. In fact they even told me this themselves as a “funny story”. No cultural reasons. Thankfully both sets of grandparents were delighted. But I resent this deeply to this day. When my daughter was born I made a point of making it very clear to them and everyone who would listen just how ecstatic we are to have our little girl. It felt so good to give her the joyous welcome into this world than I didn’t receive, like a big wrong had been righted. I’d make sure your child/ future children, boys or girls, don’t pick up on this awful undercurrent from their grandparents. It won’t do anyone any good.

They’d not be seeing my baby until they sincerely apologised for saying they’d drown it, and if they carried on like this they wouldn’t be seeing it in the future either. Not their baby. Not their concern. Not their place.

Apologies for the late return, we went for a hopefully labour inducing walk then I had a big nap

Will try to answer everything.

It was said as a joke, I'm sure, but it wasn't sarcasm, it was in agreement with DN.

She would never be left alone with our baby though, they're not sensible people and could easily accidentally harm a baby. Things like giving hard boiled sweets to a 4mo baby is not beyond them.

I am actually worried about DN behaviour around our baby. He's not a bad kid, but emotionally he's been infantilised and obviously with what's been said to him and the way he's been encouraged to hate our baby before it's born, I wouldn't be surprised at him doing something in a tantrum. When my second niece was born my first would try to hit her and push her over, she was 2 though. This will be the first thing to ever detract attention away from him and I don't think he'll handle it well. He wasn't happy about the baby at all in the first place.

I am also aware that even if we have a boy, I will be fighting this, my son won't be raised to look down on girls, we are both in agreement that we don't want to teach our son to be a "proper boy" we don't do the whole "boys will be boys " "big boys don't cry" etc. And I will be battling just as much if our child is a girl or boy because it will be a constant fountain of sexist crap.

I'm also worried about being compared to DN, who is unsurprisingly, incredible at everything he does and I'm sure will have walked, talked, rode a bike before my child.

I won't allow a constant drip of any negativity towards my child, it is likely that even a son won't be good enough for them for the above reasons. I will give them a chance and I will shut them down, if it continues beyond our child understanding what they say, then they won't be around them, because even if I challenge every remark, they'll still hear it and it'll still hurt them. My grandma was very critical of me being not feminine enough, my mum was fiercely against her and did a great job of raising me to be comfortable in who I am, but I still remember it, and how it made me feel. So I won't allow it.

I know it's wierd how calm I feel about it, if I was reading my post I'd be mental, but it just seems very normal to have come from them. I will not allow my child to hear any of it though, but DH isn't ready to consider NC and I can hold my own and protect my child for a while and maybe they will learn to not say things like that. I'll protect my child though, please don't think I wont.

"My grandma was very critical of me being not feminine enough, my mum was fiercely against her and did a great job of raising me to be comfortable in who I am, but I still remember it, and how it made me feel. So I won't allow it."

So your Mum should have kept your GM away from you as despite what yor Mum did, there was to an extent "damage done"

MIL also has only boys herself so I think they feel wierd about a girl baby

See, my PIL have four boys and no girls. They were thrilled about our DD. So, so pleased. They always thought they'd have a daughter but didn't, so they very much enjoy having a little girl to spoil. However, if DD had been a boy, they'd have been equally thrilled. Because they're good people who were so happy about the birth of their grandchild.

If my MIL had ever, EVER said that about my unborn child, she wouldn't be seeing them. That'd be it. My red line. No.

You sound great, OP, very sensible despite your odd in-laws.

I used that same line, I'm not too interested in their genitalia, just very happy to be welcoming a child into the world. We've still a long way to go with all this nonsense.

What the fuck! Drown it? What a horrendous thing to say! What a nasty bitch your MIL is, she wouldn’t be near my kids period! And I would not be happy if my DH didn’t tear her another arsehole!