AIBU to want my house to be tidy..

[ToastAndTea00]

When I arrive home from work? It’s clean and tidy when I leave for work.

My MIL looks after DC once per week whilst I work. For context DD is 5 and DS is 2.5. DD attends school full time and I usually do the drop off. So MIL has DS all day (until 4pm)

When I arrive home my house looks like a bomb has gone off.. aibu to want it just a little tidy? I then spend my whole evening tidying up the mess that’s been left.

(Not sure if this matters but MIL is prone to sitting on phone and playing games).

You are, I'm afraid. Obviously it would be lovely if she tidied up as well but she's not your employee. You will have to use the money she's saved you to pay a cleaner.

Do you pay MIL? If so YANBU. If she is providing free childcare YABU.

She’s saving you money and annoying as it is, no I don’t think you can ask her to tidy up.

Are you paying the going childcare rates?

Jeez, with the money you’re saving on childcare on those days, pay for a cleaner! She’s not an au pair

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Unless you pay her to be a cleaner and ChildCarers. Then, no.

What have you agreed with her?
If she is being paid and tidying up is part of her duties, then yanbu.
If she is helping you out with free childcare, then yabu.

Yeah I’m sorry if I were getting free childcare and help from my family providing they are not Destroying the house and it’s just untidy I think you are being reasonable.

The kids are causing damage that’s another issue.

If you are struggling with it, get a cleaner or pay for childcare are your only options

*unreasonable

I understand how draining it is to walk into a messy house from work, but this is the situation and I think it sounds like you aren't too overjoyed either at MIL being on her phone much of the time.
She is not your employee though and is giving up her time freely, so rather than a cleaner I would look into childcare.

This is only once per week!

I don't think it's that unreasonable to be honest and I'd not want you to come home to a bomb site if I were her. Whenever I go to collect my daughter from her grandparents, I make her help tidy up (she's nearly 2). Could you ask your MIL that you're trying to get DS to learn to tidy up after himself and if she can encourage him to do that throughout the day if he's finished playing with something?

Pay for a cleaner

Well wrap around is £15 and nursery is £45.

She’s saving you £3120 a year - if tidiness is worth £3k pay for childcare and it will be immaculate when you get home. Or just tidy up later on.

Are you paying her? If not, yabu

I would expect a paid nanny to tidy up as well as look after the children but you can't really expect the same from family childcare. Could you maybe suggest to MIL that she introduce "tidy up time" with your younger one for the toys, though, as that's a good habit for children to get into anyway?

Tbf, it sounds like tidying is the main issue. That's not going to be something a cleaner can help with and scheduling them in just at the end of mil's (unpaid?) shift will be nigh on impossible.

You are incredibly fortunate to have family that helps with childcare. I would let the mess go.

For what it’s worth. No I don’t pay her, but my children were in childcare (and they go to childcare for the rest of the week) but she was insistent that she have them 1-2 days per week.. so we pulled them from childcare on those days so she could look after them.

Yabu. I’m in the same situation, every night when I get home from work my house is an absolute tip despite tidying it before I leave (1 and 3 year old) I spend a lot of evening tidying but I’m just so grateful that I have after school childcare so I can actually go to work I just shrug it off as one of those things. I actively tell her not to tidy as she does enough and they’ll just undo it anyway

And the children DO tidy up after themselves. It’s more like (and yes I can understand I might be being picky) food left on the table from breakfast and lunch.. used glasses left around, their change of clothing on the floor, shoes just dumped where they’re taken off.. I do encourage my children to clean up after themselves.. and I’m not being particular about the toys being out as that’s what they are there for, to be played with

Even with the update I think YABU, she's not there to clean your home, she's there to look after the kids. If they are well looked after then she's done all that was needed. You will have saved a fair bit from dropping even a day at nursery.

I totally know what you mean!! Its not dirty that a cleaner would help with though. My parents look after 2.5 yr old DS once a week and we have this, every single toy out, books strewn everywhere, dirty dishes left out in tgd kitchen.

However, Its the price you pay for 'free' childcare. That and all the cereal, coffee, sugar, bacon, bread, milk etc that they go through too! Yes its frustrating, but of you spend hours clearing up in the evening, how about doing it as soon as you get home? I do this while catching up with my parents about their day. We also provide dinner on those days too, always something made the night before so its only cooking pasta to go with it. Frustrating yes, but I like the relationship my parents have with my son too.

Then in chat make the suggestion of tidy up time.
I was always fine with walking into a mess if that was the case, but my dc's had been doing painting and all sorts so I was good with that ( because it meant I didn't have to get painting out!)
It's only one day a week of tidying up in the evening. Do you have particularly high standards maybe?

Yeah, you’re unreasonable- sorry.

But actually what’s worse is you’re more concerned about the tidiness issue than whether she’s spending quality time playing with/interacting with the DC, rather than being on her phone.

Why would you pull them out of childcare for someone who’s not fussed about interacting with them?