AIBU to want my house to be tidy..

[ToastAndTea00]

When I arrive home from work? It’s clean and tidy when I leave for work.

My MIL looks after DC once per week whilst I work. For context DD is 5 and DS is 2.5. DD attends school full time and I usually do the drop off. So MIL has DS all day (until 4pm)

When I arrive home my house looks like a bomb has gone off.. aibu to want it just a little tidy? I then spend my whole evening tidying up the mess that’s been left.

(Not sure if this matters but MIL is prone to sitting on phone and playing games).

@LadyOfLittleLeisure

- cleaning the smears on glass doors

What's the actual point in doing that...? I cleaned the bathroom mirror today and DD (15mo) took great delight in thoroughly resmearing it before I had finished the rest of the bathroom...

I would be mortified to be in someone’s house, eating their food and dirtying their plates and cutlery, and then leaving the mess for them to clear up!

And yes, I absolutely would be mortified even if I were looking after their kids.

I don't think YABU at all. People are stuck on the "looks after the DC" bit. You don't need her.to, you didn't ask her to. She wanted to. If I wanted to spend the day playing with my nieces I wouldn't leave my sisters house a shit tip.

Tell her you can't cope with coming home to a bombsite anymore so you're putting the kids back in childcare. She's making more work for you, she's not helping you at all.

[quote Aria999]@LadyOfLittleLeisure

- cleaning the smears on glass doors

What's the actual point in doing that...? I cleaned the bathroom mirror today and DD (15mo) took great delight in thoroughly resmearing it before I had finished the rest of the bathroom...[/quote]
@Aria999 I suppose you're right We have therapists etc in the house all the time for the DC's disabilities so I do try and make it look respectable, but it is constant. Genuinely found eldest DS licking the window other day!

Wow I'd just be overjoyed to have any family at all who can help with childcare.

Some people don't know how lucky they are.

Whikst i would teCh a child to tidy .. as i did each tea time with mine .. and its for the chikds learning thennthink oknto mention .. if its just for you i think yiu are beyond lucky to have this .

@Angrypregnantlady

I don't think YABU at all. People are stuck on the "looks after the DC" bit. You don't need her.to, you didn't ask her to. She wanted to. If I wanted to spend the day playing with my nieces I wouldn't leave my sisters house a shit tip.

Tell her you can't cope with coming home to a bombsite anymore so you're putting the kids back in childcare. She's making more work for you, she's not helping you at all.

Totally agree with this.

She's entertaining herself at your expense.

@StopCryingYourHeartOut

Wow I'd just be overjoyed to have any family at all who can help with childcare.

Some people don't know how lucky they are.

I’d rather pay than come home to a bomb site, and be made to feel resentful towards an otherwise MIL. When I’m only doing it to facilitate her request, and her relationship with her DGCs.

And I say this as someone who’s never had the so-called ‘luxury’ of family nearby to help.

• otherwise nice MIL.

@SympathyFatigue no you shouldn't have just been delighted he looked after his child. Very key difference here... he is the dad.

Just be grateful you have a willing MIL looking after your kids, not everyone has that luxury

@Blacklampshades

Just be grateful you have a willing MIL looking after your kids, not everyone has that luxury

Why should she be ‘grateful’?

I don’t have the ‘luxury’ either, with MIL being on the other side of the world.

But I certainly wouldn’t find coming back to a house that’s a tip to be a ‘luxury’. Especially if I was quite happy with the previous arrangement, and was only facilitating MIL looking after them at her request.

This ‘be grateful’ nonsense is just that.

Tell your MIL that you're working on the children being tidy and clearing up after themselves. Ask her if she can therefore make sure they all clear their things away once they've finished with them!

Especially if I was quite happy with the previous arrangement, and was only facilitating MIL looking after them at her request.

This is ridiculous though. The OP is a grown adult. She can do what suits her and shouldn’t be hiding behind this idea that her MIL ‘insisted’. If it doesn’t suit, she can pay for nursery.

I look after 2 year old DGC one day a week in my house. It’s a tip at 4 pm, but it takes all of 10 minutes to clear up.

@TheKeatingFive

Especially if I was quite happy with the previous arrangement, and was only facilitating MIL looking after them at her request.

This is ridiculous though. The OP is a grown adult. She can do what suits her and shouldn’t be hiding behind this idea that her MIL ‘insisted’. If it doesn’t suit, she can pay for nursery.

Well, yes, exactly.

My point was - why should she be feeling ‘grateful’ for MIL leaving it in a shit tip?

You don't mention, I think, whether you have spoken to your MIL about this. You also make it sound like you had no choice in MIL providing childcare.
If you're not happy with the situation, do something about it. TALK to her. I'd be pissed off if I came home to mess. On the rare occasion my ex deigns to look after our twin toddlers, I know full well I will come home to mess and a man who has spent most of the time on his phone.

Put them back in childcare. Tell your mil the current way is not working for you but you’d love to see her at the weekends.