to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

[aleciawalton]

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

Just to say - the OP is not a 'breastfeeding counsellor' and to be honest, she would not be accepted to train as one. With this sort of attitude, applicants are weeded out right at the start. Sometimes, they are invited to come back at a later date when they have softened a bit, and developed an open mind.

I've always been led to believe that alcohol in moderation is absolutely fine.....as did the rest of my postnatal group when I had DS1.....infact they were all September babies and I recall sitting at one of their houses with most of us still BFing......nearly Christmas, bottles of wine open, glasses in one hand, baby in other arm feeding........and it was only about 1 in the afternoon

LOL @ ScottishMummy

have to say I sipped (downed) the odd glass of merlot after dd was born, after pregnancy abstinence it was the ultimate treat and yes a neccessity IMO.

How selfish and neglectful of me

My mum was an extended breastfeeder think she had more than the "odd essential glass". me and LS ok tho (apart from chronic short term memory loss

peacelily - I reckon the memory loss is down to kids

Too harsh.

can't even remember to close my brackets

Of course it's ok to have alcohol and breastfeed....the OP doesn't know enough to be taken seriously on any of what she says, but I am sure with the right supervision, support and training she could be helped to be a perfectly ok breastfriend.....with time and committment on her part, of course

Lets hope she's not 'too selfish' to do this.

I havent read all of the posts but I just wanted to say that I only BF for about 2 weeks and then expressed for 1-2 afterwards.

My issues had to do with a lot things mainly emotionally related and to do with lots of people interferring as well as finding BF difficult. I did however have a peer support person trying to help me and went to a BF group where the MW who ran it was absolutely militant about BF (I know most people are not) and she made me feel like a piece of scum for giving my DS a bottle and actually made me cry and on that very same day I gave up.

I have a friend who was very depressed and hardly eating and chose to give up BF and it really improved things for her. Not to say this is the norm but there isnt a woman out there who doesnt know the stats and want to do her best.

I do think that also it has to be put in perspective a little how much does it effect them when they are 18, 35, 65 whether they were BF. I am happy to be shown that it does have a bearing but we stress ourselves so much about it.

Incidentally i am 33 pregnant with DS2 and really planning to the best I possibly can to BF for longer this time, but there are so many other choices to make alonng the way as well that I am not going to let myself feel like a failure this time.

people do of course feel strongly but still, i've reported that Laurie.

Yes I reported it also.

for the swearing??

is that really more offensive than the hideousness of the thought of this woman 'judging' women who can't breastfeed? And being in a position in hospital to criticise them to their face?

really?

Aitch, it needed doing.

All the OP is guilty of is wearing size 12 hobnail boots and of not being open-minded and empathic.

Alecia - don't be too crushed by what people have said to you. You've prob got a good heart underneath all the judgemental crap - and I genuinely meant it when I said 'get some supervision' from your mentor, as I think it will help.

laurie - that was way too harsh

you know, this is making me worry a bit about these peer-to-peer things. i just got useless bfing advice, i never actually came across anyone who could make me feel more shit about myself than i already did.
but if this is the great plan to get mums to bf longer and more successfully... that people get a few days' training and are then inflicted upon us all when we're at our most vulnerable... it's not going to improve things.

at Laurie (and not in a good way)

i'm serious, Laurie, i wonder if she's got good motives but hasn't been educated enough in the issues. she clearly doesn't have a clue... she shouldn't be let out in front of fragile women but she is being encouraged to do so. it's always a question of money in the end... generally speaking (with the honourable exception of many committed voluntary workers) you pays peanuts you gets monkeys.

Thank you Laurie, you said what I should have said.

but i do totally 'get' your anger. been there, done that...

I confess - even though I didn't publicly say what Laurie did, I thought it.

Lauriefairycake well said.

Aitch - you echo my own concerns. I hate being territorial, and there are a gazillion ways to help bf mothers, but peer support does not and cannot train people to do one-to-one stuff at vulnerable moments without supervision.

In groups, yes; one to one....I am not sure.

We are never going to able to train 'enough' breastfeeding counsellors as the training is too long (2-3 years) and peer support offers a speedy alternative (10-20 hours).....but step one of these 10-20 hours should be to knock the judgementalism on the head, and I don't think it happens often enough or well enough.

clearly it doesn't, tiktok. but then i can imagine that they have to bang a drum of 'superiority' to get people to sign up to do it... poor old Alecia, as i said about a hundred years ago on this thread, i think she's in way over her head.

I wish I'd had you around when I had my son, tiktok