to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

[aleciawalton]

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

rebelmum I'm not sure about that. I know plenty of people that just didn't want to or gave up quite quickly.

Of course they all have big fat thick kids now.

Can I just add... you ALL did your absolute best in very very difficult circumstances. Each and every one of you. You did what you could, and sadly i do feel that in some cases, if not many cases, you may have been helped better and had more success if you HAD had MORE support in that early neo-natal period, before you left hospital.
not ONE of you should feel guilty, at all for how things did or didnt happen for you. Utlitimatly, we can only ever do what is best for ourselves and out babies. no one else is in a position to judge what that is, it is your situation , your feeling and emotions.

It is YOU who ultimately knows what really is right for you and your baby. Even if this choice appears to have been taken out of your hands on this occasion, you have no reason to feel guilt. just be proud , incredibly proud that you know you did all you could, and be proud that you have your nourished, bouncing babies/toddlers here now, despite which method you used to feed them.

sorry i've gone on abit... I'll let go now

It is interesting how things have changed and you should be able to debate this topic regardless of it being an emotive issue. Many mothers I know just weren't that taken with breast feeding, rather than had obvious medical reasons.

Historically, family must have taken a central role with support rather than a national health system. Women are also older now having babies so I would guess that this can also play a part with having difficulty breast feeding.

My mother didn't breast feed, it just wasn't fashionable back then and she went back to work at 6 weeks because there wasn't any maternity pay. Lifestyle and culture have an impact.

I think the poster is really commenting on those women that genuinely aren't bothered not people with real difficulties and health problems.

eh?

Have to say I have skipped to the end, so not sure if the OP ever retracted her bizarre attack. I BFed my first DS for 15 months too, after 3 hellish months of him not latching on and me with bleeding nipples and well it was all horrendous. My friends all gave up BFing within one month. Does this make me a better mum?? My Arse it does! Surely we should be thankful there IS formula so mums can feed their babies and remain sane instead of going mad from the stress? BTW had equal problems with DS2 - so dont think that you will sail through feeding your second baby, OP....

Santaoftheopera: I HONESTLY hadnt even read your post until after I posted mine. pure co-incidence that it was a few after yours... however, what you say,did come across to me that it made ME selfish FOR feeding her and 'giving her a morphine addiction' I felt unbelievably guilty about it at the time.

I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for weeks and weeks about it, and as told by an 'Oh so helpful ' midwife, who i had incidentally worked with 10 years ago, and regarded her at the time as a good friend... that ante-natal depression almost always came hand in hand with post-natal depression... hmm, how blood kind of her, not only was i racking with guilt about the morphine, but i knew i had PND to \look\ forward to, and was petrified! I didnt feel i WAS depressed at all, just in severe pain, and feeling so bad about my un born baby girl... enough to upset anyone, but not necessarily equate to clincial depression

sorry, gone on AGAIN!!!

I tried desparately hard to breastfeed despite DS being in SCBU for the first two weeks. My milk didn't come in for 10 days as i had been seriously ill in pregnancy, and it was also discovered at 12 weeks that my DS had a tongue tie. I had to keep breastfeeding and topping up from an NG tube because he couldn't suck from a bottle.
I was made to feel so guilty from both sides - guilty for even thinking of giving up and guilty for starving my baby. Nine months later I still haven't recovered.
I think that far too much pressure is put on new mums now. Also, my experience has shown that the theory that breastfeeding must be established straight away is crap!

Just out of interest, has anyone on this thread agreed with the OP?

I can't see any supporting posts myself, which would suggest she's losing this argument 435-1.

WM, yes, at least one namechanger did. And a gynaecologist.

Damn.

433-3 then. Not really a nail-biter.

Although being a gynaecologist obviously gives you a huuuuge amount of authority in a breastfeeding debate.

Yeah, s'about women, innit.

i tried with all 3 of mine and thanks to unverted nipples wasnt able to even the mw with my first tried so hard to help me over 4 days and they couldnt help even using an electric breast pump with my 2nd didnt get anything!

Enough woman feel awful about not being able to breast feed their babys when they want to so i think you should keep stupid OP like that to yourself! its hard enough becoming a mum without extra pressure from people like you!

Oh dera, this has caused a riot! Personally, BF is not for me, I know this sounds incredibly selfish but I know I woulnd't be happy doing it and I have 3 very healhty children who have a happy mum rather than one bullied into something she just wasn't comofrtable with.Why do people have to be so judgemental?

First of all Alecia, years ago 99%of women did not breast feed-why do you think there was often a 70% mortality rate amoung babies. If you could breast feed you did, if you couldn't and had money you hired a wet nurse, if you had no money, your baby died. Simple. Aren't you glad we don't live like that any more, that we have choices?

If it is making you this envious that others are somehow "getting out" of breatfeeding, I suggest you stop. Its YOUR CHOICE.

First of all Alecia, years ago 99%of women did not breast feed-why do you think there was often a 70% mortality rate amoung babies. If you could breast feed you did, if you couldn't and had money you hired a wet nurse, if you had no money, your baby died. Simple. Aren't you glad we don't live like that any more, that we have choices?

If it is making you this envious that others are somehow "getting out" of breatfeeding, I suggest you stop. Its YOUR CHOICE.

I agree with emjhill , very angry after reading your question.
I couldn't BF 1st child and the sense of failure I received from so-called experts only added to a very hard time for me - my son was out early after pre-eclampsia caused c-section, many miserable days of bossy midwives grabbing my breasts and shoving my nipples around-felt like a nobody .
Thankfully one of the midwives on night-shift was an absolute angel.
Had no probs with 2nd child but defences are always up when smug mums say things like this.

NEVER EVER judge why someone doesn't BF. I say "I couldn't do it" because that is easier and simpler to say than the truth - i.e I wasn't allowed to do it as they were too busy pumping me full of drugs trying to save my life following Eclampsia. Believe it or not when you are lying in intensive care the last thing on your mind and the doctors is to make you breastfeed. Likewise all the drugs you take for weeks afterwards are not ideal to pass onto the baby. So yes I couldn't brestfeed and so sorry if that this seen by you as being selfish. I was too busy fitting for my life to even get the chance.

My first two babies were brilliant feeders and gannets - never turned down a feed, would feed to sleep, no problems whatsoever. My daughter is completely different. Her latch is appalling, she bobs on and off, sprays milk all over the place, feeds only for about 3 mins at a time... if she'd been my first I would've said "I couldn't" too! I regularly threaten her with a can of SMA Until I had her I thought that these women who say they couldn't bf or that the baby 'wouldn't' were making it up too, but she has totally made me realise that some babies just aren't good feeders. In an ideal world all mothers would breastfeed, but everyone's an individual and what works for some doesn't for others.

offs is this for real!!!!