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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
Allthefilmsarecrap · 20/04/2021 17:29

God my eyes popped out my head reading this. I honestly wouldn’t let him back till it was covered but I’m a worst case scenario type of person.

DearTeddyRobinson · 20/04/2021 17:30

Tbh OP I wouldn't have let him go there in the first place without a cover on the pond. Far too dangerous. I would insist they install a cover and thank their lucky stars today was just a warning rather than a tragedy.

Sbk28 · 20/04/2021 17:31

A cover won't stop him from falling in. A fence around it would - that's what they need. If they can't or won't do this, they shouldn't have him out in the garden

GreenTeaPingPong · 20/04/2021 17:32

That is very worrying. I think there is more awareness these days than there was in your PIL's time about drowning risks and small children, even in shallow water. I think you should calmly and gently but firmly say that he can't be there without you or your DP until they get a cover, even if that means inconvenience to you re work and upset to them as they'll feel accused of neglect.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 20/04/2021 17:32

@DearTeddyRobinson

Tbh OP I wouldn't have let him go there in the first place without a cover on the pond. Far too dangerous. I would insist they install a cover and thank their lucky stars today was just a warning rather than a tragedy.
This. My child wouldn’t set foot onto their property until the pond was covered and if the child’s father reacted any differently I would be extremely concerned about his parenting. I’m so glad for you that all was ok but can imagine how shaken up you must feel.
Tartyflette · 20/04/2021 17:32

Garden ponds are a serious hazard for toddlers, we fenced ours off when DC were small. YADNBU.
Terrible accidents can happen in no more than a few seconds. .

Twistered · 20/04/2021 17:32

He fell in even though they are diligent and careful just shows how quickly accidents happen. I'd be kindly insisting on them filling it in or getting a cover. Your mil sounds nice so just message her back saying it's terrified you at how quick things like that can happen even though they are so good etc. And that the pond needs filled or covered.

GreenTeaPingPong · 20/04/2021 17:34

You can get safety grids/nets.

Fembot123 · 20/04/2021 17:34

Why did they say they’d try to? What might prevent them?

Legoninjago1 · 20/04/2021 17:36

Absolutely yanbu. I wouldn't be letting him back either.

MogHog · 20/04/2021 17:36

My parents had a metal grill put over their pond as soon as one of us had a child. There was no discussion over it at all. They knew all it takes it a second with your back turned. I would not be letting my kids go back until they've taken measures to make sure this never happens again.

constantsnaxking · 20/04/2021 17:37

I'd not let them visit again until the pond was gone.

BingBongToTheMoon · 20/04/2021 17:37

Nope. He wouldn’t be going back until it’s secured with a fence (I would want mesh on top too.....or it’s drained & filled in!)

Legoninjago1 · 20/04/2021 17:38

Until it was made safe I mean.

Heronwatcher · 20/04/2021 17:39

YANBU, my in-laws had a massive trampoline with no side nets. I kept insisting it was dangerous for my young kids but no one believed me until my daughter fell off and broke her arm. Maybe your DH could help get a cover or better still fence it off? But definitely don’t be guilt tripped into dropping this.

TSSDNCOP · 20/04/2021 17:39

I had a wrought iron grill made for the pond when I was pregnant. My neighbour had one and the entrances between our properties weren't gated so we installed a small gate too.

Ponds, hot tubs, pools are lethal. You don't hear them go in and their clothes weigh them down very quickly even if the water is seemingly shallow.

longwayoff · 20/04/2021 17:40

They are idiots. Get a bloody cover for them if they're still vacillating. And ensure they use it when your child's there. In fact, think hard about that if they're so daft.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/04/2021 17:40

I would be helping them get a pond cover (metal not net) or looking into fencing.

THisbackwithavengeance · 20/04/2021 17:40

Yes, a cover is needed. However, if they look after your DS as childcare for you, then you might want to suggest that you and your DH organise and pay for it.

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2021 17:41

Fuck me, you have to ask? Shock

I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.

Why 'gently' when you're child could've died? Tell them they need to get the pond made safe before your child goes around there again.

ItIsMyName · 20/04/2021 17:41

Maybe send them a link/ print the article about Muriel Gray’s daughter, Roman, who fell into a garden pond and is now severely handicapped.

Hellocatshome · 20/04/2021 17:42

My parents got a metal grid put across their pond when their first grandchild was born and they live 100s of miles away and only see the kids a few times a year. Its a non negotiable in my opinion.

Sevensilverrings · 20/04/2021 17:43

If it was me, I’d probably just ask them if I could get a cover fitted for them. Once it’s done and you can move on to worrying about whether they keep garden chemicals and heart medication safely locked up, and if they stop the toddler twiddling the gas cooker knobs or trying to climb out of the upstairs windows. (All things we worried over when kids visited grandparents)!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/04/2021 17:43

Get your DH to tell them DC won't be visiting until they fit a grid and explain that he is disappointed that they hadn't done it already. He could offer to fit it so you are both sure it is safe. You don't have to be the bad guy on this one.

I hope you are feeling more calm now. That has to have been an awful moment for you.

BlueDahlia69 · 20/04/2021 17:43

I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.

Id be telling them that my child would not be left in their care again until that POND is filled in or gated off.

and I'll be honest OP I think you are 100% UNDER REACTING here.

Thank goodness your Son is safe and well.

Please do not allow the chance for 'a next time'.

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