To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

[Boursinfan]

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

I'm a very relaxed parent but this is one thing I'd be shit hot on. He doesn't go back unless the pond has a cover, a fence he can't climb over or is filled in. Absolutely no way. See how easy it was for him to fall with supervision? Imagine if he managed to get out of their house (can he? How easy is it for him to get out of the house, what are their back doors like?)

I wouldn't care if they were offended. I'd be bloody offended by their "try to" They'll try to stop their grandchild from drowning? Not good enough.

I think its all been said, but I agree with the majority. I would either sort the cover for them myself and make sure it is fitted properly, or arrange different childcare. It’s far too much of a risk. Otherwise how are you going to have peace of mind?

I also don’t understand you saying ‘luckily they were out there’ suggesting that sometimes they are not out there with him!!

When I was pregnant with my first we pulled our pond out of the garden and filled it in. This is a non-negotiable with little ones. The risks don’t bare thinking about. I agree with others, until it’s made safe, your son shouldn’t return

Your in-laws are not taking it seriously enough. Saying they will "try" to get a cover is not good enough. They should have promised to get a cover immediately and they shouldn't be taking him into the garden until they do.

Don't let him go back there until they fit a cover. I say this as someone who looks after 2.5 year old GCs. We used to have a pond but filled it in before the GCs came along. Toddlers are so quick but also unsteady at that age.

I'm usually a very laid back parent but this would ring alarm bells for me. Your PIL don't seem to be acknowledging the danger of water and young children.

My DP's have a large natural pond at the end of their garden. When I was born they fenced it off with a (not aesthetically pleasing) safe wire fence, which was removed when I was older. When I had DC they automatically put a similar fence up, I didn't even have ask.

A relative of mine filled in the pond as soon as he found out his wife was pregnant and that was back in the 50s so I’m surprised they’re so lax! Absolutely get your DP on side with this.

A friend of mine lost one of her children this way, even though there were loads of people around (she was hosting a get-together & therefore busy elsewhere & wasn't in the garden at that point). Please keep your son away from the GP's garden until they've got a grid over the pond.

Dont blame your in laws it was an accident,
My dd fell into my grandmas pond, whilst We were both holding dds hands!!
It happened so quick luckily we were able to grab her before her head went under.
Grandad fenced it after that.
They both felt awful but it was nobody’s fault. Just a quick toddler! At least they were there. They probably feel awful but do insist it’s made safer for sure.

www.rospa.com/leisure-safety/water/advice/pond-garden-water

I take a pretty robust approach to kids' and don't worry at all about a few bumps and bruises, but I'd draw the line here. Accidents happen so easily.

www.rospa.com/leisure-safety/water/advice/pond-garden-water

Thanks everyone.

It’s very odd as they’re both intelligent people. Academics. They said last year when they bought the house they’d get a cover for it, but never did.
I will insist on it now though. What happened today was too close for comfort.

Intelligence doesn’t equal common sense unfortunately.

It’s your DC, you need to sort it.

You've had your answer. Do not gamble your child's life.
As a PP said, tell DH to phone tonight to arrange going over there asap to help erect a fence or place a sturdy grid.

Inlaws would not be allowed to be childminders or foster carers with a pond in the garden.

Yes the pond needs covering. But the pp saying he wasn't supervised? How do you know? They could have been stood next to him looking in the pond. It was an accident ffs. They happen.

He wouldn't go there again unless it was covered. I would offer to pay for a cover because they are helping you out so shouldnt be out of pocket.

@GreenTeaPingPong

That is very worrying. I think there is more awareness these days than there was in your PIL's time about drowning risks and small children, even in shallow water. I think you should calmly and gently but firmly say that he can't be there without you or your DP until they get a cover, even if that means inconvenience to you re work and upset to them as they'll feel accused of neglect.

Not really. I’m 39. When my parents moved into their home before I was born they removed a pond because they knew it was very dangerous if you had young children!

You're right to be horrified. Whilst under the care of PIL my nephew sledged headfirst into a tree and blackened his eye, another came off a scooter on a steep hill I wouldn't have let my DC on and badly skinned his arms and legs and in another incident aged 8 fell unsupervised off a ropeswing in the park (whilst PIL sat in the car with a flask) and broke both his wrists.
Neither us or SIL left our Dc with them unattended ever again.
I know accidents happen, but their sense of danger was sadly lacking.
This is your first warning. Absolutely nothing would stop me putting a halt to your childcare arrangement now.

My BIL as a police officer had to investigate a child death from drowning in a garden pond. Had a huge effect on him, and I still remember today the impact on the community. Awful tragedy. They must agree to a fence or fill it in op.

Yes accidents happen but this was a completely preventable accident that could have had unthinkable consequences. I wouldn’t let my child go back to their house until the pond is properly covered and for the sake of harmony I would offer to pay for it to be done.

Has your DP been told about it yet? You reckon he won't make a fuss but when it comes to the safety of his child surely he will want what's best for your Ds. He needs to ensure his parents secure the pond and tell them until it's done they won't be able to have Ds over to the house. If that means you or dp taking a day off to cover their childcare day, then so be it.

I'd personally not go back to the house with my child if the pond was not made safe. Toddlers are top-heavy and tumble forward easily, my son did that with me next to him twice [once a year later than the first time, as did my daughter, Being right next to them meant I could pull them out but had I been further away they could have breathed in scummy pond water.

My inlaws when my son was little had sheets of thin glass leaning against the wall in the garden, they didn't see the danger, I don't think they saw it when their son asked them to move it either, but they did
and probably thought I was being over protective but so be it, no way was he going to risk falling into thin sheets of glass, even had he not een a clumsy child who fell over everything I'd not have wanted it around. It wasn't safe for them either I guess but had they fallen onto it then that was their look out

Ponds are really important for wildlife and newts are a protected species. Fencing works. Teach your kids to handle risk!

My DS fell into a pond while me, his aunt and uncle were both stood right behind him chafing (he was sitting on the edge swinging his legs) and suddenly he was gone ... and we were all there! I have a hideous fear of ponds now.

You need your DH on board!

Although my parents were fantastic as sole care grandparents erm no! The handful of times I let them ‘babysit’ I would arrive to yet another minor thankfully accident. They would not change anything for their grandchildren types, ornaments out, tiny pond uncovered, snappy little dog etc. I never made a fuss but would fume inside! I think grandparents lose ability as they age to be aware of dangers to little kids. There was one major incident where my youngest almost drowned in a public swimming pool when my mum let go of him accidentally and thank god for life guards! No more swim trips then. If they can’t change, their loss.

@Sparrowfeeder

Ponds are really important for wildlife and newts are a protected species. Fencing works. Teach your kids to handle risk!

No

make the area Safe.

My dd fell into a pool whilst I was standing there, it was shocking how silent it was, as there was other noise around us at the time.

Absolutely one hundred per cent, do not buckle on this op. This IS the hill to die on in terms of standing your ground.

Next time they may be distracted and it could be too late to save him.

I had the awful job of having to deal with parents of drowned children overseas as part of my job, and I mean this when I say I would not wish it on anyone, I can still remember the mother's screams and the little pair of shoes by the door to this day. It has stayed with me as if it happened yesterday.

Water and young children is lethal.