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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 20/04/2021 18:46

We were all there chatting ... not chafing 😂

InkieNecro · 20/04/2021 18:47

@TellySavalashairbrush To be honest I'd think that grandparents would usually provide a higher quality of health and safety than an ofsted nursery.

Cherrypies · 20/04/2021 18:47

I dont think you can ever be too careful around garden ponds, my pond is very deep in places, this metal grid was over my pond as soon as the eldest grandson could toddle. Added bonus, it keeps the fish safe from any passing heron.

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?
cptartapp · 20/04/2021 18:47

LST she said they turned their backs. So they didn't have their eyes on him all the time. And that's them probably minimising slighty.

Lemonandlime123 · 20/04/2021 18:47

Don't let him go back until there is a cover.

provencegal · 20/04/2021 18:48

sparrow you can't teach toddlers to handle risk, they will simply drown. The wildlife can enjoy life elsewhere!!!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/04/2021 18:48

@DearTeddyRobinson

Tbh OP I wouldn't have let him go there in the first place without a cover on the pond. Far too dangerous. I would insist they install a cover and thank their lucky stars today was just a warning rather than a tragedy.
Absolutely this!

There's no way a small child - in fact any child under about 12 - should be unattended near water.

Even an older child can slip, hit their head and drown - children can drown in even an inch or two of water.

No pond cover - no child visit. Simples. I wouldn't even trust them to watch him carefully when they've let this happen once - they'll probably expect him to have learned his lesson and keep away from it.

Butwasitherdriveway · 20/04/2021 18:48

If they were close enough to get him out straight away, they were with him!

There is no could have died about it

As long as they are supervising him I don't understand the issue.

Although I don't understand why he was that close

PhatPhanny · 20/04/2021 18:49

A cover is the worst idea ever.
They need to fence it ans make it inaccessible to your ds.

We all fell in our pond growing up, and its not a little one, we only fell in once!

Accidents happen, work together to find a solution that keeps your dc safe.

Muchasgracias · 20/04/2021 18:49

@Boursinfan

Thanks everyone.

It’s very odd as they’re both intelligent people. Academics. They said last year when they bought the house they’d get a cover for it, but never did.
I will insist on it now though. What happened today was too close for comfort.

Your mindset needs to change as much as the IL’s.

Do you think academics are superhuman who don’t normally have lapses of attention? Drowning will happen to anyone and most drownings of children happen when they aren’t meant to be swimming. Toddlers are naturally curious of water. You can bet that your toddler often has his sights set on that pond and that is precisely why today’s incident happened and could very definitely happen again. I would never allow my child to be minded at a property with an uncovered water source. Utter madness. Please don’t decide that you care more about not offending your in laws than you do about saving your child’s life.

Gottalovesummer · 20/04/2021 18:50

Please send them some links to how bloody dangerous ponds are for small children. They need to be aware of the risks.

Good luck.

purplecorkheart · 20/04/2021 18:50

If it was me I would be researching grids rather than cover for the pond and I would pay for it.

Muchasgracias · 20/04/2021 18:50

@Butwasitherdriveway

If they were close enough to get him out straight away, they were with him!

There is no could have died about it

As long as they are supervising him I don't understand the issue.

Although I don't understand why he was that close

It takes seconds not minutes for a child to drown. Why would you take that chance????
StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 20/04/2021 18:52

I'd insist on a proper cover or the pond being filled in before letting my son go back there without me. 100% non-negotiable.
The risk is too great. And as your son gets older and can open doors, if it isn't covered then the risk is still there. Children move very quickly and quietly when they want to explore without you.

My in-laws had a pond. I didn't ask for it to be covered over but it was filled in once grandchildren started arriving and I was so relieved at not having to ask. I would have but we've got lots of other differences so it allowed me to focus on those instead Smile

Butwasitherdriveway · 20/04/2021 18:54

@Muchasgracias not the point. They were obviously there!

Butwasitherdriveway · 20/04/2021 18:55

@cptartapp

You're right to be horrified. Whilst under the care of PIL my nephew sledged headfirst into a tree and blackened his eye, another came off a scooter on a steep hill I wouldn't have let my DC on and badly skinned his arms and legs and in another incident aged 8 fell unsupervised off a ropeswing in the park (whilst PIL sat in the car with a flask) and broke both his wrists. Neither us or SIL left our Dc with them unattended ever again. I know accidents happen, but their sense of danger was sadly lacking. This is your first warning. Absolutely nothing would stop me putting a halt to your childcare arrangement now.
What is the relevance of this completely unrelated chain of events to OP?
abeanbaked · 20/04/2021 18:56

Ponds are really important for wildlife and newts are a protected species. Fencing works. Teach your kids to handle risk!

Toddlers can't risk assess, that's why they might drown ffs. Would you rather lose a childs life through teaching them how to 'handle risk' than just fence the bloody thing off?

Dacquoise · 20/04/2021 18:56

The other issue with this is that pond water can contain dangerous bacteria. A neighbours husband died after swallowing pond water. Why take the risk?

Pythonesque · 20/04/2021 18:57

I can vouch for pond grids. We moved into our place with a newborn and a just three year old, and got a grid installed by the first summer I think. It worked really well and meant they could still be shown things in the pond.

Eventually my husband decided it was time to remove it (both were over twelve by that point); but I slightly regret that as I'm now teaching violin to small children at home and it would be nice sometimes to be able to let them or their siblings go out and look at the fish! Well, they still can but only with 110% supervision...

harridan50 · 20/04/2021 18:58

I dont want to be alarmist but please be aware of secondary drowning and watch him closely
And no i would not let him go back at the moment until the pond was secure

cushioncovers · 20/04/2021 18:58

Do not let your child go there until they have a robust permanent cover over the pond. You are your child's protector and advocate you need to be very firm on this and stand your ground.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2021 18:59

Absolutely don’t send him again until they’ve covered the pond with a grill (or filled it in) and you’ve seen that they have.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 20/04/2021 19:00

Gosh normally I am pretty relaxed about stuff but this is one of my fears, kids falling in even the smallest amount of water. I can imagine your anxiety levels will be through the roof.

Butwasitherdriveway · 20/04/2021 19:00

@Dacquoise

The other issue with this is that pond water can contain dangerous bacteria. A neighbours husband died after swallowing pond water. Why take the risk?
My god

Page six and we have several people who drowned, secondary drowning and now poisonous pond water.

OP, it needs sorted. We know this. But I'm not sure all of these tales are in any way helpful and will cause you to make them feel worse than they already do.

rwalker · 20/04/2021 19:01

No point in what if's and could have . It's a straight forward conversion cover it fence it or it goes or he doesn't visit
I say conversation just be straight there no need to fall out and get heated .
Do it now whilst it's still fresh say something like "what are you going to do about the pond so DS will able to visit again ".