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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
girlmama32 · 20/04/2021 17:44

I wouldn't be letting him back there until they had covered it. Who's to say someone might not be as quick next time, it's not worth thinking about!

Twistered · 20/04/2021 17:44

I'd buy the cover for it myself

TedisnotH · 20/04/2021 17:46

We live on a farm, we have a 40 m pool in the ( very large) wilder garden area.
Once we had a child, it was fenced off and we made a smaller, fenced area of garden around the house so DC could play safely, where all their toys were. Trips to the pond were supervised, just as trips to the farm animals and machinery were.
I would not send my child back until the pond is made child proof, in some way

MixedUpFiles · 20/04/2021 17:49

You need to be clear that by cover you mean safety grid or fencing. Otherwise you might find a tarp thrown over the top which actually increases the danger.

TustedFormula · 20/04/2021 17:49

I'm going to go against the grain and say he was adequately supervised. No actual harm came to him.

Windinmyhair · 20/04/2021 17:49

I'm quite chilled about risk... but seriously? Mine wouldn't be going back without a cover for the pond that I had inspected (some are too flimsy to hold weight).

I think you are under reacting if you are as calm as your post suggests.

www.rospa.com/rospaweb/docs/advice-services/leisure-safety/pond-statistics.pdf

saraclara · 20/04/2021 17:50

They're diligent and careful normally, and they were honest enough to tell you about this.

I'd be honest back, and say that this has really freaked you out, and that you're now really uncomfortable with him going there while the pond is uncovered. Send them some Google links to metal, safety assured pond covers, and if they do free child care for you, offer to pay part of the cost

lljkk · 20/04/2021 17:50

Covers can be basic & not expensive. Ours was strong enough for me to walk on it.

HedgePutty · 20/04/2021 17:50

Your child fell in whilst supervised, just imagine if they weren’t watching/had turned their back. They could have assumed he wasn’t at the bottom of the pond and gone into the house to find him.
Honestly react more.

Twistered · 20/04/2021 17:53

@TustedFormula

I think it's obvious he was well supervised and no harm came about . But it also just goes to show that even with careful diligence that a child can topple into a pond and there is enough concerns about toddlers drowning in ponds that a cover is needed

nancywhitehead · 20/04/2021 17:53

Yes of course you should insist they do whatever is needed to make it safe!

Why on earth is this even in question? This is your child's safety!

AppleDolphin · 20/04/2021 17:53

Tell them this In the UK 111 children under the age of five have drowned during the last decade in garden ponds.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 20/04/2021 17:54

They definitely need to fence it off with a sturdy bolt on the gate and a good metal cover for the pond. Maybe you should have a look online and send them links.
I hope your son is OK, my son is the same age and fell in a filthy duck pond when out with his dad. Scared me horribly when I found out.

Twistered · 20/04/2021 17:54

@HedgePutty has summed it up

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/04/2021 17:55

@TustedFormula

I'm going to go against the grain and say he was adequately supervised. No actual harm came to him.
And even with adequate supervision he fell in!

Think it through...

AmyLou100 · 20/04/2021 17:55

I wouldn't have let him there in the first place with it uncovered. Can you offer to get it covered?

Cosmos45 · 20/04/2021 17:55

Sorry OP but I think this is one of the most shocking things I have read on here. There were from memory some really old safety adverts about kids drowning many years ago and the main culprit was garden ponds. I would have insisted it was fenced off before the child ever went round there just in case they ever fell in. Now that the child has in fact fallen in I would not be sending my child there ever again until it was fenced off or covered.

Herbie0987 · 20/04/2021 17:56

We have a wildlife pond in our garden and none of our grandchildren have fallen in, they were never left alone in the garden. We taught them from toddler age if they went up the garden path they had to stop at a certain point, being young sometimes they forgot, but we were always watching.
The only thing that has fallen into the pond was my daughter’s puppy.

nanbread · 20/04/2021 17:56

I don't think you should insist they do anything assuming you don't pay for them to do childcare.

Buy and pay and arrange for it yourself, with their permission, or get other childcare.

Comtesse · 20/04/2021 17:57

No freaking way. They need to get a cover now or else he can’t come over.

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 20/04/2021 17:58

I agree it should be covered, but you don't have to overreact like other posters are suggesting.

Be honest, say it's freaked you out - your MIL seems nice enough. I agree with a PP send them links to some covers on google, and failing that buy a cover yourself and fit it yourself.

Lndnmummy · 20/04/2021 17:59

It’s the lack of supervision rather than lack of cover. If he was supervised correctly he wouldn’t have fallen in. And if there is a cover but they still lack in supervision then he will still not be safe there. That would be my view.

Lndnmummy · 20/04/2021 18:00

It’s not about the cover, it’s about poor judgment and lack of supervision on the grandparents part.

Leafyhouse · 20/04/2021 18:01

Sorry OP, but you've only got a 50% say in this. If they refuse to install a pond cover or fence, be prepared for a Battle Royale with DP. Previous posters have said 'refuse to allow the GP's to see the child'. Yea right, like that's so easy. Hmm

My suggestion - if they refuse to get a fence / cover, buy them one.

tuttifuckinfruity · 20/04/2021 18:02

I would research the best way to make safe (cover / grid) etc and then I would do it myself.