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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
DollyMinx · 20/04/2021 18:03

@Sbk28

A cover won't stop him from falling in. A fence around it would - that's what they need. If they can't or won't do this, they shouldn't have him out in the garden
This^

A few years ago my neighbour's little 3 year old fell
in their pond and drowned. I've never forgotten it. All
the, if only and heartbreak for the sake of a fence or filling it in.

livingthegoodlife · 20/04/2021 18:03

This is why my in laws didn't look after my children. They had 2 ponds, were desperate for grandchildren toddlers to stay over night but it was far too dangerous. Even when we were there I had to be on high alert for drowning risk. One time mil took my 2 year old for a little walk around the garden holding her hand. I stayed inside the house having a cup of tea. Suddenly child is next to me with no sign on mil. Turns out she had sent the child in (past the 2 ponds!!) On her own. No-one would have known if she'd drowned. After that I supervised the toddlers in the garden myself too.

Don't give into family pressure to send the child back until the pond is safe. Nothing is worth the risk to your child. Nothing.

Lndnmummy · 20/04/2021 18:03

The child did not fall in whilst supervised, that didn’t happen, a supervised toddler would not fall in the pond. I suspect this part is pure fabrication. It would raise serious trust issues and red flags.

MrsOrMiss · 20/04/2021 18:03

A close friend's son fell into a pond, the whole family were with him in the garden, he was 'under' a matter of minutes.
He died. His siblings watched their brother die.

Not over dramatizing.

Get the pond filled in.

8bitgame · 20/04/2021 18:04

I would be saying "Gosh it just goes to show how quickly these things can happen and how dangerous ponds are with young children. DH and I will pay for a cover and fit it before they come again so they are safe and no one has to worry"

Dodie66 · 20/04/2021 18:04

No don’t let him go back until they sort out a fence or cover it
My neighbours child went missing and I found her face down in another neighbours pond. Unfortunately they couldn’t Resusitate her. Your child could have died too

ILoveShula · 20/04/2021 18:04

You can't demand they get rid of the pond as it would be cruel to he newts. A secure grid over the pond is a sensible option.

Grandadwasthatyou · 20/04/2021 18:05

For God's sake why would your child's OWN GRANDPARENTS not want to do everything possible to prevent possible tragic consequences?

ILoveShula · 20/04/2021 18:05

the newts, not he newts. I care about she newts too.

GelfBride · 20/04/2021 18:05

My first ever boyfriend had an older sister that drowned in grandma and grandpa's garden pond when she was a toddler. It needs fencing off. When we moved into the house I grew up in there was a pond but Dad drained it and filled it with flowers until we were old enough to not drpwn accidently.

Mollymalone123 · 20/04/2021 18:07

We have a small pond and my dh made a cover to go over it himself- didn’t take long- I’m pretty sure that they were mortified and will sort out something for next time.It doesn’t have to be a permanent structure as such-ours lifts on and off but they need to cover it-even with just a large board- whilst grandchild is there.perhaps you could make a suggestion as to something similar and see what they say.

nocoolnamesleft · 20/04/2021 18:07

My blood just ran cold. I've seen a child left permanently severely brain damaged by falling in a garden pond. He doesn't go back there until they fill it in or fence it. Please.

Kottbullar · 20/04/2021 18:08

It’s the lack of supervision rather than lack of cover. If he was supervised correctly he wouldn’t have fallen in.

I don't know about that, the OP hasn't said what happened.
DS3 slipped fell into a lake while I was holding his hand.

Mrgrinch · 20/04/2021 18:08

My child wouldn’t set foot onto their property until the pond was covered

Some people on here are so bloody dramatic. So she wouldn't be allowed to step foot anywhere that there is a pond, even with your supervision then? I take it you'll never take your children to the beach/swimming etc.

Standrewsschool · 20/04/2021 18:09

I’m glad dc is okay after his accident.

I do think you should speak to them if dh won’t. Do some research yourself into suitable pond protection. Even offer to pay yourself, if they’re a bit reluctant (due to cost etc).

TheGumption · 20/04/2021 18:09

Cruel to the newts 🙄

MoreWater · 20/04/2021 18:09

First pot of call - have this out with your DH. Your child will not be going to GPs unless the pond is dealt with, and you expect him to get on board with it.

He then calls them. "Hi mum and dad. What a shock we had that Alfie fell into the pond today! I'd like to come around and help you make it safer at the weekend. When would be a good time for you?".

Whether he pays or they pay isn't really the issue, I wouldn't let that bother me (although they should pay). Maybe they don't want to address it, maybe they disagree between themselves, maybe they don't know what to do, or maybe they would just appreciate the help and concern.

If the above doesn't work, then you continue to deal with this with your DH.

It may be that you can get this adequately sorted without it blowing up.

Dacquoise · 20/04/2021 18:10

Garden pomds and small children don't mix. First thing we did when we moved to New house was fill it in. Fish were set free in local pond. If they don't want to fill it in, there are metal covers you can cement in to stop this happening again. This is a big deal and needs sorting.

BakeOffRewatch · 20/04/2021 18:10

Yeah I would be taking my child to A&E for checks, both for tummy and other damage as moments in the water can lead to oxygen deprivation.

It must have been awful for your baby too, and he may be scared and fearful whilst there after falling in.

I’m really sorry this awful thing happened x

TellySavalashairbrush · 20/04/2021 18:11

Sorry but I think many are over reacting here. Grandmother rang expressing her apologies. They dealt with your son as they should. Surely it’s a good idea for your dh to be the one who covers it. They are pensioners who are looking after their grandchild- free of charge I assume? They are an Ofsted registered nursery that needs to conform to health and safety inspections.

Bonariensis · 20/04/2021 18:11

Definitely a fence or a weight bearing cover. A good friend of mine's toddler fell in their pool at the new house just before they were due to have it fenced off. She had got out of the house somehow. She was badly brain damaged, lingered in a coma for ages and eventually died. I still go cold when I think about it.

The price of not offending someone is too high OP.

TellySavalashairbrush · 20/04/2021 18:11

Not an ofsted nursery!

ladymalfoy45 · 20/04/2021 18:12

I’m old enough (47)to remember that PIF where they showed the dangers of ponds in gardens. My Mum is 67 and she remembers it.
I can’t believe they never watched that.

VanillaCokeZero · 20/04/2021 18:13

Sorry I can’t get past the ‘I’ll try to’.

Janaih · 20/04/2021 18:13

My neighbour put a fence and a grill on her pond when the neighbour on the other side had a baby. Just in case they climbed over the wall when toddler age.
I would not allow them to babysit until this is completed to a safe standard.