Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
RuthW · 20/04/2021 18:15

My child would not be there without me until the pond had gone. I know a child who nearly lost their life in a near drowning in a pond. They are an adult now, disabled both mentally and physically and needs 24 hour care.

Actually I would be wary of leaving a child with them again, pond or not.

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 20/04/2021 18:16

A lot of people are very much overreacting. Of course the pond should be covered, but this really doesn't need to blow up and cause massive problems in the family. Honesty is best and if that fails sort the cover yourselves.

Mrgrinch · 20/04/2021 18:16

@TheGumption

Cruel to the newts 🙄
I think I've heard it all nowGrin
EasterEggBelly · 20/04/2021 18:16

We had a pond too which we filled in before I fell pregnant. Too many horror stories out there for us to take the risk.
I’d want it fenced off.
Was he out in the garden by himself? I know accidents happen every day even with an adult present but I’d want to know a bit more about the circumstances.

Original poster
Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 18:16

Just to add to the story, he fell in feet first , according to them he had dropped his toy train in, then as it was floating he stepped in to get it.

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 20/04/2021 18:17

@Kottbullar think we are from the same neck of the woods. How many supervised children do you know who have fallen into water? I’m an old life guard (just summer work in college) and without fail the children that got into trouble where the ones whose parents took their eyes off them. Supervised children do not drown.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 20/04/2021 18:17

Honestly I think you are under-reacting too.

I know a family where a toddler died in an accident while in the care of grandparents from something that could have been easily prevented with some basic safety measures. It tore the whole family apart.

Every possible precaution should be taken asap.

Original poster
Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 18:17

They were there in the garden with him, but had turned their back for just a second apparently.

OP posts:
MyHolyWine · 20/04/2021 18:17

My child wouldn’t be going back without me til the pond was filled in. I’m not exaggerating.

Heatherjayne1972 · 20/04/2021 18:19

This is the reason my parents filled their pond in once grandchildren arrived
It takes seconds and just two inches of water for a small child to drown

BeetyAxe · 20/04/2021 18:20

100% no way would he be back until there was a cover. End of story and I’m normally very chilled.

Chathamhouserules · 20/04/2021 18:20

Yes, a cover is needed. However, if they look after your DS as childcare for you, then you might want to suggest that you and your DH organise and pay for it. This.

viques · 20/04/2021 18:21

The pond will be a lovely thing for your child to see when he is older so I am saying they shouldn’t be expected to fill it in (and it has newts!) , but it needs to be made safe, either with a locked fence or a metal grid.

DroopyDaff · 20/04/2021 18:22

Your DH needs to fence off the pond before your DC is left there again. No ifs or buts. If they are elderly and don’t want the trouble and cost of doing themselves, it’s for the safety of your DC, you must get it done yourself. If they don’t agree then DC is not there with you there.

This should have been done before they started having him of course. It’s an obvious safety hazard.

Keep an eye out for a high temp. I’d also co sleep tonight in case of vomiting or difficulty breathing - dry drowning.

Longingforatikihut · 20/04/2021 18:22

If there is any chance he could have inhaled any water please go to the hospital. Not wishing to trigger hysterics but it can take up to 24 hours for secondary drowning to take effect.

ChikiTIKI · 20/04/2021 18:23

Difficult one. If this happened to my child I would insist on a cover.

However my parents have a tiny pond and don't have a cover. If the children are in the garden, someone is out there with them at l times.

What actually happened? Were they nearby at all?

abeanbaked · 20/04/2021 18:23

I'd be really upset if I were you, he was supervised and still fell in. Kids are quick and you need to be vigilant, they should absolutely have it covered.

If that was me looking after someone's child and they fell into a pond I'd feel absolutely awful thinking about what could have happened.

ChikiTIKI · 20/04/2021 18:23

*at all times

tenlittlecygnets · 20/04/2021 18:24

Why don't you and your h pay to have the pond fenced off until your dc are older? It has newts in it - they're protected and need all the help they can get. And I'm sure your PILs enjoy the pond. A fence can be removed when it's no longer needed.

Couchbettato · 20/04/2021 18:25

It doesn't take much water to drown in.

Covers are flimsy and won't stop a fallen child drowning.

The pond needs to be made completely secure.

If they truly feel horrible that this has happened they will sort it out.

ThePoetsWife · 20/04/2021 18:25

A family member lost their nephew at a similar age in the same way - he was supervised, but they were distraction for a few seconds.

Marshmallow91 · 20/04/2021 18:26

Insist on it being covered. If your not bothered about your child going over there, tell them he won't be allowed over again until it is fenced off/iron grated/ filled in etc.

If you want him to go over there, then buy it yourself and get it installed properly.

You shouldn't have to but I'd rather do that than getting a call saying my child was dead.

This is 50 quid for collection in York - www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Large-Metal-Pond-Grid-/174728239237?_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286

There should be similar near wherever you are if you have a look.

Mrgrinch · 20/04/2021 18:26

I do think since you're getting free childcare you could offer to pay for it to be done.

DroopyDaff · 20/04/2021 18:26

If they don’t agree then DC is not there without you there.

campion · 20/04/2021 18:26

@Lndnmummy

It’s the lack of supervision rather than lack of cover. If he was supervised correctly he wouldn’t have fallen in. And if there is a cover but they still lack in supervision then he will still not be safe there. That would be my view.
My then 2 yr old fell in my parents' pond whilst I was standing next to him. It happened in a split second and I grabbed him as he hit the water. He was obviously a bit shocked - and wet - but ok. He was very wary after that but,obviously, that wasn't the way to learn. So I don't think you can say OP's in laws weren't supervising him; they got him out quickly enough and I'm sure they were shaken too.

If OP is insisting on a cover/fence (reasonably) it would probably move things quicker if they sourced it and offered to pay.