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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

208 replies

Dazzband · 18/04/2021 11:33

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
GrandDuchessRomanov · 18/04/2021 11:34

If it was a one off yes YABU.

spotcheck · 18/04/2021 11:36

Was it his turn to have a lie in? If so, then yes.
However, there is no need to swear at you.

TidyDancer · 18/04/2021 11:36

I think YABU tbh. What did you need help with? How much overtime did he do?

Warsawa31 · 18/04/2021 11:38

If he worked 6 days prob wouldn't have hurt to let him have a lay in to be honest.

If he swore at you but dropped it rather than sulking etc then it's over and done with - no ones perfect and it's not a massive deal unless it's a regular occurrence. Some people swear at each other some don't and it's up to you if it's something you draw a line at

imalmostthere · 18/04/2021 11:41

Yabu, he's probably knackered and needed the sleep

AmyLou100 · 18/04/2021 11:41

What was the overtime hours on Saturday?

VettiyaIruken · 18/04/2021 11:41

If he spent the night on the sofa then yanbu. Wake him up and pack him off to bed rather than tiptoe around the living room.

If you woke him up from bed then yabu.

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/04/2021 11:43

10am is a major lay in!

On of us gets up at 5.30-6 and the other has a lay in til 7ish!

Topseyt · 18/04/2021 11:44

Do you mean that he was still asleep on the sofa at 10am? If so then you weren't unreasonable to wake him.

It would have been unreasonable of him to expect you and your DDs to tiptoe around him in the living room.

KFleming · 18/04/2021 11:45

If he was on the sofa he can’t expect to not be woken up.
If he’d worked late and was asleep in bed then that’s different.

Brieminewine · 18/04/2021 11:45

Yep YABU, if he’s worked six days including overtime I would let him sleep as late as he likes. What did you actually need help with? If it was something trivial I don’t blame him for being pissed off with you!

MrBond · 18/04/2021 11:45

He was on the sofa? YANBU. You and the kids can't be expected to tiptoe around him all morning.

To my mind, YANBU even if he was in bed tbh, depending on the ages of the DDs. Our entire family gets up at 05:30 on weekdays, every weekday. Ten is a reasonable lie-in in my book, if you've got small children. When is your break?

Fatladyslim · 18/04/2021 11:46

Ooh I would have been mega pissed off if dp had woken me this morning from my 1 lay in after the work week I have had! YABU

someoneiou · 18/04/2021 11:46

He wakes up at 5.30 every morning for work? Jeez, give the guy a break.

If it was a regular thing, then that's a different story.

AmyandPhilipfan · 18/04/2021 11:47

I have this a lot and I do seethe about it a bit - when my husband has a day off he often stays in bed until 12 leaving me to deal with 3 kids. Well, two are 12+ so only the 3 year old really but even so. Last week he’d been up late watching wrestling so I let him sleep in as he worked long days. But at 1pm I woke him up and told him that there’s having a lie in and there’s taking the piss and he was completely taking the piss staying in bed that long. Fortunately he did feel a bit guilty at sleeping that late! He does work 12 hour shifts so I cut him a bit of slack but I do think he could make the effort to get up a bit earlier on his days off!

But, I think if your husband gets up that early every day of the week plus did overtime on Saturday then I’d have left him until at least midday. He probably is quite sleep deprived and if I’m honest I’m always grumpy if I’m woken up from a deep sleep so it’s not great he swore at you but I’d put it down to extreme tiredness as long as it’s not a regular occurrence.

rainbowthoughts · 18/04/2021 11:47

I'm assuming he wasn't still on the sofa as OP said she woke him specifically to help with the DC, not because he was in the way.

I always left DH to sleep, even when we were both working because his hours and shifts were awful and he didn't get anywhere near enough sleep. That's said, if I needed help with the SC and woke him, he would just get up and help.

There are too many variables here though.

Do you also work? How old are the children? Do you need help with them all the time? Is this a situation you could have managed alone but just woke him up anyway?

SpnBaby1967 · 18/04/2021 11:47

Hes on the sofa in, I presume, an area which you & the kids will be wanting to use without fear of disturbing him. If you hadnt woken him up I figure the noise from kids etc would have woken him up sooner or later anyway so YANBU.

allaboutthecrisps · 18/04/2021 11:48

Without knowing more it's hard to say. Is the sofa somewhere out of the way? Did you wake him as you needed the only lounge for the DD to play in or was there an alternative? How much sleep has he had this week? Why did you need help with the DD?

Macncheeseballs · 18/04/2021 11:48

It's not acceptable to swear at you, what a tosser

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2021 11:50

The OP didn't wake him up because they were making normal everyday noise, she woke him up to help with the DDs.

OP, I suppose it depends on what you needed help with and if it was really necessary.

MissyB1 · 18/04/2021 11:51

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week. His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids.

Anyway can’t bear anyone swearing at their partner especially over something so trivial. It’s an aggressive behaviour in my book, I wouldn’t tolerate it. He would be getting a very sharp clear warning from me.

LubaLuca · 18/04/2021 11:51

YABU. You should have left him to sleep. I would be very pissed off of my husband woke me to help do something that he's perfectly capable of doing himself. I swear when I'm pissed off.

rainbowthoughts · 18/04/2021 11:54

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week.

It's not a competition here. Some people function better with more/less sleep then others. Your DH isn't indicative of every persons sleep needs.

His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids

No, he is not wrong. However when there is another adult present you are allowed to sleep.

imissthe90s · 18/04/2021 11:55

YABU. I'd be annoyed if I had a lie in for the first time in ages and was woken up for something the other parent could easily handle by themselves.

YANBU if it was constantly every weekend.

MrBond · 18/04/2021 11:55

@MissyB1

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week. His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids.

Anyway can’t bear anyone swearing at their partner especially over something so trivial. It’s an aggressive behaviour in my book, I wouldn’t tolerate it. He would be getting a very sharp clear warning from me.

This