DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

[Dazzband]

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

[Melodieunchained]

HWBU to swear at you
YWBU to not let him sleep on

[imamearcat]

Fuck that, yanbu OP. Since when is 10.30 not a lie in??

[Clymene]

Men's sleep is much more important than anything else. Obviously the whole family should tiptoe around so that the man can sleep

[KatieMarina]

YANBU

Why is everyone alright with a husband who would swear at his wife for asking for help with their children? He's an adult. If he wanted to go back to sleep he should have done after. Or just told you he was too tired to help. No need for him to be hostile about it.

[DenisetheMenace]

No excuse for swearing at you, end of.

[Happinesscomesfromwithin]

I would of been pissed of too. His only day for a lie in. You are being unreasonable.

[HerMammy]

How do you get chores done the rest of the week when he’s not there? Do you sit immobile with child in your lap?
Getting fed up of all the posts from ppl incapable of doing basic things without their OH to assist them.

[KatieMarina]

@HerMammy

How do you get chores done the rest of the week when he’s not there? Do you sit immobile with child in your lap?
Getting fed up of all the posts from ppl incapable of doing basic things without their OH to assist them.

Maybe she struggles the rest of the week and thought it would be good to be able to do the chores with a bit less hassle while her husband was at home?
You're getting fed up of people expecting their husbands to help out with the kids? How many women do you think go to work and still end up going home and doing stuff for the kids, doing chores and never getting a lay in? Why do we expect it from mum's but God forbid a dad sit with his kids for a couple of hours so mum can get housework done? It's not like she got him up so she could go sit and watch TV.
If you're fed up of women being incapable of doing things without their husbands assistance, wait until you find out how many men out there will ring their wives to go home from nipping to the shops because the baby is crying. You'll be filled with anger.

[NiceGerbil]

I think sleep is important. I love sleep.

DH works shifts and after 7 days on earlies he is knackered.

Irritatingly he prefers to sleep on the sofa in the day. I say nap in bed. He likes being with people or something. .

I don't wake him up.

I also don't tiptoe around him if he's conked out in our main room.

Do you get enough rest?
Does he pull his weight with the kids?

Shouting at you and calling you selfish is out of order.

[NiceGerbil]

He never wakes me either.

If I'm in bed then I'm in bed.

He gets up and does the stuff.

Depends on the whole context of the relationship.

Chores though? What chores? I would leave it if dh was conked out.

Why he won't go to bed I don't know.

I've had a few relationships and IME men are weird about going to bed.

One ex who had a manual job and got up v early would literally lie on the floor and go flat out snoring rather than go to bed before me. Every sodding night.

Do loads of men have FOMO or some weird macho thing about it?

[SaturdayRocks]

Oh my, I do not miss the competitive tiredness, and just general shit monotony that comes with having very small DC.

This is a big part of why we only had two, and in very quick succession. It really is not fun when they’re so small.

For what it’s worth - I would hate to be woken up when tired. And I’d also hate to be sworn at by my husband.

One day, without noticing, the sorts of shitty peripheral stuff that goes with having small children will suddenly stop happening, and life will get easier again.

[transformandriseup]

I can't get over the number of people who think just because he goes to work at 5:30am he can sleep in until god knows when and not help with the kids? My DP gets up around that time and wakes up when my DD wakes up, we both work full time, both have stressful jobs and both need to help look after our toddler.

For a one off 6 day working week it wouldn't have honestly bothered me and I would probably let DH sleep but he gets up for work much earlier than 5:30 on a work day and on Sunday mornings he is up before 8 like me with DD. I put DD to bed and get her up every morning on my work days while he misses this because of his work so it makes sense that he gets up to help on the Sunday. It's both our weekend.

[NiceGerbil]

It's what happens in the wider relationship that's important.

Is there give and take

Does OP get a sleep

Does he pull his weight

Etc

[Frownette]

I assume that this doesn't normally happen

Did he say eff off? Did he calm down once he'd come around properly? It sounds like he was shattered and stayed up late the night before to unwind. No he shouldn't swear at you, he needs to know it upset you.

Can he find a job with a shorter commute??

[stackemhigh]

He wentnto bed at 1.30am so can't complain about being tired after waking up at 10.00am. Twat.

Did he tell you to fuck off? That's unacceptable, has he apologised?

[nettie434]

YANBU because he 'went mad' when you woke him up. YANBU because it turns out he only did a couple of hours overtime on Saturday, not a full shift. YANBU because he can't complain about being tired if he stayed up until 130 on Sunday morning.

[hannayeah]

I wonder how late he thought he should get to sleep? 5 hours beyond normal seems like a pretty good deal.

[radiateforme]

I'm so glad I'm a lone parent and don't have to worry about this crap anymore. I work full time and have a 2 year old. Chores get done when they get done.

[RachelRavenRoth]

I originally thought yabu because if asleep he must have needed it. But actually he doesn't work long hours at all and his tiredness is down to choice of staying up ridiculously late.

Yanbu about the swearing at all.

[Cherrysoup]

He’s unreasonable to be sleeping on the sofa, he’s unreasonable to be sleeping til 10.30, that’s crazy, if he’d got home at 5pm the day before.

[BusyLizzie61]

I can't quite get @Dazzband why you bothered telling him to go to bed at 9am to then wake him up at 1030? Had you not done this, it wouldn't have been so unreasonable.

I think that 3.5 hours commute a day is absolutely gut wrenching exhausting on top of work. I presume you have no commute op?

[Inertia]

So it sounds like you also work, as you talk about your late shift- what are your working hours? If you’re working say 6pm to 2am five nights a week, you’re just as entitled to a lie-in. If you’re responsible for childcare 24/ 7 , you’re entitled to some off.

[HerMammy]

@KatieMarina
I think you’ve missed my point 🙄
I’m old enough and experienced enough that I am aware of useless men, I don’t need a condescending monologue from you.

[stackemhigh]

HerMammy what was your point? Sounds like you’re just making excuses for the man. I agree with KatieMarina

[LalalalalalaLand123]

We have no real idea of your division of labour - we know your DH's work schedule, and that you have 2 DC (what age is the older child?), but what is your work (outside the home) schedule? Do you ever get a lie-in? It's really difficult to say who is BU without more info.