DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

[Dazzband]

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

Cant believe some of the responses on here 'he must be exhausted after doing six shifts in a row!' Ect 😂😂 I used to go to work as a break from getting away from the young kids, that's a harder job in my opinion.

A consistent sleep pattern is good sleep health. Whatever the OP husband was going wasnt good sleep health and he likely woke up feeling groggy and irritable because of how and when he went to sleep.

I mean, I don't disagree, but I don't think adults need to have their sleeping habits policed. He was clearly tired if he'd already had nine hours sleep and needed more.

That kind of commute M-F is a killer.

H W worked Sat early, long commute then he had the kids while you were at work.

I would not have woken him up, no.

Jobs can wait if you can't get them done with the baby clinging on.

Swearing depends whether he said something like 'For Fuck Sake did you have to wake me up just do you could mop the kitchen floor?!' Or ''You fucking bitch, fuck off'

Oh diddums he was tired after a ten hour sleep after having stayed up to watch TV till 1am.

He’s a dickhead. I’d be giving kids pots and pans to bang and play with and hoovering by his head as soon as I’m up, if that’s his attitude.

He’s the selfish prick. When was your lie in OP? how often does he get up with the DC?

It’s interesting on here (as in RL) whenever a man does anything we must all praise the penis haver for barely functioning. Whereas OP is taking care of kids, holding down a job as well and doing the housework. But then apparently women should be doing it anyway as it’s amazing how some people can’t take care of their own kids (but only if you’re a woman)

I think the main problem is that you woke him at 9am and told him to go to bed, which he did. But then only an hour or so later you woke him from there and told him to get up.
If you’d just carried on your normal business at 9am downstairs he might have gradually come round and then just been “up.”
If he’d been woken up and told to go and sleep upstairs he may have only just got back to sleep when you woke him up again, which would be frustrating I suppose.
That’s without going into the rights and wrongs of lie-ins, working hours etc.

@WorraLiberty

The OP didn't wake him up because they were making normal everyday noise, she woke him up to help with the DDs.

OP, I suppose it depends on what you needed help with and if it was really necessary.

Why do you need help for two children? He seems to work very long hours and overtime, you need to be more considerate. PLease don't say that having children is a 24 hour job, the Costas will be full of buggies when they re-open!

YABU - you should have left him to sleep. The chores could have waited.

Why do you need help for two children? He seems to work very long hours and overtime, you need to be more considerate. PLease don't say that having children is a 24 hour job, the Costas will be full of buggies when they re-open!

We’re just going to ignore that fact that OP works too then? Or is her work just a silly hobby, and not real work like her husband does? 🤨

It’s interesting on here (as in RL) whenever a man does anything we must all praise the penis haver for barely functioning. Whereas OP is taking care of kids, holding down a job as well and doing the housework. But then apparently women should be doing it anyway as it’s amazing how some people can’t take care of their own kids (but only if you’re a woman)

Could you imagine the response if the op was cross at being woken up at 10.30am to 'look after' her own children as her wonderful husband had decided that he needed to do housework? He's be a Saint and the OP an unworthy slatten.

Christ on a cracker there's a weird vibe on here today!

So dh worked for 2 hours extra on a Saturday - putting himself through an extra 3 hour drive (I hope the hourly rate is worth the fuel costs!) then decided to stay up late, fall asleep on the sofa and somehow everyone thinks Op Is in the wrong?

If he was tired he should've gone to bed.

Oh and while we're at it, they're not the Op's chores. They are household chores tjat need to be shared by the resident adults.

Could you imagine the response if the op was cross at being woken up at 10.30am to 'look after' her own children as her wonderful husband had decided that he needed to do housework? He's be a Saint and the OP an unworthy slatten.

Exactly this.

No he shouldn't be cursing at you at all.

You work too and take care of the DC. You have enough sense not to stay up until 1am. It's his own fault for staying up so late.

Is there a reason you live so far away from his work?

@Dazzband

He works Mon to Fri, and travels about 1hr 45 mins each way. He starts at 8am and finishes at 3.30pm most days. Yesterday he worked 8am to 10.30am, so went in for 2hrs.

I am sometimes guilty of staying up too late at night, just watching TV or reading. I know it will make me more tired the following day but I really need that time on my own.

He shouldn't have sworn at you but you are writing your posts to make him sound bad. Saying he works Monday to Friday, but yesterday was Saturday and he worked. He travels 1 hour 45 mins, but does he drive or get a train or a lift etc.

You also said in another thread that he has asthma and when his chest was tight and painful and he had a chesty cough and was waiting for antibiotics, you moaned that he was spending his time lazing around.

Sounds like there is just general resentment here, probably on both sides.

His hours are normal work hours, do you ever get a lie in OP?

Wasting family time on a weekend because of staying awake rather than going to sleep then moaning at being women you at 10:30 is batshit.

It was very unreasonable for him to swear at you.

I would insist on an apology - there was absolutely no need to swear.

And since when has 10am not been a lie-in?

I initially said you were unreasonable but after reading all your posts, I now declare YANBU!! 10.30 is a 5 hour lie in for him, it’s plenty good enough.

Do parents actually get a lie in? Especially parents of very young children like yours. I don’t think I’ve had a lie in since my DC were born and if I’m being honest, I’d consider 10 am very late nowadays so I think he was lucky to sleep so late.

To say swearing is abuse.....what about all the swearing on here

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

Do parents actually get a lie in? Especially parents of very young children like yours. I don’t think I’ve had a lie in since my DC were born and if I’m being honest, I’d consider 10 am very late nowadays so I think he was lucky to sleep so late.

Assuming you're with the other parent, why shouldn't you be able to have a lie in of you need it? Assuming op would have mentioned if it was cos there's huge numbers of children

10.30 is not an unreasonable time to wake someone up. He should have gone to sleep earlier if he was that tired that 9 hours is not enough. Given he worked 6 days this week I gather OP hasn’t had a lie in either.

Yes YABU. He had been working, did overtime, and clearly just wanted to sleep. Any reason why you couldn't have sorted the kids out yourself and let him sleep? Did you really need help?

I wouldnt have woken him tbh he has worked a lot!

Was it worth driving 3.5 hours for 2.5 hours overtime? I don’t think I’d be doing that.

Bugger that. 5.30 isn’t an amazingly early start. And there was nothing preventing him from going to bed earlier if he was knackered. YANBU.

@Flowers24

I wouldnt have woken him tbh he has worked a lot!

Op has also worked.