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AIBU?

DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

208 replies

Dazzband · 18/04/2021 11:33

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1129 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
46%
You are NOT being unreasonable
54%
CandyLeBonBon · 18/04/2021 18:52

@Pupster21

Was it worth driving 3.5 hours for 2.5 hours overtime? I don’t think I’d be doing that.

Me neither. Must pay well or why would you do it?
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VegCheeseandCrackers · 18/04/2021 19:09

This depends on what he actually said which you haven't told us. If it was 'ffs I was tired' that's totally different to 'f off you b and don't wake me up'.
I can see from your pov that you woke him up at 10.30 so it's not like you're waking him up at 6 on his day off.
I think sometimes on here you're not allowed to say 'I'm tired' because people will then start a tiredness competition and tell you that you've no right to be tired as they are much more tired than you.

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kirinm · 18/04/2021 19:34

I can't get over the number of people who think just because he goes to work at 5:30am he can sleep in until god knows when and not help with the kids? My DP gets up around that time and wakes up when my DD wakes up, we both work full time, both have stressful jobs and both need to help look after our toddler.

For those who insist the poor man must be allowed to sleep, what time is an okay time for him to be expected to help?

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Pupster21 · 18/04/2021 19:35

@CandyLeBonBon I’m still not sure I’d make the trip for 2.5 hours.

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kirinm · 18/04/2021 19:39

@JudgeJ he doesn't work long hours. He works 8am-3:30am which is quite a short day. He has a long commute.

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LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 18/04/2021 19:44

Did he swear at you, or just swear generally?

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bluechameleon · 18/04/2021 19:54

There is no excuse for swearing at you. Unless he was actually working nights then 10am is a perfectly good lie in. You shouldn't have to parent solo all day while he sleeps, it is your weekend too.

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MrBond · 18/04/2021 20:02

@kirinm

I can't get over the number of people who think just because he goes to work at 5:30am he can sleep in until god knows when and not help with the kids? My DP gets up around that time and wakes up when my DD wakes up, we both work full time, both have stressful jobs and both need to help look after our toddler.

For those who insist the poor man must be allowed to sleep, what time is an okay time for him to be expected to help?

I agree with you.
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Bagelsandbrie · 18/04/2021 20:03

Christ. I get up at 5.30 every day to get ds aged 9 ready for school - he has complex needs and his taxi and escort arrives at 7.30 and it takes us that long to get up and ready. At the weekends I get up at 7.30/8am and that’s a lie in to me! Dh gets up weekdays at 7am for work and gets back at 7pm and wakes up at the same time as me at weekends - whoever is up first brings the other a tea (we are woken up by ds).

I cannot imagine ever swearing at my dh if he woke me up at 10am!

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kirinm · 18/04/2021 20:05

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks

Apart from when we have jetlag I dont think either me or DH has slept in past 9am - it totally ruins sleep patterns.

9am is never a lie-in in my opinion, kids or no kids.

If your kid wakes up at 6:30am every day or even 7am, 8am is a lie in.
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HalzTangz · 18/04/2021 20:07

@Dazzband

So, when I came downstairs he was asleep on the sofa. At 9am I told him to get into bed. My youngest DD is 1, and teething so I very clingy and following me everywhere at the moment. At around 10.30 I woke him up from bed because I needed to get a few chores done, which I can't do as 1 year old literally clings to my legs.
I have apologised to him now, however I really feel, that I need a bit of help with the youngest DD and can't be expected to do everything while he lays in bed.

To be honest, if I did a 6 day week with early starts I'd be a bit annoyed at being woken up twice, once at 9 then 1.5 hours later. Surely the jobs you couldn't do could have waited until he woke up. He was obviously tired to sleep like that
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HalzTangz · 18/04/2021 20:10

[quote Dazzband]@pinkiocelot amazes me how judgemental people can be[/quote]
Hardly judgemental, how do you think single parents cope, they do jobs even with clingy children

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HalzTangz · 18/04/2021 20:14

@frazzledasarock

Oh diddums he was tired after a ten hour sleep after having stayed up to watch TV till 1am.

He’s a dickhead. I’d be giving kids pots and pans to bang and play with and hoovering by his head as soon as I’m up, if that’s his attitude.

He’s the selfish prick. When was your lie in OP? how often does he get up with the DC?

It’s interesting on here (as in RL) whenever a man does anything we must all praise the penis haver for barely functioning. Whereas OP is taking care of kids, holding down a job as well and doing the housework. But then apparently women should be doing it anyway as it’s amazing how some people can’t take care of their own kids (but only if you’re a woman)

How do you know he doesn't care for the kids (OP already said he has the kids whilst she works the late shift), how do you know he doesn't do any chores either. Seems to me your a man hater that thinks all men do nothing
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BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 20:17

To be honest, if I did a 6 day week with early starts I'd be a bit annoyed at being woken up twice, once at 9 then 1.5 hours later. Surely the jobs you couldn't do could have waited until he woke up. He was obviously tired to sleep like that

He chose not to go to bed at a reasonable time. He chose to fall asleep on the sofa rather than his (assumed) comfortable bed. He chose not to go to sleep until 1.30am, despite the op being home from her own job long before that. So it's impossible to have sympathy that's his 'sleep was disturbed' when he chose to be asleep in a family area, and very limited when he still had more than average hours of sleep despite everything pointed out by the op of his own silly behaviour around sleep.

He had 9 hours, he has young children and a house that doesn't take care of itself. He doesn't have the luxury of sleeping in as long as he feels necessary, and unless he's a cat also doesn't have the luxury of sleeping wherever he feels like flopping down.

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kirinm · 18/04/2021 20:22

@HalzTangz and what is your point? She isn't a single mother is she? The other grown up who can't cope at being woken up at 10:30am is there and should be helping.

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3Britnee · 18/04/2021 20:23

Why couldn't the chores wait til later on?

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FireflyRainbow · 18/04/2021 20:31

Unless you go to work every day too YABU.

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BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 20:32

@3Britnee

Why couldn't the chores wait til later on?

Why should they? 10.30am is hardly first thing in the morning. I start on Sunday roast at that time, it requires timing and not having tiny children clinging to me, touching the oven, whinging about being hungry. I'm lucky that I have a husband, who does longer days than the op's partner, that knows a weekend goes bloody quickly when shit needs doing. He's not a morning person in the slightest either, but bloody hell I'd not be putting up with him deliberately being up half the night then whinging he'd not had enough sleep at 10.30am.
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Bearnecessity · 18/04/2021 20:47

Yes.

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soditall56 · 18/04/2021 20:48

YANBU

Teething babies are a nightmare. Mines is teething just now too

My DH a lie in one day at the weekend and gives me a lie in one day at the weekend because running around after children 24/7 maybe doesn't pay an income but is bloody exhausting! Plus 10.30 is more than a lie in when you have kids. Don't you give up those privileges when you have kids?

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soditall56 · 18/04/2021 20:53

@sloanerangerpandora

He sounds like a vile pig.I would leave him.

Would you really though? Seems a bit harsh
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MaryMow22 · 18/04/2021 20:56

Nope I wouldn't have woken him up.

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Incywincyspinsters · 18/04/2021 23:17

He worked until midday, drove home, which took nearly two hours. No one then forced him to stay up for a further nigh-on 12 hours watching tv, following on from which he had nine hours kip.

No OP, you were not being unreasonable. It’s not your fault he has a stupid commute and he’d had a ton of sleep anyway. Confused

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KingdomScrolls · 18/04/2021 23:28

It's not the few hours in work on Saturday it's the 6 consecutive very early starts plus nearly 4 hours commuting a day, 22 hours+ commuting in a week sod that. I'm assuming you work more locally? If he was doing it every week then something would need to change, but as a one off I'd think he must need it, and to wake him at 9 then again just after ten just as he was getting back to deep sleep would make anyone feel like crap.

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frazzledasarock · 18/04/2021 23:58

@HalzTangz yeah I’m a man hater 🙄 because I don’t automatically fall down in worship because a bloke goes to work and shouldn’t absolutely ever have to parent his DC during daylight hours on only ten hours sleep.

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