DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

[Dazzband]

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

He was being unreasonable by swearing

Yes Yabu.

I wish I could sleep til 10am! Are you just supposed to avoid the living room until he wakes up? If he was in bed then fair enough. Send him for a nap

I don't think yabu, he usually wakes up at 5:30am so sleeping until 10am is a bloody lie in. He is a twat for swearing at you!

What was so urgent that you needed to wake him up for? Was it something you could do yourself? I think unless an emergency then yes yabu.

No matter if he had done 48 hours straight. Swearing at your OH is abuse. Full stop. I cannot believe some poeple thing YABU. No, @Dazzband you are NOT being unreasonable. Swearing is never ok.

He fell asleep in a communal area. It was 10am ffs. That’s late. Unless we’re going to be drip fed that he worked until 5am, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

How old are your DDs and what did you need help with? Did you actually need help or did you just want him to...and are you a SAHM?
Don't like the swearing but without a bit more context it's hard to know who is unreasonable.

Swearing at your OH is abuse

Let's save the term 'abuse' for where it really matters

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week. His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids.

Genuinely can't get over this. Didn't it occur to you that, given the nature of his job, your husband might actually need more sleep than most? He's making decisions that affect people's lives!
As the stay at home parent (I'm assuming!), you should have been doing the bulk of it.

If he was asleep on the sofa still at 10am I'd have sent him off to bed. He's clearly exhausted.

@eatsleepread

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week. His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids.

Genuinely can't get over this. Didn't it occur to you that, given the nature of his job, your husband might actually need more sleep than most? He's making decisions that affect people's lives!
As the stay at home parent (I'm assuming!), you should have been doing the bulk of it.

Maybe that poster’s husband wanted to help with his children. Has that crossed your mind?

Swearing is not good but YABU to have woken him given the hours he keeps with work.

I'd have woken him last night so he could go to bed tbh, rather than tiptoe around until he woke up. And unless it was desperate I'd have coped, presumably you do when he's working 6 days a week

However that doesn't excuse him swearing at you, was in front of the kids too? Is it typical?

@Dazzband yes YABU! Why did you need help with the children? Can you not manage on your own... your DH is a hard worker and you sound precious and lazy tbh...

So, when I came downstairs he was asleep on the sofa. At 9am I told him to get into bed. My youngest DD is 1, and teething so I very clingy and following me everywhere at the moment. At around 10.30 I woke him up from bed because I needed to get a few chores done, which I can't do as 1 year old literally clings to my legs.
I have apologised to him now, however I really feel, that I need a bit of help with the youngest DD and can't be expected to do everything while he lays in bed.

Next time get the hoover out and see how he likes being woke this way! Swearing is not on op but I do have sympathy he must have been shattered by what you say his hours are it wouldn’t have hurt to just let him wake naturally unless you were desperate for the help

YABU. Send him up nicely to bed if you needed to make noise. He must have been exhausted, and waking him up on his only day off is just mean tbh. Swearing isn't great but so depends on context.

@eatsleepread

Dear me how precious some people are about sleep! My dh is a hospital Doctor, lack of sleep is a normal part of his life. He’s always helped with our kids, he did night feeds, getting up early etc regardless of how many hours he had put in that week. His opinion has always been that you don’t get to be “off duty” with kids.

Genuinely can't get over this. Didn't it occur to you that, given the nature of his job, your husband might actually need more sleep than most? He's making decisions that affect people's lives!
As the stay at home parent (I'm assuming!), you should have been doing the bulk of it.

I just realised that's probably why they get it so wrong sometimes. Perhaps my dh's doctor did the same, he made a right bodge job.

At around 10.30 I woke him up from bed because I needed to get a few chores done.

OK you are being DOUBLY unreasonable now. You woke him up from bed! It's his only day off.

Dear gawd...who cares how many shifts he’s had this week or how many hours each one of them lasted?! Sounds like OP has been Mumming 24/7...when does she get her break?! Sheesh...OP, there’s absolutely nothing in your post to indicate you’ve been unreasonable. I sincerely hope you get some rest and/or time to yourself ASAP! ♥️

Should have bolded that first bit

Where the jobs urgent?

Why send him up to bed at 9am only to wake him an hour later?

Do you normally apologise for being sworn at?

He sounds unpleasant.

Actually Yanbu. A teething 1yo is really difficult If you need to get other stuff done. What time did his overtime end?