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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH swore at me for waking him up. Was I unreasonable?

208 replies

Dazzband · 18/04/2021 11:33

DH wakes up at 5.30 am everyday to go to work. He did some overtime on Saturday. He fell asleep on the sofa last night - I woke him up at 10 am to help me with our 2 DDs. He went mad
and said I was selfish for waking him up. Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:29

Why did he sleep on the sofa rather than in bed? To be honest he was never going to wake up in a good mood when sleeping somewhere that isn't his own bed. I also think that 10.30am isn't an unreasonable time to get a person up, unless they work nights. If you have a young family then sleeping until you feel like getting up is very rarely an option for either parent.

HollowTalk · 18/04/2021 12:29

You apologised to him at 10.30? Why?

Angrypregnantlady · 18/04/2021 12:31

@Dazzband

So, when I came downstairs he was asleep on the sofa. At 9am I told him to get into bed. My youngest DD is 1, and teething so I very clingy and following me everywhere at the moment. At around 10.30 I woke him up from bed because I needed to get a few chores done, which I can't do as 1 year old literally clings to my legs. I have apologised to him now, however I really feel, that I need a bit of help with the youngest DD and can't be expected to do everything while he lays in bed.
Chores can wait. If it's not a regular behaviour then he clearly needed that sleep. If you wake someone up at 9 and they fall back to sleep, then they are very sleep deprived.

And the person who expected their hospital doctor husband to do equal work with the kids is bang out of order. No doctor should be going to hospital sleep deprived! Putting people's lives at risk.

thefirstmrsrochester · 18/04/2021 12:32

Getting to sleep until 1030am is pretty good when you have young kids, he’s the unreasonable one here.

Arrowheart · 18/04/2021 12:33

You needed to get some chores done? Yes, yabu.

rwalker · 18/04/2021 12:34

Whats desperate at 10.30 on Sunday getting up at 5.30 for work everyday then working 6 days on top of it YABU .
There a world of difference getting up early with kids and getting up early for work . You can please yourself if your watching kidd work you have no choice but to crack on .

If I was him I wouldn't be doing anymore overtime .

Original poster
Dazzband · 18/04/2021 12:35

Just to add he work up on Sat morning at 5.30am. Back home by Midday. I then went to work for my late shift. when I got home we watched TV together and I went to bed. He said he went to sleep at 1.30am.
His point is, is that he has woken up at 5.30 6 days in a row and therefore deserves a lie in.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 18/04/2021 12:36

YABVU to wake him up because you want to get chores done Hmm It’s very selfish of you.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 18/04/2021 12:36

I was pretty pissed off when my neighbour woke me at 8am on Saturday morning to ask me a trivial question after a gruelling week in the NHS, I wouldn't have sworn at her though.

BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:37

@Dazzband actually, I think it would be helpful to get a bigger picture here. What amount of hours does he work? If he's up at 5.30am, when does he leave? When is he usually home? Does he help with the children during the week at all?

What time in the morning do you get up and do you get a lie-in? Who does any night waking?

To be perfectly honest, getting up at 5.30am every day is quite early but not shockingly early in my mind. Adding 5 hours on top of that at the end of the week is utterly excessive unless he only gets under 7 hours a night sleep due to his work patterns.

BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:38

@Dazzband

Just to add he work up on Sat morning at 5.30am. Back home by Midday. I then went to work for my late shift. when I got home we watched TV together and I went to bed. He said he went to sleep at 1.30am. His point is, is that he has woken up at 5.30 6 days in a row and therefore deserves a lie in.
Mmhmmm I'm starting to wonder if this is less about him being a hard worker and more about a selfish arse who won't go to bed at an appropriate time.
Gemma2019 · 18/04/2021 12:40

Your OP says you woke him at 10.00 now you have changed it to 10.30.

So he got up at 5.30 yesterday, worked till midday then presumably looked after the kids while you were at work in the afternoon. Yeah he's probably knackered and I would have let him lie in longer.

SympathyFatigue · 18/04/2021 12:41

What was his weekly schedule

Original poster
Dazzband · 18/04/2021 12:42

He works Mon to Fri, and travels about 1hr 45 mins each way. He starts at 8am and finishes at 3.30pm most days. Yesterday he worked 8am to 10.30am, so went in for 2hrs.

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:44

@Gemma2019

Your OP says you woke him at 10.00 now you have changed it to 10.30.

So he got up at 5.30 yesterday, worked till midday then presumably looked after the kids while you were at work in the afternoon. Yeah he's probably knackered and I would have let him lie in longer.

Yes, but when does the op get a lie in? She presumably 'looked after' the children in the same manner whilst he worked, she also managed to go bed and then get up with the children despite getting up with them then going to work the previous day. Probably because she didn't decide that watching TV until the early hours was more important than sleep, then expect everyone to tip toe around her until she felt ready to get up.
GreyhoundG1rl · 18/04/2021 12:45

You woke him from his only lie in so you could get your chores done? How do you get them done when he's at work?!

BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:46

@Dazzband so he's home by 5 even day. Does he always stay up ridiculously late or does he go to bed at an appropriate time?

HollowTalk · 18/04/2021 12:47

@Angrypregnantlady Many doctors marry other doctors. Do you still think a woman shouldn't expect her husband to share the load in the house then?

BrumBoo · 18/04/2021 12:47

@GreyhoundG1rl

You woke him from his only lie in so you could get your chores done? How do you get them done when he's at work?!
Since the op works as well, presumably she gets them done when he's around to do his bit Hmm.
FlyingBurrito · 18/04/2021 12:50

I don't understand the timings at all as it doesn't seem that he worked late at all. Even if he went to sleep at 1.30am that's over 8 hours sleep

Parents of small children need to suck it up esp as he's waking the OP up at 5.30 every day.

AmyLou100 · 18/04/2021 12:53

So the actual issue is he decided to stay up very late and then kick up a fuss over that.
He went to bed at 1.30 and had a full 10 hours to sleep. He is massively unreasonable to react this way.

CharlotteRose90 · 18/04/2021 12:57

Let him have a lie in. I’d go mad if my partner woke me up after 6 early shifts to do chores. Let him sleep and do the chores later. Wow

Gemma2019 · 18/04/2021 12:58

Well it's not a full 10 hours of sleep if he went to sleep at about 1.30 and OP woke him at 9 and then again at 10. But it's never right to swear at someone in this situation.

Quartz2208 · 18/04/2021 12:59

OP I think it might have been better to set out the right information from the start

That you presumably never get a lie in because when he is working you have the children
That you worked yesterday as well
That you wanted to do chores as well.

And he fell asleep at 1:30 on the sofa

his work hours seem actually 7 hours a day - his travel is harsh though any reason for that.

Otherwise I dont think you are being that unreasonable and even if you were how it is acceptable to swear at you (presumably in front of your children)

PinkiOcelot · 18/04/2021 13:00

Amazes me on MN the people who can’t look after their own kids in their own.

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