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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to schedule visits on my time off?

214 replies

LegoVsFoot · 15/04/2021 16:40

So annoyed atm!

ExMIL asked to take toddler DC for one weekday per week, which I agreed to.

But now my ex is saying he will see DC on that day as well, not on the weekend like we normally do - which would give me no time off, because I work every weekday. (He doesn't.)

I asked MIL if she could change her day to a weekend but she is out of town every weekend, and she said it's not ex's place to make my life easier by visiting on a day that gives me a break. I said it is up to me to stand up for myself and agree to a day that works for me.

She then said I wasn't the priority, ex seeing DC was the most important thing - and I said yes, but we should both compromise to make that happen - ex doesn't agree to what doesn't suit him, so why am I expected to? There's no reason he can't visit on a weekend, he can do any day as he doesn't work on a schedule.

Now I need to decide what to do - because if I allow the midweek visit with MIL, ex will take that as his day and not visit on a weekend. So my only option is to deny the midweek visit, meaning MIL can't see DC but DH will have to see them on a weekend day - giving me one day off between work and childcare.

So what do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
VegCheeseandCrackers · 15/04/2021 16:43

YANBU at all. She's being really petty and you have no obligation to make her life any easier. Can't believe she's happy for her son to see his child less of the time!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 15/04/2021 16:47

Ugh, MILs.

She can bloody forget it then can't she? She will need to go and see her GC when he or she is with their dad. Oh, wait..

Tough shit, that's how I feel. Don't back down.

Poptart4 · 15/04/2021 16:48

Deny the weekday visit and keep the weekend with dad.

If MIL complains point out it's not your place to ensure she sees your child, that's up to her son.

Stoptalkingtome · 15/04/2021 16:49

Awful behaviour from her. I see where he gets it from tbh. Ffs. Plus, he will be doing no solo parenting at all because he will get her to do all the work. Pathetic.

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2021 16:51

Tell them it's not about time off for you. It's about dc spending quality time with his dad. Guessing ex works weekdays?

katiedidnt · 15/04/2021 16:52

She clearly doesn't like you, so why would you facilitate visits with her if it's going to negatively impact you? Stick to the weekends as agreed.

2Rebecca · 15/04/2021 16:54

Your ex should be facilitating time with his extended family not you. You and your ex decide how to share contact time. He then sorts out time for his relatives in his time

flumposie · 15/04/2021 16:54

Stick to the weekend. What a pair!

StoneofDestiny · 15/04/2021 16:57

Stick to the weekend.

Angrypregnantlady · 15/04/2021 17:08

Not your job to facilitate time with ex in laws. She can see DD on her sons time, which is at the weekend.

DD will be in school soon anyway so it's stupid doing weekday contact now when it will have to change soon.

JustSleepAlready · 15/04/2021 17:14

They are being unreasonable. Her dads visits are most important so stick to your weekend. Get something legally drawn up ASAP. I sense troubles ahead with these two...

Allwokedup · 15/04/2021 17:17

If ex spending time with DC is the priority say no to MIL taking him one day a week and keep to your weekend visits.

waitingforthenextseason · 15/04/2021 17:18

Simple. Stop the weekday visit with MIL.

Say her son will have to sort contact on his weekend day(s).

TidyDancer · 15/04/2021 17:20

I think you have to say no to the weekday. Sounds like this might've been the plan all along from them, for him to get away with not supporting you.

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/04/2021 17:22

Yup also saying stop the mid day visit and she can see GC when ex has them.

You’ve been kind and they’ve taken advantage

Merryoldgoat · 15/04/2021 17:34

Stop the visits with MIL - her son can sort it during his contact time.

I praise the lord I have the PIL that I do.

Chickychickydodah · 15/04/2021 17:38

Just stop the midweek visit and if she asks why then tell her the truth.

Pinkdelight3 · 15/04/2021 17:45

Bloody hell, how about her son being an actual parent?? Never mind 'time off' for you - he gets 6 days a week of time off at the moment and if his visit is while MIL is in charge, he'll have 7 days off parenting! No fucking way. Spell it out to her as she's clearly thick. If she wants the mid-week visit, her son still has to cover the weekend day. If he doesn't, then no mid-week visit. Non-negotiable and do not be pushed around!

MzHz · 15/04/2021 17:47

@Poptart4

Deny the weekday visit and keep the weekend with dad.

If MIL complains point out it's not your place to ensure she sees your child, that's up to her son.

It’s harsh- but 100% fair
Chloemol · 15/04/2021 17:49

I just find it very sad that the father only wants to see his child one day a week, and his mother agrees with him

I would just stop the mid week visits

gumball37 · 15/04/2021 17:50

@Poptart4

Deny the weekday visit and keep the weekend with dad.

If MIL complains point out it's not your place to ensure she sees your child, that's up to her son.

100%
WaterBottle123 · 15/04/2021 17:50

Ask her if it's difficult bearing the shame of having a son who's clearly a crap father and if she'd like some parenting advice?

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 15/04/2021 17:50

I'd stop the midweek visits. Party my because I'd think 'fuck you' and also because if she's that way towards you I wouldn't want her in DD's life anymore than I could possibly prevent.

'Time off' ask the stupid cow if she thinks you conceived DD on your own & why she thinks her previous shouldn't actually look after his child.

FMD.

autumnboys · 15/04/2021 17:52

Another one today I would stop the midweek visits. What a delightful pair they sound.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 15/04/2021 17:52

Is MIL suggesting she see DC in lieu of childcare whilst you are at work? In which case I would just use the excuse that it doesn't work for you as you need solid childcare in place and she won't be as she may be ill etc.

Ofcourse 'No' is a complete sentence too. DDs dad has her one weekend day and it makes a huge difference, I can blitz the house, go shopping and relax leaving me rested for the other 6 days

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