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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t take her anywhere

211 replies

Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 15:53

My toddler Dd-2, 8.
Had a lovely start to the morning, Easter egg hunt with another couple friends and their toddler Ds. All going ok but towards the end, she was acting like a spoilt brat, snatching hitting, all ending in a complete meltdown where I had to physically restrain her and take her to the car 😪she was tired and it had been a busy morning, but this is the second time it’s happened with our friends, never did when she was little. Felt so embarrassed but also sad for my Dd as she was just so out of control. She’s a very sweet girl generally when not overtired but this behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Worried for when she starts nursery and if she’ll be ‘That’ child. No idea where I’m going wrong, I’m an early years teacher but a Sahm with her at the moment, she’s really bright and definitely has character, but this morning just left me feeling humiliated and sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 15:54

Is it normal? Her meltdown/tantrum was off the scale, she couldn’t control herself and when we got her in the house was hitting doors etc. Took me a while to just calm her right down. Is this a sign of an issue?

OP posts:
forcryingoutlouder · 04/04/2021 16:02

I can totally relate, as soon as my DD turned two she was the exact same. A few occasions where she got herself in such a state I felt like crying myself.
I presume it's completely normal and just a developmental thing where she is trying to communicate her wants/ needs and because she is quite intelligent she knows what she wants and just can't let you know properly. Also, my DDs big back teeth which started as soon as she was 2 seemed to make a huge difference in her behaviour, it must be really painful for them.
Plus, working out how to socialise with different people all over again is going to be overwhelming, especially with the excitement of chocolate at Easter... sounds like a combination of lots of things.
Try to keep calm, everyone your with will understand and just try and ride it out. My motto is.. Everything's 'just a phase'

Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:11

@forcryingoutlouder She just didn’t act very nice at all and my friends Ds was so sweet, she was saying it was hers and getting really upset when I was saying it wasn’t etc, she just wasn’t having any of it. It honestly felt like she was the brattish, awful child 😪she’s able to communicate really well, her vocabulary is pretty advanced we’ve been told( feel twatty saying that, but her speech is really good) she’s not napping/sleeping well at all for weeks recently and we think her teeth might be part of it too (last ones at this age apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️)
I just feel humiliated as she’s taught fine and time again not to hit, to share, to say please and thank you etc.
My Dp was shocked as he’s never seen her like that and was cross and saying it wasn’t normal, whilst I was just trying to be calm with her (when we were back home) and letting her calm herself down) she’s now still sleeping so tonight she probably won’t. Just not sure what to do.
My friend hasn’t texted or anything, I can imagine the conversation between them both on the way home. My Dd was generally always the easy, good one 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:11

*Time and time

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/04/2021 16:13

Was she overdue a nap?

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 16:13

Everyone has bad days, especially an over tired toddler. Sounds pretty normal to me.

weightedblanketlove · 04/04/2021 16:13

You said it yourself - she was tired and had a busy morning. She had reached her limit.

Some kids are like this, my eldest was at that age. She could manage about 2 hours for a playdate / playgroup etc and then started playing up. We managed it by watching carefully for if she was tiring and making our exit. I'd warn people in advance and friends often saw the demon in action if we overran. They saw we needed to leave and were fine with that.

She still has her moments if tired, but has way more stamina these days. Dragging her away from friends is the hard part! Our youngest is not like this at all.

You have to work with the child you have. It will get better.

OscarWildesCat · 04/04/2021 16:15

Sounds pretty normal for an overstimulated 2 year old. Been there, older now (11 and 14) and no tantrums for a long time.

weightedblanketlove · 04/04/2021 16:18

Op looking at your posts i would also say take a look at why you were so embarrassed. You say you are an early years teacher but use 'that child' and 'bratty.

I would expect you to be able to look beyond that behaviour to what is going on underneath. Do you apply the same at work and label children spoiled?

I work with kids and there is always a reason behind the behaviour - tiredness/ fear etc.

Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:19

@weightedblanketlove With hindsight we should have left earlier and will have to look out for the very early signs now. Was yours just downright rude though? Can’t believe she tried to hit him and was grabbing all his things

OP posts:
Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 16:20

@weightedblanketlove

Op looking at your posts i would also say take a look at why you were so embarrassed. You say you are an early years teacher but use 'that child' and 'bratty.

I would expect you to be able to look beyond that behaviour to what is going on underneath. Do you apply the same at work and label children spoiled?

I work with kids and there is always a reason behind the behaviour - tiredness/ fear etc.

I was thinking that too, mine DS always used to behave his worst the day before coming down with something too.
Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:20

@weightedblanketlove No of course I wouldn’t, but that’s the only way I could feel to describe her and I know that’s awful to say 😪she was really very not nice

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 04/04/2021 16:21

A tantrum can be stopped in its tracks by giving the child what they want.

A meltdown is complete overwhelm and the only way to stop it is for the child to process all of that overwhelm themselves. Different children react within a meltdown differently, some like a strong reassuring cuddle as it makes them feel secure, some feel any sort of touch on top of everything else only adds to their distress but they may like to be in a calm room with low lighting and no or only very soft sounds.

Just keep an eye on her over time, work out if it's tantrums that are typical of the Terrible Twos, or if it's meltdowns caused by external factors like over-stimulation, her strongly negative reactions to sensory stimulii or her not understanding what she's supposed to be doing, in which case try now and next, or now, next and then instructions and explanations of what's happening in her day.

CoRhona · 04/04/2021 16:21

Had she had chocolate? Was it a reaction to the sugar along with being tired?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/04/2021 16:21

Toddlers/small children aren't nice when they're tired.

Hell, I'm 32 and I can be a right cow when I need some sleep!

Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:21

@weightedblanketlove I’m aware there’s always a reason. Please don’t bash me as I really just wanted advice. I obviously love my girl to bits but am exhausted with the behaviour and trying my very best

OP posts:
Notavegan · 04/04/2021 16:22

I'd probably take a pram and force her into it if similar things happen.

Hoohaahoo · 04/04/2021 16:22

Sounds like she was tired and overwhelmed, it doesn’t sound like anything out of the ordinary.

My DS would get like that, we found out he had adhd as he grew up. It means that events like that overwhelm his senses and he just doesn’t know how to chill himself. I’m not saying your DD has adhd as she’s far too young to tell!

As she gets older you’ll learn to spot the warning signs of when she’s had enough and needs a chill out.
Ignore any judgemental looks, there will always be those perfect parents who have perfect kids.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 04/04/2021 16:23

Relax. This is normal behaviour. Folders are emotionally incontinent. They learn to regulate their emotions as they grow and learn from those around them.

Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 16:24

@CoRhona She’d had only a small amount as I was really wary of her having too much so barely gave any. But it definitely could be a contributing factor too.
Never seen her that bad, now I feel I handled it the wrong way and was likely judged 😪

OP posts:
UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 04/04/2021 16:24

They don't call them the terrible twos for nothing Grin She's not old enough to be rude or badly behaved. I wouldn't have thought anything of it if I was your friend.

Definitely remove her in future before it gets too bad; don't try to hang around for your own sakes till she gets overtired because it'll just get messy. And don't worry about it, it's perfectly normal.

weightedblanketlove · 04/04/2021 16:24

@Heyupeasterbunny I think you are being harsh on her. I've seen hitting rudeness in my child when tired and plenty of others at work and friends kids. It's pretty standard for a child who is struggling to regulate for one reason or another.

Throw in prolonged isolation from other children with covid and the excitement of chocolate and tbh I would expect it!

It is embarrassing and can make you question what you are doing wrong but it's so common.

I really think you should look at why you feel so embarrassed by this.

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 16:25

[quote Heyupeasterbunny]@weightedblanketlove I’m aware there’s always a reason. Please don’t bash me as I really just wanted advice. I obviously love my girl to bits but am exhausted with the behaviour and trying my very best[/quote]
I’m confused by this as you say your DD was always the easy one?

MaLarkinn · 04/04/2021 16:25

Your friends won't be judging op, they'll just be glad it wasn't their child Flowers

FusionChefGeoff · 04/04/2021 16:25

Definitely too tired / over stimulated.

It's a pain in the arse but when they're this age it's just not worth the extra half hour with your friends or whatever. Visits will have to be kept short for now until she's more able to cope.

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