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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t take her anywhere

211 replies

Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 15:53

My toddler Dd-2, 8.
Had a lovely start to the morning, Easter egg hunt with another couple friends and their toddler Ds. All going ok but towards the end, she was acting like a spoilt brat, snatching hitting, all ending in a complete meltdown where I had to physically restrain her and take her to the car 😪she was tired and it had been a busy morning, but this is the second time it’s happened with our friends, never did when she was little. Felt so embarrassed but also sad for my Dd as she was just so out of control. She’s a very sweet girl generally when not overtired but this behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Worried for when she starts nursery and if she’ll be ‘That’ child. No idea where I’m going wrong, I’m an early years teacher but a Sahm with her at the moment, she’s really bright and definitely has character, but this morning just left me feeling humiliated and sad.

OP posts:
pointythings · 04/04/2021 17:08

She sounds normal to me. In the nicest way possible, I think you have unrealistic expectations on what she 'should' be like, based on what other children her age are like. They're all different. My two were easy as pie at your DD's age, and were absolute devil children for a while at 4. For now, just watch like a hawk for the tired cues, keep a good evening routine and this too shall pass.

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 17:09

@Scissor

Aw thank you *@weightedblanketlove*

Everything built in now stands you in excellent stead for teenage years when they just start doing all the same again.

My eldest threw a suitcase at me in Kings Cross age 18 when we'd had a wonderful weekend away in Paris.

On reflection she was very overtired, had been very excited for 3 solid days and 20 minutes before had said she was hungry. As near to zero reaction as possible and a small fortune spent in M&S Food Hall and peace was restored.

They don't change much just improve stamina as so many wise people have said.

I can't believe you've come on a toddler tantrum thread to tell us how your brat of an 18 year old got physical with you, and was placated by having a small fortune spent on her. Are you actually taking the piss?
Abouttimemum · 04/04/2021 17:10

DS aged 2 lost his shit today because I broke his Easter egg up into little pieces to put in his bowl and he wanted it put back together. I say it’s fairly normal, especially when they’re tired. 95% of the time he’s no bother, 5% of the time he’s a tired and emotional mess.
Their brains are trying to process and understand a significant amount of information and overwhelming new feelings.

Didiplanthis · 04/04/2021 17:13

Your friends won't be judging you they will a) be hoping you are ok and b) be quietly glad it was yours not theirs.

Also they will have forgotten by tomorrow. I can STILL feel the shame, and despair of carrying 2 screaming, kicking writhing 2.5 yr old twins one under each arm out of a very busy attraction.. I must have passed 100 people, 99 of which stared and tutted, ONE asked if I was OK.. I'm pretty sure the 99 who stared will have forgotten by the next 'feature' of the attraction. I bet the only one that remembers is the lovely one who tried to help and didn't judge me. My boys are now 9 ! Also my DC that was very tricky about 2 turned into the calmest loveliest child by 4....

GojiberryStar · 04/04/2021 17:16

I read your OP that she was your DD2 aged 8.

You would be right. That behaviour is wouldn't be ok

Aged two... totally normal. Two year olds aren't known for regulating their emotions.

Especially on an exciting day, chocolate etc.

I'd honestly and kindly suggest you lower your standards a little for her. Accept the tantrums. Hold her tell her it will be ok. It will pass.

bert3400 · 04/04/2021 17:17

Have you checked her diet. All my kids suffer from low blood sugar, which comes out in various degrees. My youngest would lash out. It normally happens about 1.5 hours having a certain type of sugar. We have narrowed it down to fructose but some sugars seem to make his behaviour worse than others . It normally comes after physical activity...then he has a massive sugar crash. Giving something to eat fruit or savory ..sorts him out . Both me & DH suffer as well, if we eat certain sugars but ours comes out in shaking and vacant . I think kids diet has a lot to answer for behaviour sometimes, there is so much hidden sugar in food and then they crash and don't understand what is going on . I do sympathise, it's a tricky situation

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 17:18

@Scissor

Aw thank you *@weightedblanketlove*

Everything built in now stands you in excellent stead for teenage years when they just start doing all the same again.

My eldest threw a suitcase at me in Kings Cross age 18 when we'd had a wonderful weekend away in Paris.

On reflection she was very overtired, had been very excited for 3 solid days and 20 minutes before had said she was hungry. As near to zero reaction as possible and a small fortune spent in M&S Food Hall and peace was restored.

They don't change much just improve stamina as so many wise people have said.

I’m sorry but you’re adult child basically assaulting you is in no way similar to an over tired over stimulated two year old throwing a tantrum. I’m sorry she did that to you. But it’s a very different thing when an adult attacks.

Op, id not let her sleep much longer, it’s just making it worse really. Also I get the embarrassment, you felt judged, but she’s only two and she won’t remember her last play date and today was just too over whelming for her,

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:19

@Bluntness100

Agree.

Yes. Is she 8 or 2? I was confused. But thought people had said she was 2

If she’s 8. That’s slightly different.

correctprocedure · 04/04/2021 17:22

My two could be like this if tired at that age and it was embarrassing. I remember feeling panicked if we had plans with friends and trying desperately to get them to sleep in the car beforehand so they'd be on good form when they saw friends as if they were tired they were way too unpredictable. I'm sure your friends know what toddlers can be like and I'm sure their ds has his moments too. Have a checklist before meeting friends in future and make sure she's had a sleep and plenty to eat and drink and if teething a bit of calpol.bonjela as tiredness, hunger, thirst and pain seem to be triggers for bad behaviour in toddlers.

viques · 04/04/2021 17:22

[quote Lorieandrews]@Bluntness100

Agree.

Yes. Is she 8 or 2? I was confused. But thought people had said she was 2

If she’s 8. That’s slightly different.[/quote]
The OP talks about her starting nursery. I think she is two coming up to three in a couple of months.

TonTonMacoute · 04/04/2021 17:22

Sounds very normal for that age!

I second the 'hangry' diagnosis. DS's mood would deteriorate very quickly when he was hungry and I used to take 'sensible' sacks everywhere with us.

Slices of malt loaf, little marmite sandwiches, yogurt covered banana
chips. A bit of food when the temper starts wavering really helps, even if it just keeps them going until you get them home!

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 17:22

She's 1.8, I think.

Billandben444 · 04/04/2021 17:23

I'd gently wake her up now with lots of cuddles and then get back into your normal evening routine - she might not be ready for bed at the usual time but keep it all very boring and low key. She just had a little blip and was overtired - you're a great mum so don't beat yourself up 💐

emmathedilemma · 04/04/2021 17:23

She sounds like a normal two year old to me! Not to mention one who's spent half her life in lockdown so has missed out on a lot of socialising type activities she would probably have experienced.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/04/2021 17:23

2 years 8 months I believe, rather than OP's second daughter aged 8.

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 17:25

Sorry; 2.8. So coming up to three.

She won't be doing it at 18, op, honestly Smile That sort of spoiled bratishness is thankfully very rare.

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:25

@viques

Thought so. Thank you

Scissor · 04/04/2021 17:31

Not helpful @GreyhoundG1rl as I was explaining that was a complete one off so back off with the passive aggressive criticism that my child is a spoilt brat. That level of ignorant judgement is exactly what is upsetting the OP no matter what age our children.

Really not a pleasant way to attack others backhandedly when they are trying to help

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:35

@Scissor

But she’s 18.....she can say she’s hungry. Surely?

GreyhoundG1rl · 04/04/2021 17:37

@Scissor

Not helpful *@GreyhoundG1rl* as I was explaining that was a complete one off so back off with the passive aggressive criticism that my child is a spoilt brat. That level of ignorant judgement is exactly what is upsetting the OP no matter what age our children.

Really not a pleasant way to attack others backhandedly when they are trying to help

You didn’t explain at all clearly that the behaviour was a “one off”, actually. You said: teenage years when they just start doing all the same again.

They don't change much just improve stamina as so many wise people have said.
Nothing to suggest that bad behaviour was (or that you expected it to be) a one off 🤷🏻‍♀️

Scissor · 04/04/2021 17:38

She did, I hadn't listened and had marched ahead, she trailed behind for about 20 minutes and then got overwhelmed.

MY FAULT FOR NOT LISTENING TO HER

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 17:39

I get low blood sugar and it makes me angry, I’ve never thrown something at anyone though.

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 17:40

@Scissor

She did, I hadn't listened and had marched ahead, she trailed behind for about 20 minutes and then got overwhelmed.

MY FAULT FOR NOT LISTENING TO HER

She’s 18!!!!
Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:42

@Scissor

So she threw a suitcase at you?!?

I’m sorry. I can’t wrap my head around why she didn’t just say

Mum. Please. I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.

I can tell you if I’d throw a suitcase at my mum because of hunger. She wouldn’t of been so forgiving. My gosh.

I just don’t agree that that is ok. I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s not in my mind ok.

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 17:43

[quote Lorieandrews]@Scissor

So she threw a suitcase at you?!?

I’m sorry. I can’t wrap my head around why she didn’t just say

Mum. Please. I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.

I can tell you if I’d throw a suitcase at my mum because of hunger. She wouldn’t of been so forgiving. My gosh.

I just don’t agree that that is ok. I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s not in my mind ok.[/quote]
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