I can’t take her anywhere

[Heyupeasterbunny]

My toddler Dd-2, 8.
Had a lovely start to the morning, Easter egg hunt with another couple friends and their toddler Ds. All going ok but towards the end, she was acting like a spoilt brat, snatching hitting, all ending in a complete meltdown where I had to physically restrain her and take her to the car 😪she was tired and it had been a busy morning, but this is the second time it’s happened with our friends, never did when she was little. Felt so embarrassed but also sad for my Dd as she was just so out of control. She’s a very sweet girl generally when not overtired but this behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Worried for when she starts nursery and if she’ll be ‘That’ child. No idea where I’m going wrong, I’m an early years teacher but a Sahm with her at the moment, she’s really bright and definitely has character, but this morning just left me feeling humiliated and sad.

@Scissor sorry but 18 is an adult unless have sen etc
My son is 17 and I would go ballistic if he threw something at me just because he was tired or hungry , might expect snappiness but thats it
The op child is 2 , unable to understand her emotions properly and still learning ,

I am really surprised any one would post that an eighteen tear old can behave like a toddler on reading a posts where someone was physically assaulted.

It is not the normal for adults or teens to assault their parents and throw things at them, irs not the norm for them to do it to anyway. Yes violent teens ans adults exist but that’s not the norm or anything similar to a two year old throwing a tantrum. And it is disturbing to think anyone is being abused like this and thinking it’s normal. It’s not.

Op if I was your friend I would probably just be thinking glad it wasn't mine and as long as you intervened etc would have no issue
I would have issues with parents who just stood by and let their child hit or snatch etc
My friends ds was a nightmare when little ( she is a lovely 15 yr old now) she used to snatch of my ds etc , but friend always stepped in and she learnt and her and my ds were best friends growing up once they hit 3/4

OP fwiw I suspect shrivelled didn’t mean to be unkind. It’s only now... years later and with a 5 year old with sen that I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time worrying about what people think. When I’ve posted about DS a lot of people tell me often v bluntly to stop fretting about other people. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s the right message. I actually think it’s a good message in life generally . FIL with dd and no other kids in the family used to ask why she was behaving like this etc etc and I’d be mortified. With the great benefit of hindsight I’d now say cos she’s 2 ffs. . X

OP, her behaviour isn't nice but it is normal. I think you are being so hard on yourself precisely because you are an early years teacher: "I can teach and manage other people's children, so why can't I do that with my own?" is probably going through your mind a lot. This is also normal!

But, everyone knows that kids have rubbish days and that parents can't control everything. We can control quite a lot, which makes sudden losses of control like that all the more jarring.

The phrase terrible twos was coined for a reason.

Toddlers are rude, demanding and completely unreasonable.

Don't beat yourself up and I would hope that if your friends are true friends they won't be judging you. Another factor could be how little time she's probably spent with other people. My Lo is only 18 months but seeing different people this weekend he's definitely had his moments especially when tired (I'm sure this is only going to get worse the older he gets!) I always try to remind myself they're learning how to process their emotions over things and if they don't understand how they're feeling it can come out as a tantrum or full blown meltdown. I know how hard it is to keep calm in those situations though!

Hi OP,

I'm told I was a big tantrummer aged 2. I grew out of it by 4. Did well at school, lots of lovely friends, and now I'm a Cambridge graduate doctor in my 30's, happily married with children.

My sister was a golden child aged 2, but struggled all the way through school. The poor soul really struggles with mental health issues and alcoholism, and has only recently managed a reasonably steady life, but is unable to work.

The moral of the story: many children are emotional terrors aged 2. It has no bearing on how they will turn out. Manage it as best you can. Set consistent firm boundaries about the important stuff, and try to give yourself a break if it doesn't always go to plan.

You'll be fine, you're doing a great job :)

[quote Heyupeasterbunny]@chillijamjam Thank you, that’s really kind 💜

@Shrivelled Not so kind.[/quote]
@Heyupeasterbunny

Why was the post from @Shrivelled 'not so kind' !?

It was factual and clear. It didn't berate you. Just suggested you focus on your child's needs as explained why.

Honesty if you wanted sympathy posts like chilli jam then don't post in AIBU.

I've been in your shoes with bells on. Along side severe MH issues at the time and divorce. Was all over the place. I know it's bloody awful dealing with kids that age, especially if they've only just started with that kind of behaviour.

A post like shrivelled would have provided me insight at that time. I'd be taking it onboard not being upset over it.

Ps. Your post stood out as you directly compared two replies.

It was unfair on shrivelled.

Good luck with it. You may need it!! Mine worst toddler is now 8 and still has very 'difficult moments' though I deal with it very differently now 😊

@GojiberryStar Ok