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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t take her anywhere

211 replies

Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 15:53

My toddler Dd-2, 8.
Had a lovely start to the morning, Easter egg hunt with another couple friends and their toddler Ds. All going ok but towards the end, she was acting like a spoilt brat, snatching hitting, all ending in a complete meltdown where I had to physically restrain her and take her to the car 😪she was tired and it had been a busy morning, but this is the second time it’s happened with our friends, never did when she was little. Felt so embarrassed but also sad for my Dd as she was just so out of control. She’s a very sweet girl generally when not overtired but this behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Worried for when she starts nursery and if she’ll be ‘That’ child. No idea where I’m going wrong, I’m an early years teacher but a Sahm with her at the moment, she’s really bright and definitely has character, but this morning just left me feeling humiliated and sad.

OP posts:
Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:43

@Fembot123

Same. Low blood sugar makes me rage. Before unconsciousness.

But I’ve never thrown anything during it. Mine can get as low as 2.1. It’s gone down to 1.5 before. I was in resus at that point though.

Grapewrath · 04/04/2021 17:44

Very normal for her age op. Sounds like she’s outside her window of tolerance- happens sooner for some than others.

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 17:44

[quote Lorieandrews]@Fembot123

Same. Low blood sugar makes me rage. Before unconsciousness.

But I’ve never thrown anything during it. Mine can get as low as 2.1. It’s gone down to 1.5 before. I was in resus at that point though.[/quote]
It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it.

AuditAngel · 04/04/2021 17:45

I always used to find when DD2 behaved worst, she was hungry and we had missed the early signs

ancientgran · 04/04/2021 17:46

@Scissor

She did, I hadn't listened and had marched ahead, she trailed behind for about 20 minutes and then got overwhelmed.

MY FAULT FOR NOT LISTENING TO HER

No people don't get a free pass on assault because they are hungry. She was really out of line and I don't think it is good to be making excuses for her. Have you ever assaulted someone because you were hungry? If she is NT I am really shocked that she'd do that, I know teenagers can be horrible, my 4 are all adult now but I've had times when they have annoyed me but getting physical with me? No way.
Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:46

@Fembot123

Yes. I just come from a family who would never dare do that. My fathers had never even raised his voice at me. Not once. I’ve never heard him shout ever.

I would never of gotten away with throwing anything at my parents. Even if I was hungry! Gosh. Nope. Can’t think that assault. Which she’s 18. So that is assault. Would ever be acceptable. That’s a dangerous territory. Because what else do you say is your fault.

Frightening

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 04/04/2021 17:46

Mine were all the same if over stimulated. It's completely normal. They can't process too much sensory information in one go.

It's a case of learning when to read the warning signs, and remove from the situation asap. It was horribly frustrating if you were out having a good time, especially having to drag older children away too. It's exactly the same with my grandchildren.

And actually, it's a good thing to start doing as they get older because they soon take on board that if they act up, they're in the car and home before they know it.

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 17:49

@Fembot123

Low blood sugar is the worst. I have the resistance now. I don’t feel it till it’s too low. Always. But yes. Low blood sugar is horrific.

Scissor · 04/04/2021 17:50

Depending on puberty those years are very toddler like in complete overwhelming emotions etc. Then you think you've nailed it and they've grown up but actually their brains are not fully developed until 20's and the same child gets overwhelmed by the same stuff they always got overwhelmed by. 3 days of me taking her to everything I love, cheapest eurostar, cheapest hotel, walked miles and we had a fab time.

All too much, she was very overtired and I was not noticing the same signs she has always given as I thought she was "grown up" by magically changing one digit in her age.

She was still at school it's not like she was actually grown up.

Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 17:52

Can we stick to the topic if possible please 🙈
She’s 2 years and 8 months..almost 3

She woke up..ish at 5 but wanted to continue sleeping, so clearly still tired. But I’ve taken her gently downstate where we’re going to have a bit of dinner and an Easter film on.

Her bedtime routine is always the same-upstairs at 7, (sometimes bath) pjs, story, lights out etc. It’s the daytime naps that seem to mess it all up. She sometimes won’t sleep then and a few days of missing them seems to mess it all up, but I can’t force her to nap in the day, I’ve tried everything.

OP posts:
DoingItMyself · 04/04/2021 17:55

Normal, absolutely normal. Give her an extra hug, on my behalf. I don't remember my last meltdown but it would have been around the age of 60. There's no rush to be completely in control of yourself.

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 17:56

@Heyupeasterbunny

Can we stick to the topic if possible please 🙈 She’s 2 years and 8 months..almost 3

She woke up..ish at 5 but wanted to continue sleeping, so clearly still tired. But I’ve taken her gently downstate where we’re going to have a bit of dinner and an Easter film on.

Her bedtime routine is always the same-upstairs at 7, (sometimes bath) pjs, story, lights out etc. It’s the daytime naps that seem to mess it all up. She sometimes won’t sleep then and a few days of missing them seems to mess it all up, but I can’t force her to nap in the day, I’ve tried everything.

Can tell you teach small kids 😂
saraclara · 04/04/2021 17:56

My eldest threw a suitcase at me in Kings Cross age 18 when we'd had a wonderful weekend away in Paris.

On reflection she was very overtired, had been very excited for 3 solid days and 20 minutes before had said she was hungry.

WTF? Your second para talks as if she was 3 or 4. An 18-year-old doesn't get away with 'oh, she's overtired' FFS. She's a young adult. She threw a suitcase at you? That is absolutely NOT normal, and justifying it as if she was a pre-school child is off the charts weird.

SionnachGlic · 04/04/2021 17:57

I'd have woken her if she was sleeping too long mid-day unless it is not an issue for you that she is up later this eve. Soon ypu'll be able to bargain with her & teach her impulse control... so 'If you can share nicely with Ben, we'll watch a nice cartoon when we get home'... or some such. Of course you must stick to your guns & not give in. It is kind of go or die when it gets to that stage & they can sense any kind of weakness. And don't be embarassed...she is only little...people understand & as others said...thankful it's your DD's turn today & not theirs !!

SionnachGlic · 04/04/2021 17:57

*do or die!

clarepetal · 04/04/2021 17:59

If she hasn't been sleeping well then I would take this as her not being able to cope because she is tired.
It's still shit and hard work,but not her fault or yours Flowers

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 18:00

@Scissor

Depending on puberty those years are very toddler like in complete overwhelming emotions etc. Then you think you've nailed it and they've grown up but actually their brains are not fully developed until 20's and the same child gets overwhelmed by the same stuff they always got overwhelmed by. 3 days of me taking her to everything I love, cheapest eurostar, cheapest hotel, walked miles and we had a fab time.

All too much, she was very overtired and I was not noticing the same signs she has always given as I thought she was "grown up" by magically changing one digit in her age.

She was still at school it's not like she was actually grown up.

It’s unacceptable however you pose it and for you to treat her and then blame yourself, it’s bizarre.
Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 18:00

I mean, should I text my friend to apologise? Dp says Dd was quite mean to their Ds 😬
She hasn’t texted me...🤷🏻‍♀️Or am I making too much of it

OP posts:
Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 18:01

@Fembot123

Bizarre! Incredibly

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 04/04/2021 18:01

I used to stick mine in the bath if they got beyond it but wouldn't sleep. It always seemed to help them relax.

Or lie on the floor really quietly with no noise.

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 18:01

If it makes you feel better. Then text. Up to you really.

Mylovelyhorsee · 04/04/2021 18:01

Completely normal for 2. Annoying though. Sorry op I had a bitter I know how it can be!

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 18:02

@Heyupeasterbunny

I mean, should I text my friend to apologise? Dp says Dd was quite mean to their Ds 😬 She hasn’t texted me...🤷🏻‍♀️Or am I making too much of it
Would she usually text you? Do you think it’d make you feel better? Is she a first time mum too?
Original poster
Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 18:02

@Fembot123 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️Why?

OP posts:
ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:02

@Scissor

Depending on puberty those years are very toddler like in complete overwhelming emotions etc. Then you think you've nailed it and they've grown up but actually their brains are not fully developed until 20's and the same child gets overwhelmed by the same stuff they always got overwhelmed by. 3 days of me taking her to everything I love, cheapest eurostar, cheapest hotel, walked miles and we had a fab time.

All too much, she was very overtired and I was not noticing the same signs she has always given as I thought she was "grown up" by magically changing one digit in her age.

She was still at school it's not like she was actually grown up.

Well criminal responsibility is 10 so I think by 18 they should know not to be violent. Being miserable, moody, moaning fair enough. Physical violence is another matter. She was an adult being at school doesn't change that.