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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t take her anywhere

211 replies

Heyupeasterbunny · 04/04/2021 15:53

My toddler Dd-2, 8.
Had a lovely start to the morning, Easter egg hunt with another couple friends and their toddler Ds. All going ok but towards the end, she was acting like a spoilt brat, snatching hitting, all ending in a complete meltdown where I had to physically restrain her and take her to the car 😪she was tired and it had been a busy morning, but this is the second time it’s happened with our friends, never did when she was little. Felt so embarrassed but also sad for my Dd as she was just so out of control. She’s a very sweet girl generally when not overtired but this behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Worried for when she starts nursery and if she’ll be ‘That’ child. No idea where I’m going wrong, I’m an early years teacher but a Sahm with her at the moment, she’s really bright and definitely has character, but this morning just left me feeling humiliated and sad.

OP posts:
Mylovelyhorsee · 04/04/2021 18:03

Pressed too soon. We used tactics like no no hands aren’t for hitting, hands are for clapping, waving... practice getting them to show you gentle as well. Every time she hits say no no gentle and show her gentle and she will stop eventually!

Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 18:03

[quote Heyupeasterbunny]@Fembot123 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️Why?[/quote]
The polite but firm ‘Can we stick to topic’ 😁

FannyChops · 04/04/2021 18:03

@Scissor

She did, I hadn't listened and had marched ahead, she trailed behind for about 20 minutes and then got overwhelmed.

MY FAULT FOR NOT LISTENING TO HER

I'm confused. Is this about an 18yo or a 1 year 8 month old?
Fembot123 · 04/04/2021 18:04

The OP is about a 2yr and 8 month old. The suitcase thrower was 18

FannyChops · 04/04/2021 18:05

@Heyupeasterbunny

Can we stick to the topic if possible please 🙈 She’s 2 years and 8 months..almost 3

She woke up..ish at 5 but wanted to continue sleeping, so clearly still tired. But I’ve taken her gently downstate where we’re going to have a bit of dinner and an Easter film on.

Her bedtime routine is always the same-upstairs at 7, (sometimes bath) pjs, story, lights out etc. It’s the daytime naps that seem to mess it all up. She sometimes won’t sleep then and a few days of missing them seems to mess it all up, but I can’t force her to nap in the day, I’ve tried everything.

If she's 2-3 years old I would worry too much, overexcited tired toddlers turn into banshees.

I was more concerned about the apparent 18 year old being referred to by PP!

Megasaur5keeper · 04/04/2021 18:06

Op- I too think you are being hard on yourself and your wee one. I have a Dd the same age and she's recently been similar (when tired and hungry.) As others have said, this has been a weird year for everyone; toddlers don't have the memory of seeing people to fall back on about how to behave.

I noticed you mentioned her verbal skills. Mine is a good talker too and has a good vocabulary for her age. She can express herself pretty well but it doesn't give them any extra emotional maturity- so when she can tell us what she wants and so on she's not any better than other 32 month olds for realising that 80% of her diet can't be chocolate and you can't sleep at the zoo etc. Or coping with the disappointment.

I think you know she was tired (hindsight is amazing). I feel the clock change has not helped here as this week has been epic behaviour wise.
Hope the nap does not lead to mad bedtime!

ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:06

@Heyupeasterbunny

I mean, should I text my friend to apologise? Dp says Dd was quite mean to their Ds 😬 She hasn’t texted me...🤷🏻‍♀️Or am I making too much of it
I don't think it hurts to acknowledge it. Might depend how close you are, if she's a good friend I'd be more inclined to phone her but that might be my age. If her child went through it a year ago you could maybe ask if she's got any tips?

I'm not sure why she'd text you, do you mean to commiserate or complain? I think she might think it is normal for 2 year olds, no big deal, no need to draw attention to it.

Thatwentbadly · 04/04/2021 18:07

@Heyupeasterbunny

Can we stick to the topic if possible please 🙈 She’s 2 years and 8 months..almost 3

She woke up..ish at 5 but wanted to continue sleeping, so clearly still tired. But I’ve taken her gently downstate where we’re going to have a bit of dinner and an Easter film on.

Her bedtime routine is always the same-upstairs at 7, (sometimes bath) pjs, story, lights out etc. It’s the daytime naps that seem to mess it all up. She sometimes won’t sleep then and a few days of missing them seems to mess it all up, but I can’t force her to nap in the day, I’ve tried everything.

At that age and struggling to go down to sleep I would say it’s time to try dropping the nap and see what happens.
SweetToffee · 04/04/2021 18:07

Sounds like she was excited, greedy, lost in the moment. I’d send earlier to bed for 2 nights, tell her it’s unacceptable behaviour and then move on with life. Crap happens with kids.

SweetToffee · 04/04/2021 18:08

I thought she was 8 sorry!!!! I’d give her one early bed and tell her she was being particularly good and then move on with life

ElizaCBennett · 04/04/2021 18:08

If you are worried just text your friend ‘ I’m so sorry she was a little moo today, hope your DS is ok’. She’s a mother; she’ll understand. We all have days like that.

RedGoldAndGreene · 04/04/2021 18:08

She's 2y8m and inevitably regressed in her social skills because of lock down. Together with the tired aspect, I'm not surprised that yeh outing was unsuccessful.

While it probably seems like she is the only child behaving like that, most 2-3 year olds are like that sometimes and that's without pandemics affecting social opportunities. It's bloody tough teaching them these skills and it feels like it takes forever but you're absolutely doing the right thing working on it now so that when she goes to school or other childcare she'll be able to cope. ThanksThanksWine

astuz · 04/04/2021 18:11

My eldest DD is 16 now and absolutely lovely, no issues as a teenager, but as a toddler she was vile - far worse than you're describing your DD. She used to bite, kick, hit anyone who broke her concentration or tried to take a toy off her etc. She ruined at least 2 of her birthday parties because she thought she should win all the games, keep the pass the parcel etc. Absolutely awful, and so embarrassing, but honestly, it does pass, as long as you stick to strong, clear boundaries & don't give in to them, however embarrassing it gets. My DD got over the worst of it from about age 4, and has gradually got better & better since.

Bml11 · 04/04/2021 18:20

She’s nearly 3, literally hasn’t got the part of brain developed yet to be able to control emotions. I know what I’m like when I’m tired and I’m 37! She was just having a hard time.

Maray1967 · 04/04/2021 18:22

I read it as 2 years 8 months which makes sense.
OP, think about your timings - a late picnic lunch could just be not a good idea. I’d rather go out earlier and just have a meet up rather than a picnic or it would need to be early. We had a couple of incidents when PIL had gone ahead and booked meals out for 1pm which usually means no food until almost 1.30 with a fraught 2 year old who has already had some food as they would have been starving by then and now has no interest in sitting nicely at the table.

AWryGiraffe · 04/04/2021 18:22

My 2 year old does this fairly often, and she's similar with good speech etc, I think she's probably a bit highly strung and not a particularly laid back kid but it's all within the realms of toddler behaviour. When she's in full meltdown mode she can't see or hear me and hates anyone even touching her. It's horrible but I'm hoping she chills out by 3ish!

saraclara · 04/04/2021 18:24

@Heyupeasterbunny

I mean, should I text my friend to apologise? Dp says Dd was quite mean to their Ds 😬 She hasn’t texted me...🤷🏻‍♀️Or am I making too much of it
Just text to say thanks for the picnic, and that you're sorry her DC had to bear the brunt of what turned out to be your DC's over-tiredness. maybe lighten it with a bit of a 'terrible twos' comment.

So not so much an apology as an acknowledgment, then.

Quartz2208 · 04/04/2021 18:24

You are making far too much of a meltdown by a nearly 3 year old who was overtired over sugared and hungry

Given the sleep though she could also be coming down with something

Being an early years teacher doesn’t prepare you for this part. For the most part nursery/school get the public face of the children. Parents then get the consequences of that which is a highly strung overtired child

peekiboo · 04/04/2021 18:25

Perfectly normal for a 2/3 year old. Sending Flowers as I know how hard it can be when it feels like it's only yours behaving that way - but trust me it's not

Maray1967 · 04/04/2021 18:25

Posted too soon. Meant to add that meltdowns like this by a tired 2/3 year old are not unusual. Don’t start worrying about preschool just make sure you have flexible arrangements in future and don’t stay out too long.

Bml11 · 04/04/2021 18:25

There’s a video on YouTube under Sarah octwell smith, look for the one about toddlers dropping their nap. Might help. Plus she also explains is they are dropping their nap, you prob have a god months of them tantruming until they are used to it.

Bml11 · 04/04/2021 18:25

*good month

Lalliella · 04/04/2021 18:26

A tantrum can be stopped in its tracks by giving the child what they want.

No no no no no!! Never give in to a tantrum! Otherwise they will know they can just have a tantrum to get what they want and they will RULE and your life will be HELL!

OP it sounds like your DD was tired, and overwhelmed with suddenly socialising again, and it’s probably quite normal. You need to make sure you have firm boundaries in place and always be consistent. But they don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing I’m afraid.

Bml11 · 04/04/2021 18:31

In fact, I’ve busted watched another on of her videos, which is about helping babies/ toddler back on life after lockdown and she has just described pretty much how you’re child has acted today. So might be worth watching that one as well.

Bml11 · 04/04/2021 18:32

Sorry, typos everywhere (child climbing on me) I meant I’ve just watched another one

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