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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DH should be contributing our rent?

202 replies

Yolo89 · 02/04/2021 19:48

So my DH has decided to move out for three months to try and sort out his depression. He also has a bit of an issue with alcohol.
He left giving me about two days notice.

I am studying full time so have little to no income.

He has now told me he cannot pay any rent this month and some next month. My DS and DD are with me.

His lack of repsonsibility towards money has been an ongoing problem. He spent £200 on some slots app in January and each month runs out and then Im the bad one as i dont give him money.

What is fair in this instance? How much of the rent should he be paying whilst he is not here, given it is for three months and then he intends at this point to move back.

I am just so upset right now.

OP posts:
diwrnachoflleyn · 02/04/2021 19:50

Put in a claim for UC. And don't let him back in. He's a deadbeat loser.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 02/04/2021 19:53

We have been on UC until he got a job in January. Even now we still get some but he takes most of it as it only goes to him. I am definitely separating it.

I just cant believe he will let us face eviction. I am reaching out to family for help.

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 02/04/2021 19:53

Deadbeat loser who gambles, get rid.

diwrnachoflleyn · 02/04/2021 19:55

@Yolo89

We have been on UC until he got a job in January. Even now we still get some but he takes most of it as it only goes to him. I am definitely separating it.

I just cant believe he will let us face eviction. I am reaching out to family for help.

Tell the bloody JobCentre he is not living there anymore! FFS, he's a twat who doesn't give a shit about his kids.
Original poster
Yolo89 · 02/04/2021 19:55

Could you just tell me what he should be paying in rent? I'd appreciate this.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2021 19:56

Are the children his?

Kpo58 · 02/04/2021 19:57

Nothing, but he should be paying child maintenance and you should have a completely separate UC claim to him.

Larryslockdownlunch · 02/04/2021 19:58

He should be paying whatever he usually pays

VettiyaIruken · 02/04/2021 19:58

Who's on the tenancy?

There's morally and there's legally. If he's not on the tenancy agreement you're in a worse position than if he is.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2021 19:59

@Yolo89

Could you just tell me what he should be paying in rent? I'd appreciate this.
There isn't a definitive answer to this. I agree with the pp who said you should have separate UC claims and he should officially not live there, if he wants to stop paying rent and live elsewhere. I'm assuming the children aren't his?
Tohaveandtohold · 02/04/2021 19:59

Is he paying rent somewhere else? I can’t imagine a husband and dad will leave his family just temporarily and let them get evicted when he still plans to move back. Normally, he’s still a part of the family so should be contributing the amount you need to make up the rent.

Merryoldgoat · 02/04/2021 19:59

Well if he’s supposedly still living there and he’s just taken a break to sort things out she should pay as normal.

But that’s irrelevant.

If he can’t then he can’t.

He’s a gambler with depression and problem drinking.

You’ve got bigger problems than rent.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/04/2021 20:01

Is his name on the tenancy? If so, he should be paying half of whatever notice period you have. It probably doesn’t matter what he “should” be paying. He’s an irresponsible arse. Consider yourself separated and make plans for your single life.

nobodysdaughter · 02/04/2021 20:01

He sounds worse than useless. I'm not judging, I've been there. How much rent? All of it if he's claiming UC for the family.

tofuschnitzel · 02/04/2021 20:01

He should pay what he normally pays, OP. The rent still needs to be paid, and he has given you no notice. You can't just walk away from your rental property for three months and expect to have no bills for that period.

Lottiethelemming · 02/04/2021 20:02

If he has left he doesn't need to pay anything, realistically speaking. I say that because he absolutely should but for UC purposes, if the money has gone to him, that's your rent element paid in their eyes. All you can do is make a single claim ASAP and never get back with that waste of space again.

Aprilx · 02/04/2021 20:02

@Yolo89

Could you just tell me what he should be paying in rent? I'd appreciate this.
Well if his name is on the tenancy then he is liable for the rent, if both your names are on the tenancy you are probably jointly and severally liable, which in effect means they would probably chase whomever is easier to chase / in a better position to pay.

Other than that, well if my husband left me, I would expect to be paying my own rent, we don’t have children though. You mention children, assuming they are joint children, he should certainly be contributing to providing a roof over their head through.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 02/04/2021 20:04

Our children are both ours together.
The lease is in his name only.

But he was out of work last year and they have threatened eviction.

He has paid three months at the place he has taken so has nothing left over. However this is not what was said to me.

I cant explain why he has done this. He has mental health issues and feels he needs space. However it is a strange way of doing it.

He knows I can ask my family for help and just doesnt want to take responsibility as people with addictions dont. I cant explain it.

He hates this place as it is too expensive. But i tried to move two years ago and we got to the reference stage and it came out he had a CCJ. It's all just a mess.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 02/04/2021 20:05

If his name is on the tenancy and that contract is still current, then he should be paying half. He's chosen to wander off but his contractual commitments haven't gone away.
Either he relinquishes his share of the tenancy or he continues to pay half.
I think you should tell the landlord he's left, put in a new UC claim and change the locks.

LittleOwl153 · 02/04/2021 20:05

Either: Your family pot should continue to pay for all 4 or you. This will include whatever loving expenses he has elsewhere.

Or: you treat it as though he has moved out permanently, claim separately for UC, claim CMS from him for the kids and from there you should be able to cover rent/get housing benefit. Short term however yes it's shut. If you go with this option I'd also get him off the tenancy so he can't just swan back in.

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 02/04/2021 20:05

It doesn't matter whether he should be covering some of the rent, because he's drinking and gambling the money away and has already told you he won't pay.

So, being practical, you need to update your UC claim as a single person and budget for covering costs without him.

And then get yourself support. He has long term problems, they won't be fixed in 3 months. I'm sorry.

RandomMess · 02/04/2021 20:05

Put in a claim to Child Maintenance Service.

minou123 · 02/04/2021 20:06

@Yolo89

Could you just tell me what he should be paying in rent? I'd appreciate this.
He should be paying his share of the rent, as he has always done. As this is what responsible father and husband does.

BUT , if he can't or won't pay, resolving this may take a long time to sort, depending on different factors

RandomMess · 02/04/2021 20:06

I would actually start divorcing and make an appointment at the university to see what assistance they can give you as a single parent.

AIMD · 02/04/2021 20:06

If he’s just left for a break and planning to come back then he should be paying half. You don’t just get to drop in and out of responsibilities you signed up for.

However if he is a gambler I very much doubt you will see any money towards the rent. Personally I think you need to plan for getting nothing from him and decide if you will want him to return or not.

Gamfam is a good organisition supporting the family of problem gamblers. Might be worth looking at what support they offer.

Honestly if he is a gambler this is going to be an ongoing issue and you are going to have to look at options to secure your own finances and protect your own finances from his gambling.