To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

weddingwonders · 2021-03-29T22:48:05+00:00

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open). I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people). We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only. My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

Lucent · 29/03/2021 23:51

Your mistake is letting anyone else think they have a say in how you get married. We did it on our lunch break with two witnesses, and didn’t tell anyone at all for years.

I can’t help it if my SIL had been aching for a chance to wear a fascinator.

HeddaGarbled · 29/03/2021 23:51

I wouldn’t be concerned about your friends, but what about your families?

Kapalika · 29/03/2021 23:53

I used to hate this expression but it’s apt “your day, your way”.

Have a small celebration with everyone when we can in the UK.

Original poster

weddingwonders · 29/03/2021 23:55

@Lucent You're right! It just feels like we'll get so much backlash

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weddingwonders · 29/03/2021 23:59

@HeddaGarbled Hopefully our families will understand, we will definitely do a celebratory dinner/gathering afterwards. We don't have a large budget and don't expect anybody to help out with costs so we just can't justify throwing several grand at a day when we've seen what we can do abroad.

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woefulinsomniac · 30/03/2021 00:03

DH and I did this, we had a once in a lifetime holiday and got married whilst we were there. No regrets, saved loads of money, less stress and beautiful photographs.

MySafeSpace · 30/03/2021 00:05

We did this, had an amazing wedding moon just us two. Best thing we ever did. Had a party when we got home for everyone else (a cheap social club job)!
It's your day so do what you wanna do!!

Notimeforaname · 30/03/2021 00:06

Backlash?for living your life as you see fit?
Go away,just the two of you.
Luckily you're getting married to each other and not your parents and friends

Notimeforaname · 30/03/2021 00:07

If anybody attempts to raise an eyebrow or complains you simply say ''I'm sorry you cant be happy for us, we're happy at least''

Notimeforaname · 30/03/2021 00:08

They can organise a party upon your return if they feel so jilted

CrazySheepLady · 30/03/2021 00:11

We got married on holiday, on a beach, in our favourite place in the world, no frills. It was simple but very special to us. We loved it and I'd happily recommend weddingmoons.

You have to decide what suits you and your partner best. Its your wedding. It has to be about you both, first and foremost.

StormBaby · 30/03/2021 00:11

Just go abroad!!

£2k is cheap for a uk wedding by the way, really cheap!

BackforGood · 30/03/2021 00:13

I think it depends on how important it is to you to share what ought to be a wonderful, memorable day with your close family and dearest friends.
To me, that was incredibly important.

In theory I understand the principle of 'it's your day, so your choice', but personally I would be incredibly hurt and sad if any of my dc felt that their wedding day was something they didn't want me and their Dad (+ presumably their partner's family) at.

For me - and I get this is personal choice, and there will be lots that disagree with me. That's fine, it is a discussion forum and you have asked the question - I'd look at how I could get the costs down. I've been to two or three lovely weddings (including Scout marquee, pitched in a field; including the couple booking a restaurant for a private meal without making a fuss about it being "a wedding"; including a village hall and a lot of help from friends) - none of which would have cost as much as a holiday, and all of which it felt an absolute privilege to be at.

HeddaGarbled · 30/03/2021 00:22

Hopefully our families will understand

You’d be shocked at how gutted a mum can be, being excluded from a son or daughter’s wedding. You’ll know your own families well enough (and whether there are any siblings to provide this rite of passage) to know whether this will be an issue.

Milkshake7489 · 30/03/2021 00:23

This isn't a popular opinion, but I would at least ask any close family whether they want to join you (paying for themselves since you're doing it to save money).

Obviously you can get married however you like, but that doesn't mean your actions won't upset people.

Culturally, weddings are seen as important events and whilst I don't think friends should assume they'll be bridesmaids or to dictate what type of wedding you have , it would be understandable if the people closest to you were upset at missing such a huge moment in your life.

katy1213 · 30/03/2021 00:29

Tell the would-be bridesmaids that you've always dreamed of puce satin with acid-yellow sashes - flatters any complexion - and you know they'll understand that they'll have to buy their own frocks as you're strapped for cash -

Confuzzlediddled · 30/03/2021 00:47

We had 20 people (including ourselves and my three children), went to the registry office, then a beer garden, then had exclusive use of a small restaurant, about 260 miles from home in a seaside town, loved ones came for a weekend away, we all had a ball and or friends say it was the most replaced wedding they've ever been to. We then had a party a few weeks later for other friends and work colleagues etc. Total cost a few hundred quid, right down to doing my own flowers and getting taxis to the registry office. Wouldn't have changed a thing!

Original poster

weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:11

@woefulinsomniac That sounds absolutely wonderful! Where did you go if you don't mind me asking? We are loving the look of Barbados or Cape Verde type places but it's so expensive!

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weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:12

@Notimeforaname

They can organise a party upon your return if they feel so jilted

This sounds perfect

no organisation stress needed!

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weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:12

@CrazySheepLady

We got married on holiday, on a beach, in our favourite place in the world, no frills. It was simple but very special to us. We loved it and I'd happily recommend weddingmoons.

You have to decide what suits you and your partner best. Its your wedding. It has to be about you both, first and foremost.

Thank you! So glad it worked out for you too!

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Original poster

weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:13

@StormBaby

Just go abroad!!

£2k is cheap for a uk wedding by the way, really cheap!

Yeah we know it's very cheap- our budget isn't huge but it still shocked me how little you get

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Sunbird24 · 30/03/2021 04:15

My sibling did this, got married in Italy as part of a week long holiday with select family & friends (total party of 15) then the rest of us left and they had another week just the 2 of them.

Original poster

weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:15

@BackforGood

I think it depends on how important it is to you to share what ought to be a wonderful, memorable day with your close family and dearest friends. To me, that was incredibly important.

In theory I understand the principle of 'it's your day, so your choice', but personally I would be incredibly hurt and sad if any of my dc felt that their wedding day was something they didn't want me and their Dad (+ presumably their partner's family) at.

For me - and I get this is personal choice, and there will be lots that disagree with me. That's fine, it is a discussion forum and you have asked the question - I'd look at how I could get the costs down. I've been to two or three lovely weddings (including Scout marquee, pitched in a field; including the couple booking a restaurant for a private meal without making a fuss about it being "a wedding"; including a village hall and a lot of help from friends) - none of which would have cost as much as a holiday, and all of which it felt an absolute privilege to be at.

Thats what I worry about, I really don't want my parents to feel left out but we just wouldn't have the wedding we would like if we did it in the uk simply due to cost. It seems easier to us to instead improvise with a dream holiday and have a ceremony abroad included in the price.

I definitely will talk to my parents beforehand though. I've only discussed it so far with my friends. (I'm early 20's, partner late 30's).

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weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:16

@HeddaGarbled

Hopefully our families will understand

You’d be shocked at how gutted a mum can be, being excluded from a son or daughter’s wedding. You’ll know your own families well enough (and whether there are any siblings to provide this rite of passage) to know whether this will be an issue.

This is such a worry as I adore my family and they've done so much for me! I've got my Covid jab tomorrow and will be seeing my mum for a walk in the park so will discuss it then as I really value her opinion.

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weddingwonders · 30/03/2021 04:17

@katy1213

Tell the would-be bridesmaids that you've always dreamed of puce satin with acid-yellow sashes - flatters any complexion - and you know they'll understand that they'll have to buy their own frocks as you're strapped for cash -

I did actually look for ages for some lovely budget friendly dresses for them!

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