To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

[weddingwonders]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open).

I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people).

We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only.

My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

@bravotango

Registry office Champagne and canapes Airport and honeymoon

Would only add an extra £500 or so to costs and close family would be able to attend. You'd get the sense of occasion with your mum and still have the excitement of jetting off somewhere afterwards.

This is a brilliant idea!!

@eaglejulesk

Go for it! It's your wedding, so you do what you want to do. So many people spend a ridiculous amount on one day - I think it sounds lovely to have a 'weddingmoon' instead. It's great that you are discussing it with your mother, and I hope she is happy for you.

Thank you

Your wedding, your choice.

By it being only the two of you, no difficulty deciding who to invite. No racist great uncle (if you have one), no alcoholic friend (again if you have one), no person who finds social events difficult to manage and would feel it difficult just to make an excuse and decline. You get the drift.

@bishbashbosh99

Oh my gosh, to be honest 2k seems so cheap for a wedding. Sorry I don't mean cheap as in tacky I mean very good value (as weddings go). BUT of course it's your day you do exactly as you wish and screw the rest of them

No no it's okay! I know it's VERY cheap, neither of us want to spend a large amount as it just seems wasteful considering we don't want a big wedding (or a wedding at all really, we just want to be married!)

@Nishky

Could you do it without calling it a ‘wedding moon’ why does everything have to have a name!

Sounds lovely though

to be fair I only discovered that name last night whilst researching, I love it personally

Thing is, the £2k isn’t just on the wedding part of the day, it’s for a party for 30 people and of course that’s going to cost the same as a holiday.

You have to decide if you want to entertain your family and friends for a night or whether you want to entertain yourselves for a week.

It’s not a ridiculous use of money either way - it depends on what you want and what your relationships with family are like.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Do what YOU want to do.

Quite honestly, it is refreshing to see someone being sensible about wedding costs, and not screaming "But it's my big DAYYYYYYYY" and demanding all sorts of expensive indulgences.

A small wedding isn't a bad wedding - it is a wonderfully intimate and meaningful one. Though is there any way you can have close family there (without it being ruinous for them)? That is a bit you may regret later.

Whatever you decide - I wish you a wonderful day and a happy life together.

Thank you so much

Do it.

[quote SpringTimeDream]@weddingwonders

Bridal stores.... the one let up for you with lock down is they are shut.... very soon prepare to be dragged around to look at the virginal white/ivory horror stories.... enjoy [/quote]
I'm slightly intrigued I must admit, my budget is £400 max so I don't know if I'd find anything my style in a bridal store (I don't want it to look like an obvious wedding dress- more of a fancy cream dress)

[quote woefulinsomniac]@weddingwonders we went to Canada, some friends/family were disappointed initially but when they saw the photos they agreed it was worth it.

Ironically I have friends who were very disappointed and said they would be mortified if their DS got married in a similar way. He is now due to be married, the wedding has been changed twice due to COVID and they now say they wish their DS would go abroad and do it minimally.

If you want certain people there you can always invite them if they are able to travel/afford it. [/quote]
So glad it worked out for you! My friends are already trying to dissuade me this morning

I just don't want a proper wedding, never have! Hate being the centre of attention and I absolutely hate the idea of spending thousands on one day paying for other people basically!

@MrsWP

If it's totally down to you two to pay for it. Then it's also totally down to you to have what you'd like.

Traditionally yes parents are involved. But also traditionally they pay for their daughters' wedding.

My parents paid a big chunk of ours. So of course had a bit more say in the day and invites etc.

I know both of our parents would offer to contribute but I personally wouldn't want them to as it's our day and our financial 'burden' if you will

Neither of our families are well off either, just feels wrong.

I think it’s pretty odd and deliberate-seeming to not invite your parents to your wedding unless you have a terrible relationship with them.

We both have an excellent relationship with our parents. This didn't mean we invited them to come and watch us get married, because the whole point of doing it the way we wanted was no fuss, no spectators, no rings, no flowers, no personalised vows etc.

Perhaps if our parents had lived down the road, it might have been different, but we lived in different countries at the time, and would have had to explain why we were asking them to fly in, and I can guarantee that, despite being told we would be wearing casual clothes, both mothers would have shown up in some ridiculous fascinator 'because that's just what you do' and wanted things to be 'special' because it would be 'so sad' not to have flowers and rings and photos. And my mother in particular would have thought she was doing what I secretly wanted but was for some reason unwilling to admit. The whole thing would have been an endless faff, rather than the fuss-free quickie we both wanted.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants No of course we would pay for the meal for close family, friends. It would be very small.

I find it 'bewildering' that some people feel that other people should do things they have absolutely no desire to do in case someone feels hurt

Its called normal human interaction. We all do a million things we have no desire to do in case someone feels hurt.

@MiddleParking

I think it’s pretty odd and deliberate-seeming to not invite your parents to your wedding unless you have a terrible relationship with them. I also think if you want to get married abroad and have a party here afterwards for whatever reason then do that, but you will embarrass yourself and probably offend people if you pretend that you’ve done so because it’s a cheap or simple way to do it. It is your wedding and it is your choice, but like so many choices in life, you can’t expect a say in how other people react to it.

In my case it would be because I hate any 'formal' situations where I'm even slightly the focus of attention, there's really no malice to it. Even as a child I hated being a bridesmaid and never dreamed of having a big wedding. I get on with both my Mum and DP's Mum just fine, but even the thought of having my Mum and DP's Mum as the only guests in a registry office setting makes me feel very nervous and uncomfortable.

Just do it!

I've never understood why people spend thousands on what is essentially a party for other people. And as for overseas hens..?

Or, have a tiny registry office ceremony here and a good holiday.

@PattyPan

I think it would be unreasonable not to invite even your parents - I don’t know what your relationship is like but most would be heartbroken not to be invited to your own child’s wedding. By the way, you can get married in my local registry office for £300 on a Friday/Saturday or under £200 Monday-Thursday. You can have a DIY reception (eg in your garden) or go to a local restaurant for not that much. It sounds like you just want to have a wedding abroad rather than actually care about the cost given you’re looking at such expensive destinations, so bear that in mind when you’re telling people.

I'm liking the idea of simple registry office and drinks/cake in my parents garden, that would be reasonable, then go on our holiday straight after and take more wedding photos there dressed up just the two of us.

Yanbu.

We did it in secret a few years ago and like having a secret. Might do a party for out 15yr anniversary and just enjoy a party l.

Your day. Do as you wish.

@Rukaya

I find it 'bewildering' that some people feel that other people should do things they have absolutely no desire to do in case someone feels hurt

Its called normal human interaction. We all do a million things we have no desire to do in case someone feels hurt.

No, that's called people-pleasing, and many people confuse it with 'normal human interaction.'

If I had fifty p for every thread on here that had multiple posters talking about the wedding they only had because they felt they had to, I'd be rich. Likewise for the posters who dash about being everyone's shoulder to cry on, doing free childcare and school runs for years at a time, helping with house moves, giving loans which are never repaid, purely because they can't say no.

No, that's called people-pleasing, and many people confuse it with 'normal human interaction

No it isn't. I play Lego with my son even when its the dullest thing ever. I pretend my daughters tea party could not be more fun. I have my mother in law over for dinner and feign interest in her chatter.
It IS normal human interaction to do things with and for other people that you don't really want to do.

Unless you're a selfish cunt.

My friends are already trying to dissuade me this morning

Why are you discussing it with them?

Honestly OP you don't need to involve all these people in your decisions.

Decide what you want and do it.

@bravotango

Registry office Champagne and canapes Airport and honeymoon

Would only add an extra £500 or so to costs and close family would be able to attend. You'd get the sense of occasion with your mum and still have the excitement of jetting off somewhere afterwards.

Very much liking this idea!

I'm liking the idea of simple registry office and drinks/cake in my parents garden, that would be reasonable, then go on our holiday straight after and take more wedding photos there dressed up just the two of us.

This sounds perfect! I'd avoid discussing the wedding much with the friends who are trying to steer your plans in a direction you don't want to go. Good luck with whatever you choose .

@PADH

All of these people "why not just get married in a registry office here and have a blessing somewhere else"

They don't want to! End of discussion! It's so rude.

Thank you, I'm so torn! I feel awful, on one hand I want it to be the two of us alone but then I love my parents and want to find a way to meet in the middle

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Maybe I've worded myself wrong, I feel the value for money here for one day and the quality we would get for that is shit compared to what we could get for £2-3k abroad for over a week.