To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

[weddingwonders]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open).

I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people).

We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only.

My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

Love your plan op. A good solution! Also- an earlier poster mentioned being pregnant..... I got a maternity wedding dress for £100 from tiffany rose online and felt amazing in it so would highly recommend if anyone needs one! I was 7 months.

Ha! Just realised I'm a dumbell and meant Monsoon, not Accessorize! I know they're the same shop effectively, but obvs Monsoon is the clothing bit! Sorry

You defo should have the wedding you want but I would exercise caution about ruling out parents as they may be willing to pay their own way.

If my kids wanted to get married abroad I would be so happy for them but also would feel desperately sad if I couldn’t see it so would def be willing to pay for myself to go if they allowed me.

You should mention it to both sets of parents or consider the option of registry office service and small get together after.. even a pub lunch!

I went to a beautiful wedding in Cyprus that guests could come to if they wanted as long as they paid their own way. They actually ended up with a bit of a crowd of over 40 as there was so many willing to pay.

I get it I do ..I really DO !!
But I'm a mum and I'd be terribly upset not to be at my daughters wedding ..whatever type of wedding it was.

@Lulu1919

I get it I do ..I really DO !! But I'm a mum and I'd be terribly upset not to be at my daughters wedding ..whatever type of wedding it was.

I'm also a mother, but I can't imagine pressuring (implicitly or explicitly) my child and his partner into having the kind of wedding they didn't want purely so I could attend it. I mean, I can't imagine being comfortable attending a wedding that is only happening in whatever form it's taking because I insisted.

And I think that suggesting that not inviting your parents to your wedding is a sign you have a bad relationship is a completely false equation. I adore my parents, but like a few pps, I wanted a quick, quiet, casual wedding and that precluded having our parents fly in from abroad, which would inevitably have made it far more of a big deal than we wanted.

As my soon to be DSS told me when his father and I were planning our wedding, it's your fault, do exactly as you want.

The hoopla around weddings has become insane, fuelled by the industry of suppliers.

In your shoes, I'd go for a happy medium, simple registry office wedding, meal afterwards in a restaurant perhaps with a private room. Taxi picks you up after lunch to whisk you off on holiday. No fuss, no admin and your closest friends abs family will have seen you get married.

Business class flights, have a great time. Nothing to think about for arrangements when you get there. Perfect.

If you really want to, connect with a photographer when you are abroad snd have done photos taken as a moment of your honeymoon. That the bit that lasts.

I have a DD too and if she said she wanted something quiet I wouldn't be upset. As long as she's happy that's all that matters, I wouldn't pressure a child into a wedding just for my benefit.

I did a 'secret' wedding (registry office, two witnesses) and both myself and DH have great relationships with our parents.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Ha! Just realised I'm a dumbell and meant Monsoon, not Accessorize! I know they're the same shop effectively, but obvs Monsoon is the clothing bit! Sorry

Haha don't worry! I adore the monsoon dresses but I'm going for something a bit more evening style as opposed to bridal

Really loving a silky cream dress at the moment from reformation

Sounds like a good idea, but I’d at least ask parents if they want to come for at least part of the holiday to see you married,

Phase Eight and Free People do gorgeous wedding dresses too.

Wishing you every happiness OP.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Phase Eight and Free People do gorgeous wedding dresses too.

Wishing you every happiness OP.

Thank you so much! Honestly feel so supported by basically everyone on this thread!

Free people! I didn't think of there, thanks!

Lucent

Exactly right!
It’s not about controlling what happens, it’s not about ‘not having the wedding you want your child to have.’
I don’t mind if it’s a few people in a registry office or a slap up do in a marquee, I just want to share that moment with my darling DD or DS. Why not? And why shouldn’t they consider my feelings? They have been loved and cherished and educated ( every moment at our expense), and they love us and treat us with respect and seek our company. No, they owe us nothing, but it would be a hell of a kick in the teeth to be excluded from the most joyous occasion in their lives so far!
But they may not feel it's the 'most joyous occasion in their lives' at all? It's perfectly possible to adore the person in your life and still regard your wedding with no more emotion that you would the signing of any other contract. Maybe what some people are resisting is this kind of pressure to find the occasion significant and 'joyous'?

I love and respect my parents, but I didn't want any people in a registry office, other than the legally-necessary witnesses. I didn't want people who felt I should be all moved and tremulous, and who secretly thought it was a terrible shame I was wearing jeans and not carrying flowers and wearing a meringue, and that I was visibly thinking about work.

YES! This is exactly how I feel, I’ve been with my now soon to be husband 22 years, we get married in July by- booked a registry office but no one knows yet.
I’d prefer it to be just us two but I have a feeling my parents and his will dine out for years on the fact they weren’t invited which makes me cross in advance!
I find it odd that they want to see us sign this contract but didn’t when we bought our house. I’m in the minority with this though, I’m
Made to feel like there’s something wrong with me

It's such a shame reading between the lines how many people in this thread chose to elope/exclude family based on costs, not affordability but interpreting the event as a party for others and/or begrudging that.

If money was no option, would you still be debating whether or not to invite your parents? Don't underestimate how unique and special it feels to be surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends on your wedding day. It can be a big life event to create amazing memories that you (and your families) will cherish forever and share. Don't view it as an elaborate party for other people. An expensive holiday with a ceremony tagged on isn't a substitute imo (unless you have poor relations with family etc I appreciate then the circumstances are different).

We did registry office wedding one afternoon, our parents came along, and then we had a meal at a nice local restaurant. It was lovely.

We did have a separate extravaganza with vows and 100 friends, but that was just for us - our families don't recognise that.

@Iwishiwereamillionaire I've also been with my partner 22 years and planning a secret wedding in July ☺️ our parents are fine with it. It's our day and we don't want a big fuss.

We're off to the lakes to get married in a couple of months. We've booked an elopement wedding and it's just the 2 of us and our DC going. We've not invited anyone because we were faced with 'if we invite them, we'll have to invite so and so, and if so and so comes we can't not invite the children' which we didn't want.

We've both been married before and have both said we've had the wedding before and this time it's completely about the marriage not the wedding. We both feel older and wiser and not going into it because we feel like it's what we "should" be doing this time. We're doing it because we want to and we're doing it how we want to.

You sound really sensible and grounded. Why pay for planning and stress when you can pack and do what you want. Yes it is your day and that is why you do what you want. You will spend the £2k and it will soon be forgotten. Stand firm.

It's your call, but "can't afford a wedding" rings a bit hollow when you're looking at holidays to Barbados. If it's not important you to have friends and family there, fair enough, but own it

And don't be surprised if your family are hurt. Yes it's your choice and people have to respect that, but it does give them a message

We got married in an undecorated church one afternoon and then had cake and bubbly in the vicars garden next door. (We knew him well and he offered!) It doesn't have to be elope or bridezilla.

Costs were:
Church fees
M&S party trays of sandwiches
Case of bubbly and some soft drinks
My mum made a cake

@PerspicaciousGreen

We got married in an undecorated church one afternoon and then had cake and bubbly in the vicars garden next door. (We knew him well and he offered!) It doesn't have to be elope or bridezilla.

Costs were:
Church fees
M&S party trays of sandwiches
Case of bubbly and some soft drinks
My mum made a cake

I think that's lovely.

@notanothertakeaway Thanks! It was! Three people who were there have since got married and got themselves talked into the whole shebang by their families, despite having said ours was one of the nicest weddings they'd been to. It takes all sorts to make a world, I suppose

I eloped, told no one until Afterwards. My mum did say she had wanted me to have a big do so I said ‘oh are you paying?’ She piped down. I only have a few close friends, DH has social phobia so it had to be just us.